<human>: Can you provide a brief overview of the text?

I hate itchy, wiry pubic hairs. Having lice in your hair is one thing - but having a constant itch in your pubes? Insufferable! So that's why I always make sure to properly groom my pubic hairs - I treat them as if they're my own children, and I gently caress them whenever they want company. Surely I'm not the only one who does this...

So yesterday, right before a date with my girlfriend, I took out the shampoo and prepared myself to send the pubic hair itch back to hell where it belonged. So I generously applied the shampoo, rinsed the pubes in a hurry, and left for my date. A few minutes later, my pubes have become rock hard. It wasn't shampoo - it was gel, and my pubes were so stiff that walking was painful. My gf asked me if I was sick or something, because I was walking like a penguin who just got shot in the crotch. At the end of the date, I could barely walk home with her, and she was getting really suspicious. I asked her if I could see her next week, but she said "I don't know" (in other words, no way).
<bot>: I accidentally applied gel instead of shampoo to my pubic hairs. Now my girlfriend won't go out with me. :'(