<human>: I was on the toilet.

I was going to poop like I have thousands of times in the past.

I go to let loose.

Something weird is happening, really hard to describe the feeling.

It feels like I'm pooping but, like, it's not going anywhere and also tugging on my butt a little.

I look between my legs into the toilet, no poop.

[I try to understand what's happening.](

[Then it dawns on me.](

My ass hair has become tangled and created a barrier. 

A shit net, if you will.

I had to waddle to find scissors, I used those little [toenail scissors] because I didn't want to use the good scissors.

I had to spread my cheeks for the mirror and try to cut clumps of shit out of my ass hair.

I got shit all over my hands, all over the scissors before I decided fuck this mess and just dug around got a good grip and ripped the hair out.

Then I got shit on the floor and a little on the wall.

I've spent my Sunday morning, cutting and ripping shit out of my ass dreads, cleaning and sanitizing the bathroom, and showering but never really feeling clean.

Now I'm on reddit telling you all about it.

Give me a shortened version of the text
<bot>: trim your ass hair before it becomes an issue, unless you want to know what it's like to shit through a hairnet