<human>: Im a 29yr. old male and decided to take a break from my SO for a week. She is honestly an amazing person, but internally I feel so lost. I lost my brother to Leukemia in 2009 and lost my father to Heart Disease in 2011. I have been questioning life in general. I haven't been the best boyfriend because I have been in my head soo much the last couple years. On top of work and everything else I just haven't really been present for most of our relationship, but she has been amazing throughout the entire relationship. My question to everyone here at Reddit is how to change this? I am not atheist, but don't discriminate against that belief, I just find it highly unlikely that all this happened by chance. I don't particularly believe in a "god", but mathematically it seems almost impossible for us to be alone, or that this planet just seemed to happen for no reason. Secondary I have this tremendous want to creative a novel or short story or plainly something creative, but it always get stuck, or I find it lame or completely derivative. I feel like if I create something that maybe I will feel a little better. 

Now that I'm reading this I just feel foolish, and I'm sure I will get downvoted into oblivion , but I'm going to chance it to grab some feedback.

Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?
<bot>: Alot of Family loss, break from SO, and internal crave to create something, but feels it will not be worth anything.