<human>: Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?

Alright so I'm just going to spill my guts and get this all out there.  Sorry in advance if it's a wall of text.

Anyways, enter me in high school.  I wasn't really smooth with the ladies.  I went to a small school in a town of 1500 people, and had only recently moved there.  Being the introverted outcast, I didn't have many friends nor the knowledge to make them.  Then one day, an introverted female moved to town and we hit it off.  Things were smooth for a year, we did some things, but once it started to get serious I panicked and ended up ruining a good thing.

Fast forward to the end of my senior year.  I meet an awesome female online.  Find out she lives not to far from where my family is moving after I graduate.  She decides to transfer to the university in the city I move to.  We spend 4 years in a relationship, 3 of those years living together.  I propose.  Things seem to be going well.  Eventually I panic again, this time for good reason as it turns out she was cheating on me a month after we got engaged.

So, after that soul crushing experience I felt like I was probably better off alone.  Eventually I realized that I was just being dumb and started looking around.  Met a really awesome girl online (again I know) and we hit it off pretty well.  Around 6 months in she flies half way across the country to be my +1 at my friends wedding.  To me it felt like we were meant to be.  Everything seemed so perfect.  And then around 14 months into the relationship I start to panic and lose my grip again.  For no good reason I just lose it, start pushing her away, and ruin the relationship.  Threw it all down the drain.

So, about a month later, this is me.  Sitting here not really knowing what to do with myself anymore.  I know that I want to be with someone, because when I'm with someone that makes me feel whole it's the best feeling in the world but then there's the side of me that knows I'll just screw things up again somehow.
<bot>: I feel like every time a relationship gets serious and I'm really happy I end up doing something to ruin it.  What should I do to try and fix it, or should I just forget even trying?