<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

Im a late bloomer and had my frist bf(25) when i was 24. We broke up in 3 months and it was the absolute worst thing Ive ever experienced. 

At this time this superior at my work (42M) with kids asked me what was wrong and i told him honestly about my breakup and how hard it was. He started taking me out to lunch and coffee and made me feel somewhat good again. It escalated to dinner and movies where we held hands. He tried to kiss me but I refused. But things kept progressing and we eventually had sex. 

I wanted him to stop contacting me and told him several times but he kept texting me and telling me he loved me and what makes me hate myself is that i really really loved him and still love him now. We had sex a couple more times and I finally asked him to stop contacting me ans blocked him completely. 

I miss him and feel utterly lost and retarded. I want to unblock him and reach out to him and tell him i miss him but it makes me feel sick. I have no idea how to move on from here. Any advice/insight would be appreciated
<bot>: i love a married man and he tells me he loves me too. I cut ut off and now feel like shit. Need some perspective.