<human>: So my friend visits me this weds from out of town celebrating his court case results(since it was in the county i live in) and decide to have a bbq at my pad. He provides food and booze while i grill and supply pot. 

We get drunk and stoned munchies ensue. Somehow my wife lost the weed pipe somewhere. We look everywhere and couldnt find it so we became desperate for rolling paper. My wife being a santa cruz hippie stoner suggested we use an old bible paper us being drunk and stoned wanting to smoke more went along and found an old bible.  After we finished the first joint and taking another glass of rum and cola i forgot it was ash weds and asked my friend if he went to church today. He said no and i dab my fingers in the ash and proceed to put a cross on his head. Realizing the horror on his face what i just done and hes a devout catholic we quickly clean his head off and have an awkward silence... and realization of we're going to hell..
Till the wife finds that she stashed the pipe in her purse. Hilarity ensues

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: got drunk and stoned lost the pipe ans used old bible for rolling paper ,proceeded to use ashes as our own ash weds ceremony.