<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

A few days ago I spent a long day working outside, with lots of walking and getting in and out of a vehicle. I consistently wear compression shorts (under armour) as underwear. well this is worn a bit and got bunched up in the crease of my groin and thigh. The last hour of work I neglected repositioning, and just kept going. The chafe monster got me good. Raw as could be right on my gooch.
  When I got home I went for my gold bond spray powder and went to ease the pain. I shook the can and flipped it to douse my undercarriage. Instead of smooth relief I got the searing pain of 1000 suns in a most delicate space. My bodies reaction was to tense and squeeze like a 4 year old holding in a true. 
I only then remembered how when you flip compressed air cans you can blasting a bit of ice out. The ice burn only intensified the chafe pain for a few more days.
While I highly recommend the spray powders...May you never, by all things good in this world, flip the can upside down and use them on your chafing genital area.
<bot>: I used a can of spray powder on my gooch, upside-down can shot out freezing spray...effectively ice blasting my undercarriage. Searing pain ensued.