<human>: I had just gotten home from work and my phone rang. My mom was outside so I went to meet her. She said that at 2 in the morning my grandmother had died and she wanted to wait to tell me the news until I was home from work so I didn't have a bad day. My job is very hard and I come home very tired so nothing was registering to me. My mom looked at me and went to give me a hug so I cried a little. But I felt like I had to for her benifit and not mine. Not that I don't love my grammy, I do. I learned to cook and sew from her. I was so close to her. It just feels like if I don't react, then I am a horrible person and maybe I didn't love her as much as I thought. Even now as I'm typing this I have all these thoughts. This all happened two hours ago and I don't know how I am allowed to feel. She was sick for a long time. We always said every holiday that this could be her last. I'm more worried about my mom and my little sister. My sister is getting married next month and she is such a tender soul and my mom takes care of everyone. She took care of my grandma until the end. I sat on the porch with her and we drank a little vodka and talked about random things until she was feeling tired enough to get some rest. I gave my dad something easy to make for dinner so she didn't worry and gave her a big hug. My husband is tending to me and keeps asking me if I'm okay. I don't know if I am or not. I don't know.. I don't know where I should get advice so I hope I can get some here. Can anyone here relate and maybe could help me out. I keep feeling this in waves and it'll register with me that I lost my grandma and I should feel upset but then I don't know...

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<bot>: My grandma died today and I don't know if I feel numb or if I'm cruel for not getting upset like everyone else.