<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

He was my first. My first boyfriend, my first lover, my first everything. He is the person that knows me best. I still think of him as my best friend, but I haven't talked to him in two months. We have been off and on again for 5 years, mostly due to my cheating.

Deep down I know that we can't be together, that too much has happened but I love him unconditionally. I really want what's best for him and it sure as hell isn't me. I've hurt him too many times and he really deserves better, but I still miss him. Everyday all I think about is wanting a hug from him because I know it would solve all my problems.

I am still so young and none of my friends have ever been in a relationship for as long and just can't relate. I am broken. I start tearing up at work thinking about it. I cry every time I get drunk missing him. It's been two months and literally no sign of improvement. Is it going to take years? Is there anything I can do to move this process along because nothing has ever been so unbearable.
<bot>: My on and off again boyfriend of five years and I are finally done and I really don't know what to do.