<human>: When I was 15, I got a job working in a coffee shop and I met my now boyfriend and we're now creeping up on being good friends for four years now. I got involved with my first serious boyfriend when I was 16. I lost my virginity to him, I was very open with him and was able to tell him anything and ask him anything. I found out six months after we started dating that he had cheated on me two weeks after asking me out, this other girl was now pregnant with his child and when I tried to talk to him about the situation, and that I wanted him to just leave, he told me that everything he had ever said to me was a lie, that he never loved me, he never thought I was beautiful or attractive, etcetera and that he was only using me for money and a place to stay.

Anyway, hearing that crushed me coming from him, being my first and someone I really loved at the time. So going back to my friend from work, when it was nearing my 18th birthday, he was around a lot more often, he'd always be trying to spend extra time with me, and I'd had a crush on him for a long while as well and we started dating soon after I turned 18. (We were together for a few months at the beginning of the year, took a break and have been working our way towards a better relationship since June)

I've noticed that when I'm with him, I struggle to talk to him now since my ex is gone. I can't put myself in a position to be vulnerable and tell him how I feel, if anything is bothering me... It feels almost as if I believe that he'll be lying to me about everything, that I won't be able to believe what he says even if what he's saying is the truth.

Does anyone have any advice on how to not be so afraid to talk to him? Or to be more comfortable and secure so that I can be more open and vulnerable and actually express myself to him like I always could with my ex?

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<bot>: Ex lied about everything, including his feelings about me. I can't open up to my current boyfriend at all. Can anyone help me become more open and be able to express myself to him better?