<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

I recently discovered the joy and pleasure that is sex and, naturally, I acquired an fwb. This fwb is (was?) my best friend but that's another FU that I don't care to talk about.

The problem is... I'm the only person out of all of my close friends that is doing *any* fucking (we're all in college, but I just happen to be good friends with a sheltered/religious/overall celibate bunch), and they all feel uncomfortable with talking about sex, so I never had anyone to converse with. It sucked.

Then I became lab partners with this awesome girl in my computer science class. Lemme tell you, this girl is very in tune with her sexual self and it made me feel good that someone else was just as open and excited about sex as I was.

So one day, I was over at her house and since it was my fwb's birthday that day, and since he was still my very good friend, I decided to call him to wish him a happy birthday. I guess my fairly drunk self forgot that I was calling him at all and I started talking to my friend about how he's still uncomfortable with sex and has weird issues about calling me over to fool around even though we very well established that we were fwbs. 

Basically I ended the conversation with "*his name* is just being a little PUSSY!" and then I looked down and saw 1:06 on the call screen. Hoping that it just went to voicemail and I could just casually re-record the message, I put the phone up to my ear and subsequently heard him saying "uh, hello?" Hung up, called back like nothing happened, said happy birthday cheerfully.

He was a little awkward (okay, REALLY awkward) after that, but I think I (might have) patched everything up with a large bottle of fireball and a blowjob for him today.
<bot>: I called my fwb on his birthday and he overheard my drunk conversation with my friend about how much of a "pussy" he was.