<human>: I still can't believe this happened, granted, it happened a while ago but still. So, when I was in high school I was a big fan of the British TV show "The Inbetweeners". Whenever the characters on the show saw a hot girl they'd call her "fit" or a "fit bird". Now be me, 17. We have to read these dumb essays we wrote out loud to the entire class. I was sitting at my desk with my friends when I heard a girl with a British accent start to speak. I then automatically said "She's a fookin' fit burd!" My friends laughed their asses off. One of them, let's call him Aaron, told the de facto leader of our (ugh, I hate using this word) clique the whole story. This guy, let's call him Jack, gives out decent advice but also loves to fuck with people for shits and giggles. A true chaotic neutral. He tells Aaron to tell the chick, let's call her Alice, to talk to me. Now at this point I'm shitting bricks. I am ridiculously socially impaired but I think to myself "maybe she'll find it funny". Eventually, Alice walks over to talk to me. At this point I've convinced myself that she's in on the joke. As she says "Hi Jude"  I blurt out, in my best Cockney accent, **"YOU'RE A FOOKIN' FIT BIRD, I'D FOOK Y'ER  FANNY RIGHT OFF, YOU FOOKIN' TWAT"** Unfortunately, she was not in on the joke at all, Aaron had just told her to talk to me. Word got around and now all the girls at school think I'm a complete fucking moron. On the bright side my friends think I have giant balls now, so that's nice.

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: Called a fit bird a twat, didn't get any fanny and never got to be mayor of titty city :(