<human>: This happened yesterday afternoon, while i was trying to give my dog a bath.

So i have one of those little Dachshund sausage dogs and let me tell you. He can be a real pain in the arse. Ofcourse, one of his favourite afternoon activities, besides sleeping and pissing off the neighbours is rolling in **Fox poo**, Usually meaning that we have to give him a bath after nearly every bloody woodland walk we take him on but thing is...

He hates baths.

He fucking hates them.

So anyway, i should probably just keep this short. My mother and i had to go give him a bath after one of his lovely poo rolling sessions meaning i had to keep him still while my mother washed him. Getting him into the bathtub was hard enough, since he was flailing around like one of those cats with its head stuck in a jar. This only worsened the moment he touched the water, where he starts barking and kicking his paws around like a toddler.

So i'm kneeling down by the tub, while my mum is hosing him down with the shower head, But my dog was still acting like a fussy kid so my says to me ''Can you get him to shut up and hold still for a second''. As you can imagine i had a little bit of trouble doing this and in an act of what i can only describe as Incomprehensively stupid desperation, thinking it might actually work, i bite my dog on the shoulder like some kind of animal. Everything goes silent except for the sound of rushing water. My dog just gives me a ''What the fuck'' stare and my mum just facepalms and says ''Why did you bite the bloody dog..''. For the next few minutes, we just finish up washing an extremely quiet dog in complete silence. 

My family spent the next week taking the piss out of me for biting the dog, and now he thinks i'm an asshole.

Give me a shortened version of the text
<bot>: I Bit my dog while giving him a bath and now he thinks i'm an asshole, while my family thinks i'm a complete dumbass