<human>: Can you succinctly summarize the text in 1-3 sentences?

I'm on the last day of my period and it has been a particularly heavy and crampy period due to my new dosage of birth control. I'm at work and I feel some cramping and I'm thinking its just weird cramps and that I might have to change my tampon if the cramps are indicating I'm about to get a heavy flow (girls will understand this!). The pain subsides and I feel nothing so I carry on my way editing away at my computer. All of a sudden I get a sharp pain in my abdomen that nearly makes me pass out. They felt like bad period cramps again. It then dawned on me that these were not period pains, these were shit pains from deep within the darkest depths of my bowel. Full on clench checks and waddle your ass to the bathroom and hope no one is in there shit pains. I start running to the bathroom and as soon as I get in it smelled like someone decided to spray an entire gallon of perfume in the bathroom and I sneezed. Hard. A little poop came out and the look on my face was mortifying. Thank god I still had a pad on for extra protection and it acted as a shit diaper instead of a shedding uterus catcher.  I'm now about to write to Kotex and thank them for their alternate use of a pad as an adult diaper. 

I'm now at my desk happy I didn't have to run home and change since I live 55 miles from work.   I still feel gross though.
<bot>: Had period cramps that were actually poop cramps. Walked into a mist of perfume, sneezed, shat, thanking Kotex for the alternative use of sanitary napkins.