<human>: Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?

Mine is a toss-up:

When I was four years old I was playing at the top of a flight of wooden stairs at my old house. My mom was downstairs and my dad was at work. I took a bit of a tumble and lost my balance and yelled for my mom as I started to fall. I Slinky-ed/slid down a flight of 12-14 stairs, hitting my face square on each one. Ended up breaking my nose in about 3-4 places and passed out at the bottom. My mom rushed me to the hospital where the doctor administered a small sedative and set my nose as best as he could. I barely remember, being so small, but my nose is now broken as fuck and about 3/4 of an inch farther up than when I was born. Also my sinuses are way higher up in my head!

Second:

I was walking down a path in the woods near the back of my house. I was around 15 years old. Now this path gets some occasional maintenance work done to it by a team hired by the neighborhood's association.

They had left a rake concealed by some leaves along the path. I stepped on the pointy end and the handle whapped up, hitting me square in the nuts. I fell down, threw up, and passed out. Might be sterile.

What about you guys? I'm hoping for a broken femur or something.
<bot>: Slinky-ed down stairs, broke my nose in four places. Later in life: Looney-tunes style, a rake hit me in the balls and brought me to the ground.