<human>: Condense the text into a few key points

I have one of those stoves that has a flat burner, and you can't even tell a burner is there besides for the circle around it. Like this: 

Anyways, I was alone and I was drunk. I was hungry so I made some soup. I put 4 or 5 cans in, filled the pot to the rim, and put the pot on the burner. The stove takes a while to heat up, and with all the soup in it was taking even longer. I wanted it to heat up fast as I was feeling like throwing up being so hungry.

I put together computers sometimes, and I actually bought a big can of thermal paste, it's like a can of paint. I have a store in my city called "PC Bulk".

So I turned the burner off, spread allot of thermal paste all over the burner, and put the pot on. I turned the heat up all the way, assumed it was going to take a while so I go on the couch and watch tv. in a minute I hear it boiling, so i walk over to it, and see the water splashing out of the pot, the lid falls off from the splashing and onto my toe. 

In a panic I try to take off the pot, but it's stuck, so i pull hard and hit myself in the face with it, the soup spills and a load of it falls on my crotch, it hurt allot. 

I have a scar on my genitals now :(

But there was half a bowl worth of soup left in the pot, so I ate it.
<bot>: I put thermal paste on my stove burner to make soup faster, but I spilled it on myself after the pot got stuck to the stove and it heated up faster than I expected.