<human>: This was last summer but I just found out about this subreddit yesterday so I figured I'd share with you guys my story. It started when my friends were pushing me to get laid, after a while of convincing them that I cant walk up to a girl and struck up a conversation they decided to take me to a whore house (which I thought would be an easy A). When we got there we sat on a sofa and waited for a woman to take us, my friend got in while I sat there alone. My mind started to go blank. Remembering that my cousin told me not to do it in a whore house and that I have standards. I also read about STD's so I started to panic. Woman was coming my way. Froze on the sofa. Made a run for it. When I got outside I got some fresh air and decided to get in there and get some experience. I felt motivated and ready, that is until I puked my guts out on the floor. Once I was done, got back in there and sat on the damn sofa. Woman approaches, talks to me. I open my mouth. Gates of hell have been unleashed. She said to me (and I quote) "your breathe smells like dickshit" didn't know how that was a word or if it even was. I stood up and left, waited for my buddy. The next day, I was feeling down so my friends said, lets get some beers and play some cards, sounded pretty relaxing. While this was happening, another friend comes over with 4 girls and a bottle of tequila. Things escalate and I get more than drunk. Buddy tells me "go to the room and wait till she comes over". Of course, drunk me thought this was a great plan. I passed out. Woman enters the room, proceeds to wake me up. I get my shit together, we get in our positions. I puke on her jeans. Now usually you would apologize and try to help. No. Drunk me thought that if you deny it was you, all would be well. She left. Friend convinced her to change clothes and come back, she did while I was in the toilet. Came out of the washroom, she was making out with my cousin.

Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: friends took me to whore house, panic puked on the floor. Made a gathering in my house with friends, puked on girls jeans. Cousin made out with girl-with-puke-on-jeans