<human>: [First post](

I got pms asking how I was and for an update, asking for confirmation I didn't go back to him again. And so far I haven't. I'm not past feeling the need to run back yet. So I'm staying with a friend for a while longer, until I know for certain I can keep myself from doing that.

The first time I left him I was almost exhilarated afterward. This time I'm not. I'm scared and I'm tired and the thought of trying to leave this town and start new is overwhelming. For stupid reasons. I'll have to learn a new map. I have to find new places, new coffee and new groceries and new parks and places to go. Aren't those supposed to be the exciting things? Exploring and finding a new world. They make me want the comfort of familiarity. But the things that are familiar to me are toxic to being a healthy adult with healthy relationships. I've been talking to someone for a few months about my family life. It hasn't been as normal as I thought it was and likely has a lot to do with why I keep ending up with abusive relationships.

I want to say I don't know what to do now and collapse into a puddle of depression and anxiety and hope someone comes by to tell me how to go on. But I know thats not practical and only lands me back in this place again. I made an appointment with a therapist. Its a few weeks away but I have a number I got from the hotline if I get into a bad place between now and my appointment. I'm going to talk to him about getting a referall to a trauma specialist.

It sounds weird that I've been recommended to see someone about trauma. Trauma is a big word. Its for bad car accidents and school shootings, not me. He usually didn't leave a mark on me at all. I've been told thats called minimizing the abuse and if I can learn to stop doing it I'll feel a lot better. I have to give this all the best go I can. I'm humiliated and ashamed I'm back as a victim again.

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: Staying with a friend until I feel safer and more sure of myself. I've made an appointment with a therapist again. I'm going to stick with it until I really work out my relationship problems this time.