<human>: Throwaway obviously 

I'm really needing some advice here. I'll trim this up as much as possible. 

Current husband "tim" and I started dating in grad school. Before we were engaged I cheated (really for sex/attention, no emotional side) he found out and forgave me but never really 'got over it' so to say (I don't blame him). He proposed, I said yes and had pushed for it prior to. Married 5 months later. Fast forward 8 months and I reconnect with an ex boyfriend (john) who had also proposed prior to my relationship with current husband. 

My relationship with 'john' was a bit off, he didn't want a label and after a while I wanted some commitment. After a few months of that I was 'moving on' and met my current husband. During this time 'john' proposed and I said no given my new interest. I regret that answer to this day and wish I had done things differently. He also wishes things were different and we we're together. 

Anyway, now I'm having an affair. I have a lot of love for my husband but am not 'in love' or attracted to him. He is emotionally needy and I can't deal with that. Sex is a no go - totally not interested. 

I'm thinking this is totally unfair - I'm a bitch who can't commit. I shouldn't treat him this way. Divorce? He is an amazing man and a great husband, I just can't be the wife he deserves. Reddit help clear my mind please and clarify this choice.

Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell
<bot>: I've cheated twice, am not 'in love' with my amazing/caring/financially stable husband who I care deeply about. Help!