<human>: Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?

I'll try keep this short, I went out with friends last week for the first time since my baby boy was born last year and got got carried away with my one night of freedom, this led to my situation now.

The main reason for us being in a rocky position is that during my girlfriends pregnancy she was totally turned off by sex, she caught me watching porn and saw that as the ultimate betrayal. When we did eventually have sex again I recorded it without her knowledge (weird and tbh disgusting I know) the way I saw it was I could use that to relieve myself in the future without the betrayal. Well fast forward a couple months and I forget about the video and of course she finds it and this leads to ww3 and 8 months of pain, eventually she softens towards me and I fuck up again at this party. 

I've given up all hope of rekindling, she says she just can't get the video out her head. How do I get over her, I feel like the only light in my life has been extinguished, I'm miserable and although I'd love to go no contact I'll always  be there for my son. Any advice would be ever so helpful.
<bot>: how do you get over the girl you would have given your life for? Time to turn off the Michael Bolton and grow a pair of balls but I need some direction, my brain is wired to think about her dawn till dusk.