<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

So a couple of weeks ago I ordered a Lone Ranger Crystal figure for Disney Infinity from Toys R Us. I got the card for it today to exchange for picking the parcel up at my local post office/newsagency.

I walk to the PO and do the whole "Hello, here to pick this up" schtick. The girl working there looks at the card, and for a split second queries herself on where it is, before immediately knowing "it's the ripped one".

Like a ninja, she positioned the package so I couldn't see, but she also wasn't hiding the fact it was ripped. I was expecting a cardboard box as most of my international orders come here in boxes, so was surprised (and dismayed) to see this in a yellow bubble bag (with the bubble wrap inside).

I simply went through the motions; signed, smiled everything like that. Put it in my bag, because I had to go pick up pizza.

I get back home with my 'za and immediately sit down and take the parcel out of my bag and take pictures of the rip, a picture of how easy it is to get inside to see what's in it or take what's in it, I ripped it open and took pictures of the bent plastic at the front.

I uploaded the pictures to Facebook, put them in order, and then tagged Australia Post, calling them drongos, and then made a joke about how I was lucky these weren't "the Fifty Shades of Grey nipple clamps I ordered", as a joke to highlight the privacy that may have been invaded and simply a lighter way of looking at the situation. I then proceeded to be serious, listing what went wrong with the parcel. I clicked submit.

I immediately started freaking out. I have liked "Fifty Shades of Grey" on Facebook, so people might think I'm being serious. I quickly edit it to remove the joke entirely. 

Thirty seconds later I'm still freaking out and I delete the entire post.

I've got no clue how many people saw it, or if anyone from my family saw it, but I wouldn't be surprised. And no, I'm not expecting nipple clamps in the post.
<bot>: I received a damaged parcel, complained on Facebook with pictures and made a joke about how it was lucky the parcel wasn't nipple clamps and immediately deleted it in fear of relatives thinking I was being serious.