<human>: Ok i'll start. While holidaying in Penang, Malaysia about 10 yrs ago, i was getting myself ready to go out for the evening, this was around the time when them cream coloured chino trousers were quite fashionable. So i get ready, complete with cream chino's and a white short sleeve short, go downstairs, walk through the reception of the 5 star hotel i'm staying at, where there's some kind of Japansese conference going on, thinking nothing of it, i walk outside, jump on my rented moped and head off to town. While on my way town, bearing in mind that this was probably around my 5th night of drinking and not eating properly, i let one go, not really thinking about it... Disaster! I shit my pants while riding through busy traffic, so my only thought at this point is to head back to the hotel, so i get there, pull up outside and there's some kind of presentation going on involving the Japs, i have no option at this point, it's running down my leg, my cream chino's are fuckin ruined beyond repair and sporting a huge brown stain down the back, my only option is to try and leg it through reception into the lift. Easier said than done, its fucking packed in the reception area, so i try my best, make it to the lift, get inside hit my floor button and the door close button! Luckily someone was looking down on me that night, and the door's closed. Got back to my room only to discover the horror that was trailing from the lift doors to my room! After cleaning myself up in the room and throwing my trousers in the trash, i soaked a towel and started the clean-up outside my room door. Suffice to say that the towel also went in the trash!

Condense the text into a few key points
<bot>: Went out on the town, shat myself on a moped, came back to the hotel only to leave a trail of shit leading back to my room!