<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

So... I'm too embarrassed to tell any of my friends this but, here we go. I had been chewing the same piece of gum all morning and it was long past time to spit it out. As I was about to grab lunch from one of our cafeterias, I stopped by the restroom. As soon as I sat down, I pulled out some toilet paper and put my gum in it, as I intended on flushing it. After I finished my glorious shit, I took the same gummy toilet paper.  Reached down. And spackled minty gum all over my ass hole. I had no idea what had happened until the second wipe where a long stretchy strand of chewy gum came off the toilet paper. So, now I am eating lunch with a wadded piece of toilet paper between my minty butt cheeks. I have a 15 minute walk home and I'm not looking forward to it.
<bot>: forgot I had old gum in the toilet paper I wiped my ass with and now have an extremely uncomfortable and minty butthole.