<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

My husband and I have been together for nine years. When we first got together, he was quite critical of my body. He had a criticism for a number of my body parts, but the one that stuck with me the most was his criticism of my weight. At 5'3 and 119lbs, I was "fat," according to him. He would encourage me to work out more to lose the weight. During that time I developed an eating disorder. Bulimia, to be specific.

Nine years later, he has apologized for those comments, saying he was young, naive, stupid, etc...  He tells me I am beautiful and that he is very attracted to me. I feel like I am being overly dramatic and ridiculous, but I can't get out of my head that I am an unattractive fat sack of shit. We've never really had a stellar sex life, and this is one of the biggest reasons. 

I am no longer 21, and I have since had two children. After the birth of my second child at the end of 2014, coupled with a crazy work schedule, and post partum depression, my weight got up to 136 lbs, peaking this past February. Our sex life was virtually non-existant during 2014 and 2015.

I am now down to 124 lbs. Sometimes I feel sexy and confident, but most of the time I can't help but think that I am still five lbs heavier than when he used to call me fat. I see the porn he looks at, and it's girls who are a good 10 - 15 lbs smaller than me. 

There is not a lot in my life that I have control over at the moment. I've always had anxiety, so since February or so, my anxiety has been high, and I grasp at control through my weight, so the eating disorder has been back with a vengeance. Doesn't help that swimsuit season is now in full swing.

So my question to you is: am I being ridiculous? It's it totally unreasonable to hang on those words he said to me so long ago, that he now apologizes for? How do I get over those old comments?
<bot>: Husband used to call me fat years ago. I'm still not over it. Got an eating disorder now and don't want to have sex often because of how gross I feel.