<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

This actually happened about 1 year ago, but I'll thought it's still worth sharing.

Since it's been summer and pretty warm outside, me and my girlfriend decided to get a cool-down and go to the local outdoor pool. So things had to go fast and I immediately started looking for my bathing trunks as I suddenly noticed that I seriously should take a shit before leaving. Anyway I got to the the toilet, sitting there and waiting for the first portion to come out and noticed "Omfg, I should cut my fingernails, I definitely didn't cut them for too long". So, subtle as I am and being under time pressure, I got the nail scissors, sat back on the toilet and just turned right for 90° (since the bathtub is directly next to the toilet), thinking "Yeah, I'm going to take a crap, as disgusting as it could be, enyojing it and additionally save some time while cutting my nails above the bathtub". Fast forward 10 minutes: All nails were cut painstakingly, I took a shit and saved some time - WIN! While wiping off my ass and standing up to finish my doings I thougt "Wow, I thought I've taken a huge shit and still the toilet seems so empty. Things must be going pretty smooth today!" At about the same time my girlfriend knocked at the door telling me to hurry up since she needed to go to the bathroom. So I flushed the toilet, washed my hands and left the bathroom. About a minute later I just heard this horrified scream coming from the bathroom - turned out I missed the toilet and shit besides the toilet - what a mess!
<bot>: Tried to be super time-efficient by cutting my fingernails and taking a shit at the same time. Unwittingly missed the toilet, shit on the floor and let my gf see this miserable and degrading act.