<human>: Can you provide a brief overview of the text?

I'm lactose intolerant. Guess what the first thing I drank when I came back in from taking out the dog was? Yep, milk. Needless to say, minutes later I felt like someone was trying to pry open my chest and stomach regions and my heating pad wouldn't do jack. Took some medicine for it. Threw up. Spent a good 10 minutes in the bathroom throwing up everything that had ever existed. You know that pet hamster you lost as a kid? I found it. Half-friggen digested. How that got there, I don't know. But it came up.

But at least there's a happy ending to this story.

Took some more medicine to replace the dosage I lost from throwing up (so ended up with 30 milliliters of Pepto Bismol in my system). Laid back down on the heating pad for an hour and had to take my mind off the agonizing pain by thing about panties.

I'm feeling better now, but I really wish my mom would stop buying milk. You know what would make a great alternative? Let's see... Soy... Almond... Coconut... Goat... Anything but motherfucking dairy.
<bot>: Milk-- it does the body bad. Rant over. (Mods, please let me know if this post breaks any rules and I will take it down myself.)