<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

So about a month ago my boyfriend and I broke up and during that time, he would fight for me, we'd get back together, fight, break up, not talk, talk then get back together, it was a huge circle. During the first time he broke up with me and we weren't talking, I kissed someone else (just a peck) but instantly regretted it. I started talking to my boyfriend again but I couldn't bare to tell him that I kissed someone else because I knew if I did, I would have no chance of getting back together with him. So I lied to him when he'd ask me. We eventually got back together for good, but I was still lying to him, I felt terrible for doing so, so I came clean and told him what happened. Ever since then he's to the point where he hates me some days and doesn't other days but he still feels hurt from it because he was fighting so hard during our break up. He's always meant the world to me (we've been together for almost 2 years) and he's helped me through a lot so losing him again would really hurt. However, I've felt so guilty from what I did because I don't want to lose him and if I do, it's my fault. It's to the point where I've really become depressed. I can't go to school, I don't want to socialize and I've started cutting myself because of it. I think this might have been just years of me being blamed for any and every family/friend problem and now I'm stuck in this pit where I do any way to physically hurt myself, whether that be making myself puke, running to the point of blacking out or cutting myself. I don't know what to do because everyday I hate myself and it's getting so much worse as the days go on. I need help but don't know where to start.
<bot>: I kissed another guy during my break up with my boyfriend as he was fighting for me everyday now I feel guilty to the point of self harm.