<human>: Summarize the given text in a few sentences.

I'll try and keep this brief to begin with. I suffer from bad bouts of depression almost consistently but the doctors won't do anything. In my (long?) life I've never really formed a connection with anyone. A few years ago I thought I did at a mutual friend's party. This girl (20) and I hit it off really well. We got to know each other over a year despite living in different countries.

After a year I went to visit. It all went terribly, we stopped talking and I've not been able to repair it since no matter how I try.

I miss her so terribly, every attempt to replace her sucks. I don't want anything else other than to take whatever drugs can kill a desire for people. It's pathetic but she was the only thing that made me feel better for brief periods. 

I know it's a really bad case of oneitis (although I didn't want a relationship with her) but I can't shake it. Ever since I've got back from the trip 2 years ago I've been on autopilot pretty much waiting for life events to let me end (which was the state before I met her, so that's not the reason)

Please help.
<bot>: 32m finally made connection with someone, 20f, went great, got complicated, ended, now 36m is wrecked