<human>: Can you succinctly summarize the text in 1-3 sentences?

We were best friends for 2 years, then our monogamous relationship lasted 4 years. He cheated (one time betrayal) and confessed weeks later before dumping me. 

We've never broken contact for more than a month, occasionally have sex and/or go on romantic dates, and spend the holidays together. He sleeps around (even had a short-term lover), while I haven't had much luck with that (sleeping around with people I don't know makes me uncomfortable and any other potential friend-lovers fell through quickly). 

My situation in life is such that I can't afford to lose contact with the handful of people I can rely on, including him. This guy makes a disappointing long-term boyfriend, but a great friend. 

So, for the last 2 months or so, I've been feeling something I can't deny. It's akin to falling in love, though I could be horribly confused. What ever the reality is, I need you strangers to talk some sense into me. 

A real romantic relationship with this guy cannot be. It'd be a disaster. My head knows this through logic and experience. But everytime I tell myself that I only love him as a friend or that our privately sexual or romantic encounters are just momentary fillers... well, I feel like I'm lying to myself.
<bot>: Best friend --> boyfriend --> ex --> best friend and occasional lover. It's been years. My heart now wants to officially be with him again, but my head still knows that's fucking stupid.