<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

First break up happened back in October last year. Then we got back together in January 1st. Broke up again on January 17th after he asked me if I had lied to him about what had happened with my ex. 

To make it short, YES I lied to him and to my entire family. What happened is that I had a restraining order for my ex husband. After I divorced him, his mom told me that was going to go to Afghanistan because I had left him... and if he died, it would pretty much be my fault. After that experience, I knew I was never going to see him again, so I told myself and everyone around me that he had died. I know, it's embarrassing. But in retrospective, I made that up as a coping mechanism :(... 

So coming back to this year's break up: it happened because I wouldn't admit that I had made up that lie. I am clearly not good at lying... but I was still in denial. I can't get over the fact that I lost my friend because of my stupid lie :( I feel like a monster for lying, I don't know what to do.

Help? Advise?
<bot>: I lied, went through horrible break up for that reason and I can't forgive myself... It's been months and it still hurts