<human>: Can you provide a brief rundown of the text in within 3 sentences?

So, I have a horrible case of dandruff, so i went to buy some of that zync whatever-the-hell shampoo. So, i'm in the shower. I put a handful on my wet hair, and first I was "Hey this isn't so ba-" and then BAM. This was satan's own shampoo.

 As it slowly ran across my face, I could feel the burning, as if someone lit a small fire on my face. I tried to resist it, putting water at my face. As i was rinsing, I could hear satan whisper in my ear "its not over yet". The damn shampoo made its way in not one BUT BOTH of my eyes. Me being the retard I am, i put my SOAP COVERED HANDS in front of my eyes to block out the stinging. Not only was satan shoving his pitchfork in both of my eyes, he was laughing. As I let out my whimpers and groans, the FUCKING SHAMPOO MADE ITS WAY INTO MY MOUTH. Be noted, while i was resisting the shampoo on my face, i put on more.

 So, as my eyes were burning, my tounge felt like it just dived in a cup of noodles fresh out of the microwave. I shoved my face toward the fresh, cold water to feel the relaxation, only for the stinging to return instantly after I move away to get air.

Now, the thing is, the water tends to shift from extreme colds to extreme heat. And oh-fucking-boy did that shit happen. As I was cleaning away the satan shampoo, the water went rogue and went HOT on my face. That was it. I GTFO'd out of the lava pit and rubbed my face with my towel and dried up.
<bot>: put on anti-dandruff shampoo, it turns out that shit stings on my skin. Got into my eyes and mouth and water turned hot on me.