<human>: Can you provide a brief overview of the text?

I love that stuff. This place has the jars with the little spoons. I really wanted some for home, so I put it in the bag with the leftovers. 
Cut to the next night (last night): It was way past my bedtime, and I had to work in the morning. Boyfriend and I had drinks, had just finished up in bed and I got up to grab some water. I open the fridge, and in my tipsy, postcoital state, went to grab the water behind chili sauce jar on the top shelf and all of a sudden, I am covered in the shit. I knocked it out and it hit the bottom corner just right and spewed everywhere in a huge arc. I should mention now that I WAS NAKED. It was all over my face, my hair, boobs, (luckily nothing go hit below the stomach) and in BOTH my eyes. I scream and immediately head for the sink...boyfriend yells "WHAT IS GOING ON?" I scream back what happened, and all I hear is hysterical laughter. After a while under water, everything still burns. He yells to pour milk on my face, so I proceed to empty an entire gallon over my head. It stopped burning about an hour later. Left the kitchen a mess and went to get in bed.

I feel it is important to point out that my boyfriend never got out of bed. Learned later it was bc he was busy posting it on facebook.
<bot>: stole jar of chili sauce from chinese restaurant, dropped sauce late at night while naked and got bukkaked. Took milk bath, BF is a dick.