<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

The title is the best way I could sum up my feelings over the past six months. I've achieved some goals such as winning scholarships including a state scholarship for my state's honors choral association, I've gotten most of my college paid for this year, I've made a really close friend at my university, I've been able to actually talk to a boy I fancy (which when it gets to crushes, Im usually a mess), I made it to the Dean's honor roll, I've competed in NATS, made it into the Ambassador program on campus, and am gearing up to start a job. But I feel so unfufilled.

I have been feeling very disjointed from myself. Relationships that used to be very meaningful to me are almost annoying (I camped out in my room practically my whole christmas break to avoid my family. They just drive my insane now-a-days). One relationship I really tried to strengthen over break was a total flop. I drove freaking way across the state to visit a new friend over break and spend new years with him and when we came back to university for an oranization retreat, hebwouldn't even talk to be. Just a few scant sentences about himself. And juat to add, this person has already caused a big heap of emotional stress for quite awhile, but  breally care for him, I don't know why. Half the time I dont even feel like I am living my own life. It's like I am watching a movie of someone else. I feel like I am a lousy person because all these felationships arent working out and I just get awkward whrn I try to fix them.  Or when I talk, I clam up and word vomit or just become too serious. Im dull all ogf  a sudden. I never used to be.

Ive been journaling and lately cutting to deal with all this.  Cutting (my thighs) makes me feel more in control of myself and my emotions. Like it is a phsical manifestation of what I am feeling that I have total control of how it is made (I can choose how deep and long the cuts are and where). Plus seeing them reminds me that I AM the one living my life because I made that cut.
<bot>: Ive led a fairly succesful life so far, but I feel personally unfufilled and and just dont like myself.