<human>: (Throwaway because I've never told anyone this)

This actually happened about a year but fuck it. Anyway got myself in extreme shape to go to special operations training in the US Air Force. I worked out like a mother fucker every day for about a year. When I was finally in the shape I needed to be at I took the PAST and dominated it. Everyone was seriously impressed and I was sent to MEPS to be processed into the military so I could take another PAST to actually go to the special ops training after basic.

Everything was going fine and dandy and I even had someone look up my butthole. Even that didn't bother me because I knew it was going to happen so I trimmed my butt, made sure I didn't have any dingleberries, and all that stuff. Well next is time for the drug test.

I follow this dude into the bathroom and he tells me to take a piss and fill the cup up. I was like dude no problem. Well I'm standing there and nothing is coming out. A few minutes passed (felt like lightyears) and finally this guy told me to think about sex because apparently that can help you pee. It didn't. They even let me come back and try it again later and nothing. I told them I'd pay for a hair test, anything and they didn't let me. What made matters worse was I had to wait like 9 fucking hours for everyone else to finish because I got a ride with them and didn't drive myself.

Can you provide a brief rundown of the text in within 3 sentences?
<bot>: I could do naked calisthenics, have someone look up my buttonhole, but I can't pee with someone watching me so I couldn't join the military.