<human>: To get right to the point I am not a felon, I currently hold a full time job with benefits, but to what extent should I disclose my past convictions.

My current job sucks.  The pay sucks, the people suck, the commute sucks, everything about it is lame.  I was temporary at first and accepting the full time job came with a massive pay cut.  So now I'm on the hunt again and I'm curious as to what I should disclose and here is why:

A recent interview went well and the company is finishing up their end to make an offer.  I plan on declining it since it is only marginally better than what I am currently doing and what I am currently making.  But I disclosed to them I earned myself two underage drinking citations (one in 2002 and the other in 2004) and a disorderly conduct in 2007.  Along with this I have a DUI and a drug paraphernalia charge which were both expunged and no longer show up on checks.  Well here they call me and say my background is 100% clean and NOTHING that I told them came up.  They said they would get back to me.  It's been a week.  So wtf?  I tell them what I did, nothing comes up, and now I feel the process is being delayed because of this.

I am a professional job applicant so the question is when should I disclose this to potential employers?  Should I not say anything and risk them thinking I'm a liar if something does come up?

While I'm no felon, this isn't the first time my background has come up in an employment situation.

Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?
<bot>: I have a series of charges that may or may not show up on a background check depending on how much the employer digs.  What should I disclose up front?