<human>: 19 F here, dating 22 M. We met online 9 or so months ago, and it took a few months of almost constant communication before we actually met in real life and started dating each other, long distance.

It didn't take me long before I realized there was some sort of emotional block between us, stopping us from really discussing real life issues, or talking about ourselves and our problems. I have chronic depression, which caused me to drop out of school and has turned me to staying inside my house and on the computer all the time. I haven't really left the house in a few months, aside from building up the courage to go visit him for a weekend every now and then.

He's completely aware of my situation, but doesn't really say much about it, so I don't either. I'd say our long-distance relationship is somewhat of a weird friendship, more than anything else. We don't talk about our feelings.

The past few times I've broken down (anxiety attack) in front of him, he becomes exasperated with me, sighs constantly, keeps nudging at me, and gets angry when I can't hold it together.

It took me awhile to realize that I might be holding onto him for the sole purpose that in this really dark patch, he makes me feel normal. Simply waking up and knowing that I have a boyfriend lightens the guilt I have about not leaving the house, losing my diploma, losing all connections with the outside world, and wanting to die.

I feel horrible for this. I feel like the only thing keeping this together is the severe hope that I will change, he will be closer to me emotionally, I will be happy, I will not be completely alone.

I feel attached, but I'm scared. Please, anyone, I would appreciate any advice at all. If you took the time to read this, thank you so much.

Provide a brief overview of the text.
<bot>: Met online, instant sparks, 7 or so months later realize we're really not close in any emotional way at all.