<human>: This is some real shit. Every time I take a dump the turd itself goes fine, but from there on out it seems as though my asshole is trying to wage a war against me. It starts out when I wipe; there's a mild burning sensation around the hole itself (NB: I don't wipe particularly vigorously or violently or anything..I'd like to think I have a respectful relationship with the ol' chocolate starfish) but I ignore it and wipe until the tp comes back spotless. Now I pull my pants back up and shit gets real. The mild burning sensation becomes legitimately painful, a constant background buzz to the rhythm and flow of my bodily functions. From here if I have to go somewhere (in other words, start walking or moving or just not sitting down) then it gets much worse and I'll start feeling liquid down there (imagine swamp-ass, but if the swamp was also being napalmed), if I wipe again after a short time the tp will come back wet and shitty (remember, this is after a spotless final wipe in the original shitting). If I just sit down then the pain changes based on how I sit (with the most pain when I sit directly on the hole and less if I put my weight on other parts of the ass) and no wetness, but when I get up same deal with wetness and the strange and mystical return of shitty wipes. This goes on pretty much all day if I take a shit in the morning. If I shit at night it goes until I fall asleep, I can only guess the sort of asshole-repairing wizardry that goes on behind that veil of slumber. I'll also add that this is a pretty consistent happening and it happens regardless of the shit's characteristics, so I'm pretty sure I'm not just tearing myself a new one every time I lay down a mean turd. Also, I'm 100% sure it's not an STD. Well, as sure as a man in my position can be...

Summarize the given text in a few sentences.
<bot>: for up to 18 hours after I shit my general ass region feels like a god damned warzone. What's going on? Hemorrhoids? Poor dietary choices? Is that stick up my ass finally dislodging?