<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

So this happened over the summer, but I figured someone on here may enjoy it. At the time, it had been many months since I had been involved with anyone physically. I met a girl through some friends and we hit it off. One day the two of us decided to explore the empty UC Santa Cruz campus. After leaving the admissions building, we entered an elevator. As soon as the doors closed, we were all over each other. I lifted her up against the elevator wall and explored her body with my hands as we kissed. To my good fortune, the elevator remained stationary and nobody walked in on us. After 10 minutes, we realized that very little time remained for us to grab a late lunch before her ride picked her up. We took my car to a Mexican restaurant in town, and as soon as I stepped out of the car, I realized my balls felt like two little white dwarves. Every minute movement caused me excruciating pain, and I was forced to subtly waddle into the taqueria. I hurried into the restroom to relieve myself. Standing over the toilet with a wad of toilet paper in one hand, I unzipped my pants and lowered them to my ankles. With my free hand, I began fapping furiously before the girl I had come with assumed I was taking a shit. After 30 seconds of painful jerking, I heard the door open. I wheeled around just in time to momentarily lock eyes with the young woman that had walked in on me before she slammed the door shut. I found the girl I had come with and proceeded to eat my quesadilla, dissatisfied and in utter shock.
<bot>: Hooked up with a girl in an elevator, got blue balls, attempted to relieve myself in a restaurant, ended up pulling a move out of American Pie.