<human>: I have a two that come to mind.

I was in the choir for Star War in Concert and Anthony Daniels (C3P0) was giving us a "pep talk." We all surrounded him and once he was finished he was trying to get past us so he had his arm extended to get by. I grabbed his hand and pretended he wanted to shake my hand. It didn't work at all, it was actually very awkward and his hand kind of crumbed with my grasp-- sort of like when you shake hands with someone and they have a pussy grip (except worse because he wasn't expecting it). 

The other story is from when I was in Europe and Lindsay Lohan was in the same airport as us (school trip). Now, I am from a small town so you would assume we would be "star struck" but there was a general consensus that she sucked. We wouldn't have said anything but she was a total bitch and acted like she didn't want to be spotted. (She had a huge black bodyguard and was wearing sunglasses when it was dark in the airport, not to mention the huge amount of bags following her). Anyway, some people took pictures of her and this bodyguard takes out the tiniest flashlight imaginable and flashes it in our eyes. We found this extremely entertaining because he was such a huge dude and he was trying to act authoritative but the flashlight was so tiny it just looked awkward. So we proceeded to make fun of the bodyguard. Then we broke out into [this song] because it fucking sucks and she sings it. She got all pissy and stormed off. As this was happening, Fergie walked by but no one noticed because we were too busy making fun of Lindsay Lohan.

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: Met C3P0 and attempted to shake his hand when he was clearly not reaching for mine. Met Lindsay Lohan, made fun of her, she is a bitch and has a bodyguard with a little tiny flashlight.