<human>: This happened months ago, I've always just felt it's too embarrassing to post.

I was in Paris for my best mate's 30th in May.

We were out and about enjoying the bars and the clubs in Montmartre (a lovely, cultured area north of the city centre).
We ended up meeting this group of girls from London through a friend of a friend. We're Australian, generally easy going and friendly and ready to meet new people, and we all ended up having a fantastic night together.
  Beers, spirits, tequila, underground bars and dancing ended up becoming blatant drunken straddling on any couch or seat we could all find.

I ended up heading back to the hotel where the most gorgeous, voluptuous of the London girls was staying who I'd been fortunate enough to be kissing all night.

She took me upstairs to her apartment where we waited around awkwardly for her other housemates to go bed and then proceeded to eat each other's lips off and grind up on the kitchen bench, the stove and then finally the couch.

She switched the light off and magic begun.
She removed her top and for some inane reason I became lost in the glory of the moment...

Like a 15 year old schoolboy I blurted out, "Wow... you're huge" - eyes glazed, dumbfounded at my incredible luck. 

Her smile became a blank stare and she misinterpreted the comment as me making a statement about her weight.

Everything stopped.

I got up, offered to leave which she said was an excellent idea, put my shirt back on and left out the front door.

I left confidently (and quietly cursing at myself), trying to keep my head held high (I was misinterpreted, right?!?), and then proceeded to lose my bearings.

Did I enter this garden from the right or the left?

I got lost in her hotel garden for an hour and could not for the life of me escape.

I crawled around trying to find the gate I entered through before security eventually arrived and asked what the fuck I was doing. I told them I was trying to escape and they booted me out.

She's a pretty close friend of a friend and I've never heard from her since.

Can you summarize the given text in a few sentences?
<bot>: I called a girl huge just as we were about to get it on and then proceeded to crawl around in her garden for an hour.