<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

This actually just happened, and the firemen just left. I picked the lady up from work, and I'd been defrosting some juicy lamb, chicken and a few sausages to put on the bbq all day in anticipation of a delicious feast. 

I put the meat on, then thought, you know what, I want a burger, too! So I got a burger, and put it on the bbq. 

Now, our grill is normally a fiesty motherfucker, causing me to jump back on the best of days, but today would be the day that it finally did its last deed as a fiesty motherfucker. 

When I put the burger on the bbq, flames that would make mt doom look tame, erupted forth, spewing over the succulent meat stuffs I had hoped to consume. Just prior to this, I managed to extract two sausages from the fire.

I turned off the gas, we closed the lid. We watched. It burned. It burned and it burned. And then it burned some more, and then flames came a lickin' out from the hood and that's when we called the fire department. 

By time they got here, it was all burnt out, but I can tell you this: as an Australian bloke, there is nothing more demasculating than having three other blokes come round to look at the burnt meat on your bbq before checking to see that it won't blow up if you turn it back on again.
<bot>: I wanted to have a BBQ feast with my girl, I didn't grill the meat, I grilled the bbq. Fireman came and saw that I had only two sausages saved. Feel less manly now.