<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

I've been with my boyfriend a few years. He seems to be caring and sweet, although sometimes I feel panicked that maybe he doesn't care about me as much I think he does, as I have a history of being in abusive manipulative relationships where I was too naiive to see what was going on.

I try to consider the facts objectively but it's really difficult since I have feelings for him. This is the longest I've been in a relationship and I'm scared that I've gotten so caught up in it that I'm not able to tell if I'm actually happy and he's right for me or not.

I have depression and personal issues (from past abuse) and am very insecure so I always feel like I'm not good enough for a boyfriend and this is the best I will ever be able to get, because I'm not worth much. So I have no idea if these nagging doubts are just personal fears of mine or if there is anything to it. 

There are so many things bubbling up inside me that I want to talk to him about but I never feel like I can, because I don't want to ruin a good thing. I try to talk with him about these things when we drink because it's the only time I feel brave enough to be honest, but it never gets anywhere and ends up with drunk sex that I barely remember the next day.

Basically I want to cut off contact with him for a week or two, just to get my own things sorted out so I can maybe look at things not in the clouded haze of hanging out with him. But I don't know how to do this without him taking it really hard and thinking we're breaking up or something, and then being so upset that I have to calm him down and then say I didn't mean it...because that's the only way I see it going. And if he really is a good guy then of course I don't want to ruin a good thing.
<bot>: don't know if relationship is one-sided or not, want a way to have a break to figure things out without screwing up the relationship