<human>: Alright, last night I knocked out completely because I was on some medication. Mostly painkillers n Xanax. So I fell asleep on the couch and woke up this morning. As I get up everything's kinda fuzzy and shit and it really annoys me because I've never been this dizzy after popping pills or drinking or anything like that. So I wake up and get up because I have to piss really bad. 
 
Well just know that there's one bathroom that's literally like 5 steps away from my couch/living room. You know when you're laying down or sitting down for a long time and you suddenly get up you have a mini blackout in your brain. You can't stand still and everything goes black. Yea well that happened to me as I was stumbling to the bathroom with my pants pulled low enough for me to piss and as I was trying to piss my brain had that mini blackout and let me say that the dizziness from the medication didn't help either. 

So I'm about to piss when the mini blackout hits and next thing you know I lean forward while the golden stream is unleashing from my disco stick because when you blackout you don't even know what's happening. So my bladder decides to let loose while my brain shuts down temporarily and my whole body momentum is going forward and next thing you know, I fall down forwards like someone did a crossover of the year move on me and hit my forehead on the upper part of the toilet where like you can take the lid off n stuff. 

The impact of the hit makes me even more dizzer and I'm trying to figure out what in the jesus fuck happened while my dick misses the toilet completely because I'm in some sort of 70 degree angle bent over. Peed all over the floor on my feet n legs.

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: popped meds. Passes out. Woke up dizzy n had mini blackout in the bathroom from getting up too quick. Dick sprays everywhere like shooting in COD.