<human>: I decided to make jalapeño poppers for a party this Friday. And since I couldn't sleep the night before I decided to prep by cutting the jalapeños beforehand. I ignored the advice of many sissy online recipes and cut my jalapeños bare handed. After cutting up about two lbs of jalapeños I set them in the fridge, washed hands and tried to get some sleep. 

Well I couldn't sleep so I decided to browse reddit on my phone. Well I came across some sexy images so I decided to pleasure myself, barehanded. After a few minutes I laid on my bed satisfied until I left a very cool sensation on the palms of my hands and genitals. This cool sensation then escalated to burning pain. I wondered if online recipe writers had this situation in mind when they advise us to wear gloves when cutting jalapeños. Needless to say I did not get much sleep that night.

Can you provide a brief overview of the text?
<bot>: I cut jalapeños then jerked off and the ensuing burning sensation to my dick and hands kept me up all night