<human>: We used to work together (four years) and are close friends.  We live a couple hours apart but are keeping in contact, now.  I've always had a pretty big thing for him, but I didn't want to start an awkward situation, with working together and all.  I spend a lot of time and energy thinking about him and wondering when we are going to meet up next, to the point where I'm avoiding potential relationships where I'm living now because I always wonder if I could ever have something with him.

I've never been in a relationship, or gone past a couple of dates, or been kissed - all because when the opportunity came up, I actively avoided it.  I think I know why that is (self esteem and trust issues), and I want to leave it behind.  I think the most obvious way to do that is just tell him how I feel, so that way I can get rejected and move on, or maybe something good will happen.

I don't know if it's a good idea because I'm afraid of scaring him into avoiding me, and we live over 2 hours apart so that would be a strain.  I know he really cares about me but I'd hate to make things awkward later.  Also, it terrifies me to think I might be the subject of some story he tells later about the crazy girl. 

Any thoughts, or maybe just encouragement I'm not making a big mistake?

Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: I've had a big crush on a close friend for a long time, but I don't want to traumatize him.