<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

So there was me, living in a 2 - man dorm room, coming home from a party being extremely drunk at ~4am. So I was hungry, went to the fridge, saw some eggs and thought to myself "damn,  I want scrambled eggs". So I grabbed a pan, oil, put the gas on, poured way too much oil in and the eggs without even using milk or spices and stirred it in the pan. Out came something scrambled-egg-ish, and a loads of oil still in the frying pan. As I didnt want to make a mess, I thought cleaning up the pan immediately was a good idea, so I added dishwashing liquid to the still hot pan with the oil. As it began making those buzzy noises and the dishwashing liquid almost instantly got fried, I got scared and really fucked up. Held under cold water and got a fireball that set off fire alert, burnt off my eyebrows and scorched my hands, also set half our notice board (which for some reason is right next to the sink...) on fire. Im now out of infirmary with minor burns on my left hand, and probably have to pay for the triggered fire alarm.
<bot>: Got home drunk, made scrambled eggs, put dishwashing liquid in hot pan which got fried, got scared, poured cold water, created fireball, result is minor burns and less money.