<human>: Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?

What I thought was a simple case of mild food poisoning that caused me to vomit last night turned much darker and more sinister tonight. 

My SO having left a few hours ago, I was laying on my bed browsing kitten pictures when I felt the need to pass gas. NBD, I thought, no one around to hear it - time to let loose! Immediately, I felt this horrifying warm, wet sensation in my pants. Upon running to the bathroom I discovered my worst fears have been confirmed - awful-smelling, watery shit had completely soaked through my underwear and jeans, and I then proceeded to release the most disgusting torrent of bodily waste I have ever experienced.

Upon returning to my bedroom I found that the odorous and vile fluid had soaked through my sheets and mattress pad, and an emergency load of laundry and a shame-filled shower followed. All in all, a shitty experience, but would have been exponentially worse in public.

So tell me Reddit, what atrocious bathroom accidents have you experienced or witnessed? Please, if you have any worse shit-related stories, please share and make me feel better.
<bot>: Shat my pants, have now joined the ranks of disgusting pants-shitting Redditors, where do I get my badge?