<human>: Throwaway for obvious reasons. This is very hard for me to talk about, and I'm not sure if it's in the right place. There may be triggers. This is a long distance relationship, and we are due to meet up in one month.

I came into this relationship after being in an abusive relationship. I was hit, controlled, punished, and treated awfully by my ex, and he eventually left me after I got sick from stress. I have anxiety and depression, and am off and on medication.

My current partner, has done nothing wrong. He hasn't hurt me, or been abusive. He's put in so much effort into this relationship. He's done nothing wrong.

I, on the other hand, have been emotionally and mentally abusive to him. I've lied to him about countless things, manipulated him, and hurt him in many ways. For some reason I can't understand, he still loves me and doesn't want me to leave.

He tells me if I want to fix things, that I will stay and change and be a good person and ultimately repair the relationship.

I feel that this can't be done, and the best thing I can do for him right now is to cancel the flights, cut contact and leave, essentially repeating what my ex did to me.

I don't know what I should do. I don't want to hurt him anymore, and you don't do this to someone you love. I can't see this being anything more than a failed relationship, and a wakeup call to go see a psychiatrist.

Please help. I need outsider opinions, even if they'll all tell me I'm a psychopath.

Provide a brief overview of the text.
<bot>: After being abused by an ex, I am now abusing my partner of 3 years. I want to stop, but the only option I see is to leave him, which he doesn't want.