<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

I've had an active culture of kombucha growing in a 32oz glass jar on top of my kitchen cabinets for about 2 years now. Today as I was reaching for a lunchbox next to the jar, the strap wrapped around it and yanked it from it's resting place, causing it to fall directly onto my head. 

If you've ever had kombucha tea, you'll know that the drink has a mildly unpleasant scent, but consider that it's made with only a small portion of this original liquid fermented into say, a gallon of tea. So imagine that smell concentrated by at least 100x and you'll get an idea of what I just dumped on my head. The pungent, yeasty-smelling liquid and slimy chunks of SCOBY (symbiotic culture of bacteria & yeast) now covering my entire body, I watched in slow-motion as the jar then fell to the ground and shattered. Droplets of the liquid and shards of glass exploded into every possible crevice of my kitchen (into open cabinets, under the fridge, under the oven, into the toaster, etc) and onto my dog who was standing nearby. I spent 30 minutes cleaning it up and it still smells awful in there.
<bot>: I spilled a jar of kombucha culture on my head and my entire house now smells like a yeast factory fucked a vinegar distillery.