<human>: Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?

So I was in love and he wasn't after all. Heartbroken. Moving on, it's been a week and in the last 4 months of the relationship we had almost no sex at all. I can't go in to the dating scene fresh off a dumping while desperate for sex and companionship so I make sure to just take it slow and easy at first. No dates the first week after, just friends.

Like an IDIOT, I download a couple of dating apps and delete all but Scruff because the people there struck a balance just palatable enough for me to use. Even still, I am finding guys IN MY AREA whos only activities seem to be working out, international travel, and sex. 

Who the hell are these ubermensch? God I feel inadequate. Sure I might be saddled with student loans and working a crummy 9 to 5 but hey man I've got enough going right? I've been working out with gains, I have a dog, big schlong, good humor. Its just I got lucky with this last one because I had finally met somebody organically and not in a college setting! Now I'm back to trying my luck finding gays in the wild barrens of Bucks County PA au naturale or with the use of apps who prominently feature greek gods cut from marble who only want to bone and sip champagne in Hong Kong. 

FML
<bot>: Newly single, WHO ARE THESE MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE ON THE INTERNET??? And they are so picky!