<human>: When I was doing my military service we were loading up supplies for a winter warfare exercise and I was checking the top of a trailer that everything was bolted down correctly. When it became time to come down I decided that the 7 foot or so jump back to earth would be fine, what I didn't really count on was that the jack for the trailer had an upright handle and that the upper surface of the trailer was quite slippery.

So instead of gracefully jumping down I slipped down so that the handle went trough my snow suit, BDU's and my thermal underwear... While I came back to my senses crying in agony on the frozen ground I had the chance to reflect that if it had gone 3" to the right I'd have lost a cherry I intended to keep and if it had gone further 3" forwards I'd be singing soprano.

In the end nothing was broken, not even skin, but the bruise was magnificent to look at in the mirror in all its glory and multitude of colors. 

I'd have never thought that I'd be deliriously happy about bruise that size but in the end everything is relative.

Give me a shortened version of the text
<bot>: fell on an upright jack handle on a trailer, penetrated three layers of clothes, had some nice bruises but luckily missed the target ring and the secondary target...