<human>: I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. I did this because I'd fallen out of love, because there were incompatible differences in our personalities, and because I wanted to explore other romantic possibilities. Neither of us ever cheated or anything like that. Although I no longer feel romantically attached to my ex, he's still important to me. He was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first everything. He has this quirkiness that I love, and I definitely want him in my life.

He took things well when we first broke up. He agreed that we should stay friends. But the next day, I had to go by his place to drop some stuff off, and he flipped out. He spent 5 hours trying to convince me to come back. It was absolutely heartbreaking to watch him cry and beg. I went home later that evening and just sobbed. I knew that I'd made the right decision, but I felt like a monster. I'd tried to be as kind and sympathetic as I could during the breakup, but I'd apparently still managed to inflict so much pain. This evening, I went on a date with a guy that I'd met on Tinder. My date mentioned doing something that coincidentally used to be something that my ex and I used to do, and it triggered something in me. I went home and just bawled my eyes out for an hour. I tried calling my ex over and over, not to get back together, but because I just needed to hear his voice. He's still dear to me, and I miss him. 

I want to move on. I want to meet other men. But I just feel this intense guilt and sadness inside me. I desperately want my ex to be a part of my life. How do I cope with this? This is my first breakup. I didn't think it would be this bad since I initiated it, but I was wrong.

Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: I recently broke up with my bf of 2 years. How do I deal with the guilt and sadness I'm feeling right now?