<human>: We started having some problems before Christmas, I was recovering from depression and she was horribly worn out from work. She began having an emotional affair with a coworker about three months ago, claiming she no longer felt anything for me.

This obviously floored me, I knew I wasn't myself, but I could never have anticipated her disengaging emotionally and becoming obsessed with this guy. 

For several weeks they met in secret for coffees and lunches. When it finally came out that they were spending time together she convinced me that it was purely platonic and for support. 

About a month ago I saw an email from him (after an argument with her) which confirmed my fear: that his interest was romantic, something to a degree she thinks she reciprocates.

We are seeing a marriage counsellor who made it clear to her that this was far from OK. I asked her to drop contact with him, and up until this week she claims she hasn't spoken to him at all.

I've reason to believe that last week she did meet him due to something one of her colleagues has since said. I'm certain that she saw him briefly yesterday, and absolutely positive she is back in contact with him generally.

Is there any hope for us while she is fixated on this guy? They aren't having a physical relationship and don't seem to know much of one another beyond time spent in these illicit meetings. Have I made a rod for my own back asking her to drop contact, making him more forbidden and therefore desirable?

Is there any rational way I can explain to her that she has to take a break from him so that we can figure out what we will do? I don't blame her for seeking comfort when we hit a rough patch, it feels like she's in love with the fantasy, more than anything real.

Or to put it another way, can I expect her to figure out her feelings towards me fairly while he's still on her mind?

Can you summarize the given text in a few sentences?
<bot>: My wife began an emotional affair with a coworker after we hit problems late last year. She lied about it for almost two months, has recent resumed contact. How do I talk to her about this?