<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

Hey everybody,

So I'm 23 (f) and my current SO is 25 (m), we're in a very, well, awkward situation.

A little back story, we both met during a working vacation at a resort 2 years ago in Banff AB. He was very large and unhealthy and I was not at all interested. I knew he always had feelings for me. After 4 months the vacation was over, I moved home to Toronto, he followed. We became good friends, but I never really saw him as more than that. He moved back to England as his visa ran out, and I remained living in Canada.

Fast forward to Sept this year, I visited the UK on vacation, and we reconnected. He had lost a lot of weight, for me and I found him quite attractive. So I decided to finally make a move. Turns out I took his virginity (I didn't know he was a virgin, but I also wasn't surprised). We started dating and have been long distance since Sept, I'm just waiting for his visa to come through so he can move back. Should come through in a few months.

Sounds like a reasonable relationship, but, I have been feeling disgusted by him lately. I have a tendency to lose interest in anyone with no thought. But he cares about me so much, too much. I cheated on him, and told him, he cried, but forgave me instantly. He's always making comments like I'm the best thing that ever happened to him, and he can never lose me. The more he pours his heart out, the more pathetic and gross I see him.

I feel like I'm trying to find any excuse to get out, yet I have no reason. He's literally perfect for me. I just can't help but feel he's disgusting, just because he has feelings for me. I do have a history a lot of childhood mental trauma and self esteem issues.

Do I break it off to stop hurting him any further? Or should I try and work through my commitment issues?
<bot>: feeling disgusted by my long distance SO, and genuinely like him, yet try to find every excuse to break it off.