<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

Bf and I have problems in our relationship that we do not often talk about because we both are extremly uncomfortable when it comes to talking about feelings. We are aware of this and  are trying to better ourself. 

When bf today left for school and I were home in by myself I opened bf:s notebook that he keeps for writing down feelings, notes or just stuff he do not want to forget. I know it was extremely dumb and intruding of me to read this but I wanted to know what he really feels( sometimes I doubt  he wants to be with me and wanted to confirm/disconfirm this)  and so that we could have a real talk when he comes home. Oh so stupid stupid I am, and damn do I regret it now. He had not written much, but a couple of months ago he had written " i feel like I am dating the most disgusting person in the world" and "whats make mo so angry is that she is so easy and lose", "thinking about our past - not so pleasant" and " fucking whore, slut I hate (my name)".He also wrote that he must suppress this feelings and i guess he did because he has NEVER said anything about this to me. 

I must also say that I have never cheated or even been close, I have not talked to ex:s behind his back or anything. Of course I have slept with other people before we got together and I actually kissed someone long before we were "official" because I panicked about feeling trapped (stupid I know, I regretted it directly)  but I cannot see how he found out about that. I don't like the term slut; I  like sex and have had one night stands. Does that make me a slut? 
 
Reddit, what do I do? I am ashamed I read his secrets and regret it, and he would be rightly angry if he found out, but I cannot live with not knowing why he thinks I am a slut. I am surprised and hurt and want to be able to defend myself.
<bot>: i read bf:s diary where he stated that he is dating a disgusting slut, for me out of the blue. I feel hurt and suprised, what do I do?