<human>: So I came home from a long day of school, I decided to pick up a lil something something on the way home today, I decided to go for a smoke before my mom showed up which I did.. Then decided to fall asleep! I woke up to the house with all the lights off and the faint smell of some cooking.. So me being the pig I am ran to the fridge to see what was made..

To my delight there were 3 boiled egg's in a bowl, looking like 3 eggs that were about to be eaten but before that I needed to get high.. I went for a smoke then half way through my smoke put the egg's in the microwave for 45 seconds.. (I never knew they blew up if nuked) so MY egg's don't blow up.. Oh NOOO, So I decide to pour some ketchup in the bowl, and mow away.. 

Here's where I fuck up I grabbed one of the egg's, it was hot as fuck so I drove it into my mouth.. Oh did I mention they call me One-bite at school? I'm infamous for my eating capabilities.. The egg enters my mouth and as I crunch down on it I hear a pop followed with an instant numbness in my mouth and jaw, as the lights were still out brilliant me decides to spit ALL of the egg out towards the other two egg's and SURE ENOUGH they both blow up and scold whatever the pieces of egg touch, including my face and my bare stomach, with me freaking the fuck out finally realizing my jaw is still attached and my lips are all charred from the egg releasing hot steam onto the side of my face, now I look like I got half a joker smile going on + all the small burn marks from the debris of egg that flew everywhere, I clean up and mom comes out and continues to laugh at me how stupid I am and that I look like the joker, Did I mention there's also ketchup EVERYWHERE I needed to clean up?

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: I nuked three egg's then ate one and it blew up in my mouth following with the other two to explode and burn me all over.