<human>: For me it has to be the time my straight-laced, judgemental, rigid life-plan-having,  tea-party republican, pastor's daughter friend who has a chronic case of stick-up-the-assitus turned into a giggling, trampy schoolgirl around my bisexual, tattooed, alcoholic, slacking, atheistic, socialist hipster (now ex) boyfriend. When I say trampy, I mean *trampy*. This girl, who I've known for over a decade, is the biggest prude I've ever known and she starts very obviously flirting with the first boyfriend of mine I've ever introduced to her. The highlight of the evening being her fellating two hookah mouthpieces while giving my boyfriend the "fuck me" eyes after eating raw oysters and waxing poetic about their aphrodesiac qualities while staring this boy *down* (I would think troll, but she's incapable of it.). As for the two of us, he looked like a scared bunny rabbit and I was torn between figuring out how I'd fallen into the Twilight Zone and pulling a Sassy Gay Friend on her ass and asking,"What, what, what are you doing?". I settled for staring and promising my traumatised manboy that he would never have to hang out with the crazy lady ever again.

My ex was the only one who'd had more than a single beer.

Give me a shortened version of the text
<bot>: FRIEND WHO SAYS AN EVANGELICAL MITT ROMNEY IS HER DREAM MAN GOES SLUT-TASTIC AROUND POLAR OPPOSITE