<human>: I was recently in a College production. At the end of the show the cast stand on stage and bow, and then it goes blackout. I mean really blackout. Can't see your own hand in front of your face darkness. 

My friend and I  (both dudes) occasionally slap each others butts to weird each other out, or sometimes, as a congratulatory slap. 
We lined up for the curtain call and I spied my friend (let's call him Larry) next to friend B. Larry was dressed as an oompa loompa. As the extreme darkness ensues I walk over to the oompa loompa next to friend B. 
I went for the soft cupping action (haaaa GayYY), not the hard slap we usually go for. Something felt strange about Larry's Buttcheek. 

It was not Larry. Larry squats. Larry squats a lot. 
This butt was soft like a pillow.

Larry was not the only oompa loompa on stage that night.
To my horror  I had grabbed a girls butt (lets call her Mary). Mary is someone who I had never spoken to, and we are both in relationships.

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: I caressed a booty that was neither my best friend Larry's, nor my girlfriends. FTFO about it.