<human>: Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?

I tried my hand at making my own "unwiches," which are basically lettuce wrapped sandwiches and it didn't go so well. 

I thought, "Well, shit. I can just chop dat lettuce up and add the various sandwich ingredients and it'll be easier and the same damn thing."

That went okay, but, I wanted better greens. Dem vitamins. Dat taste... mmm. 

So I buy this big bin of spring mix from Costco, yeah? And right off the bat there's "nodules" of slimy squished rotten leaves in it. Gross.

I don't think I got a "bad batch" or anything, this just seems to be the nature of the beast. 

I don't want this to put me off vegetables but man, the first time I got a mouthful of that I almost fucking barfed all over myself. >_< 

I'm going to finish this bin, and have taken to washing the salad in a colander, but I gotta think: There's gotta be a better way! 

So is there a better way to buy fresh greens? In bunches? What are some of your tips and tricks to get fresh crunchy delicious spinach, kale, arugula, etc? 

Some input that is probably great but will not really be helpful to me: "Grow your own!" Yeahthanksno, aint nobody got time fa dat. Someday probably but it's just not viable right now.
<bot>: Big plastic bins of "Organic Spring Mix" and similar tend to have slimy gross rotten bits in them where a leaf has gotten crushed. What is your best tip to get fresh crunchy leafy greens?