<human>: As per this didn't happen today, but 2 weeks ago. Bit of a background on myself, strong atheist, polite 20 year old English lad. Unsure if anyone else does this, but I swear after I sneeze like a tourette tick. Anyway, down to the story - 
It was my cousins christening and I didn't want to go, as I really dislike churches but the dear mother 'convinced' me to go (basically blackmailed me). We all get to the church, all get inside and sit down on the pews, Vicar asks everyone to stand up and sing before the ceremony, now again emphasizing that I am indeed polite, I didn't want to sing, so instead I just sat there quietly - First FU, after the song was finished the Vicar came over and told me that if I wasn't going to get involved, then I should sit at the back of the room (he must have been having a bad day) So again, polite old me accepts and moves to the back of the room, only slightly embarrassed, receiving some very distasteful looks from the family. Anyway, I sit down and the Vicar carries on the ceremony, midway through his sentence, I let rip a massive sneeze, followed up by screaming F$%£ OFF! Realising my mistake, I made for the exit of the building, and got the biggest arse kicking off my mother..

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: Sneezed then screamed an obscenity in a church, received a nice arse kicking off the dearest mother.