<human>: Provide a brief overview of the text.

Dammit.  The only reason I will type that this happened two hours ago and not just this moment is because of the time it took me to get the caulk off of my hands.

I thought I was being the super-smooth husband/dad/homeowner.  I went to the local building supply store, purchased the caulk (and extra just in case), the gun...  I mean, I've done this before and there's not much to sealing a shower or tub in a bathroom.

Well, stupid me forgot to puncture a hole in the top of the caulk tube before inserting it into the gun.  I squeeze and I squeeze and I freaking squeeze...  I must have gotten halfway into the tube thinking to myself, "Gee willakers, Jonathan, why isn't this working, nothing is coming out?"

That's when I looked at the back of the gun and saw all of the liquid caulk speaking all over my hand.  I put the gun in the bathtub (ruining my son's ninja turtle bath mat) and tried (stupidly) to wash the shit off my hands.  Fuck me, it only spreads it.  It was everywhere in the bathroom and I wanted to try to save face so I started grabbing hand-cup full of the crap and spreading it across the seams in the bathtub...  I'm so stupid it didn't help a bit and got the walls, tub, tiles. everything including me covered in caulk.

The worst part is, I thought the can was defective and loaded another and did the same darn thing.

I wish I took pictures to show you reddit, but I couldn't touch anything until I cleaned up.  So mad...  Diary of a stoned homeowner...
<bot>: I forgot to poke a hole in the top of two cans of caulk, got that shit all over myself and the bathroom.