<human>: First some backstory. We bought a house together 8 months ago, both our names are on the mortgage. We have a joint bank account and we file our taxes as married even though we technically aren't. We've lived together for 3yrs. I go to school and he works and makes good money. 

He's a good guy and he's done a lot for me but I just don't love him. I never have. I hoped I would grow to love him but it hasn't happened. I can't talk to him at all. I've been depressed for years and been hiding it from the whole time. He says he just wants me to be happy and I can leave him any time but then he turns around and says he loves me more than anything and I'm all he has and he can't live without me. It kills me inside to think how much it would hurt him for me to leave. 

I feel like a horrible person. I've been lying to him all this time, telling him I love him and I'm happy and I want to be with him when I've known all along it's not true. I just really wanted it to be true. 
I just started an internship and I'm the happiest I've been in a very long time. I know if I stay with him I'll never be happy like this again. I want to be free to experience life and go my own way but I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. I don't want to be a selfish bitch. I just want to be happy. 

I could really use some advice. This has been eating away at me all these years and I've never had the courage to say it out loud. I don't know what to do.

Summarize the given text in a few sentences.
<bot>: Been with boyfriend for 4yrs but don't love him. Want to leave him but don't have the heart to do it. Don't even know how to leave him without being an evil bitch. Need advice.