<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

I [F18] keep getting small to major freak outs about my relationship with my SO [M25] of almost a year. Our relationship started out as a long distance relationship (I live in Finland, he lived in Norway), but we are currently living in my parents' house while he gets sorted with a job and his own place. We are quite fantastic together - we can talk about everything; every problem and every fart and every joy. 

Before we met I had been single for over a year, recovering from an overly attached boyfriend who said I was the one who decided whether he would live or die, and a rebound boyfriend with whom the quality of communication was lacking, in addition to the tragic death of a newborn baby boy in my family. I was planning to stay single at least until I was in my twenties, but how could I say no to this sweet, wonderful man. 

Now, I keep freaking out… I get this icy feeling in my chest, afraid that I didn't feel; or rather didn't allow myself to commit to the butterflies for a sufficiently long time when we first started to get to know each other, afraid of suddenly wanting to break up, afraid that the love I feel is just something my mind is making up to fool us both, to hurt us and especially him. These fears make my true emotions and feeling shut down and hide, which only makes it worse. I'm afraid of bringing out my true feelings because my mind is telling me "what if the feelings are not to our benefit, what if there is no love in them." 

That being said, these thoughts mostly occur during or right before PMS hits. I don't want to contribute what's going on entirely to hormones, but thought it would be relevant anyhow. Then again, a couple of weeks after my period (probably when I'm ovulating) every month I'm crazy affectionate. 

The thing is, he's everything I could ever ask for, and even more. The easy way would be to end it and just keep being lonely, not risking hurting anyone, but I'm not willing to take the easy way now. I need to give this a chance - because this is the greatest man I have ever met.
<bot>: I keep freaking out because I associate love and relationships with something inherently negative, which gives me a hard time allowing myself to commit and *feel*. How do I move forward with my amazing and supportive boyfriend?