<human>: Can you succinctly summarize the text in 1-3 sentences?

Tactics I am using: Therapy, minfulness training, meditation, journaling

Background:

Grew up with little to no emotional development in my family. Everything was pretty avoidant of conflict, addressing emotions or discussing feelings. Not a viscerally negative upbringing but I can see now how it caused me to become emotionally underdeveloped.

So now, after 1 3/4 years of depression my husband (together 7 years) really needs me to step up and address these issues. I had thought and said I was working on it but turns out I wasn't willing to put in the work. Now, understandably, there is a tension, distance and mistrust. 

So here is my question:

How do you keep yourself from doing those behaviors that cause tension?

I am defensive, take things personally, selfish, self centered, resistant to change, unable to take responsibility for my emotions and passive aggressive. I am many other good things, but that's not what we're addressing here. :)

I have so much trouble not just going on autopilot and reacting. I open up a program (ex.: feeling embarassed has a program) and just mindlessly react without really paying attention to ur knowing what I am doing. Don't get me wrong, I am still reponsible for this, but they are very engrained in my behavior patterns.

How did you change and grow? 
How did you keep yourself patient?
How did you maintain a (healthy) relationship during this change?
<bot>: Trying to become more emotionally developed but am finding it tough to actively implement the chamges I know I need to make. How do you practice those skills so they become second nature.