<human>: Condense the text into a few key points

A little context first: my mom tried to kill herself about 2 months ago, and my parents 40-year-marriage has struggled for almost a year now. It was a really painful thing to go through, but I thought I was okay with it, until last week. My bf has being there to support me, and he's pretty much the only one I tell this to.

Las week my bf and I went out with some of his friends. They told him they were going on a trip for 3 weeks, and that he should come. He then talked to me about it and I told him sure, why not (I can't go since my classes start next week). I was fine till then, but later that night at his place, I had an awful breakdown. I started crying and couldn't get what happened to my mom out of my head.

Since then and this whole week it's been awful talking about the trip. Everytime he has to plan things or talk about it I start having really selfish thoughs (like "why does he pick going out with his friends and leaving me here al by myself", "why doesn't he ever want to go on a trip with me", etc) out of loneliness. And then I just feel mad with myself about not being able to be happy for him. Then I scare myself thinking "what about something happens to my mom and his not here to support me".  And then I talk to him and cry a bunch.

This has happened the whole week. It's gotten better over the days - first 3 days or so I had a really hard time getting out of bed. But I still feel like shit from time to time, and I don't know what to do about it.

I really love him and want to be happy for him, but all I can feel is loneliness. He says I should go to therapy, but I can't afford it on my own and I don't want to get my mom involved, since I'm scared she will feel guilty.
<bot>: Bf is going on a trip with some friends, and since some bad shit has happened to me lately, I don't know how to not feel lonely/scared/unwanted when he's away.