<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

So today I bought some Chipotle so I spread crap loads of Tabasco sauce onto my burrito with shredded beef I take a bite. I eat until 3/4 is up until I then try to take another bite. This time the burrito is bigger than usual so I widen my mouth a little larger till well... my jaw starts hurting so then I try to back up by taking the thing out of my mouth.(That's what she said) But it turns out that the Chipotle made me also want to crap. So I was stuck there with tons of crap waiting to leave while my jaw was hurting and stuck like crap. One move would let all the crap out. So then I felt a sneeze and then I tried to hold it in but the spiciness of the Tabasco sauce was hurting so I sneezed and released all my crap in my pants. And blew all my food all over my table.
<bot>: I tried to open my mouth bigger than usual, got my jaw stuck and hurting, crapped my pants, and blew food all over my table.