<human>: Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?

I'm a writer.  Like most writers, I've lived on the fringe of poverty most of my life.  Until now.  One of my works is being adapted into a big budget film.  

I received a check for 30,000 today.  Once production begins I'll receive 220,000 (A quarter mil less today's 30k) and I will be taking a percentage of profit less my 250k advance.  

It's still shaky.  The deal could stall.  The movie could bomb.  

Or it could work out.  I need to learn how to handle money.  I know the cardinal rule.  Don't touch it.  And I'm not--although I did immediately sign up for subscriptions with the Economist and the WSJ. 

The more I read, the more terrified I am of getting involved in stocks.   Just today I read an article in the Journal about markets falling in lieu of Greece's economic woes.  

How can I learn to invest safely without losing my shirt?  If this works out in the best way possible I'm looking at something in the low 7 figures.  Probably not enough to hire a broker, but just enough to either change my life or foolishly squander.  I'd rather not stumble into the latter.

I want to learn everything I can about investing.  I'm reading papers.  If you have any books to recommend, I'll check those out.  Are there classes on money management available out there?  I really don't want to take anything at a college.  I want 100% practical material.  I do not want to deal with prerequisites or any college nonsense.  I got my degree.  I don't want to go back, except maybe to grad school, and that would likely be something related to literature.  This may sound bizarre, but I'd love to enroll in the trade school equivalent of an economics/finance course.
<bot>: Starving writer gets his break, terrified of screwing up and losing everything.  Please tell me what to read, where to study and learn