<human>: Can you provide a brief rundown of the text in within 3 sentences?

Like the title said I have hit my boyfriend for the third or fourth time. He always forgives me usually because I sob uncontrollably after. Of course like every abuser I tell him that I love him, and that I will never do it again.
I don't know why I am so violent. In real life I am very calm and mellow, when I am stressed out I usually just ramble on about how shitty things are and move on. But when we are fighting sometimes I get so mad at him for trivial things (like pouting or giving me ultimatums like, if we don't smoke weed then I am going to sit in the living room), these little disagreements I get so mad, I end up shoving him, and smacking him in the face.
This is totally unfair, I know that if he were to hit me, everyone would tell me to leave, his friends wouldn't ever talk to him again, and someone would beat him up. The first time I almost hit him we were drunk and fighting over going to bed, I raised my hand to hit him, and then I sat down, crying for almost hitting him. The next big fight I punched him, now I push and shove him during any arguement. I am so disappointed in myself. I had never hit anyone before in my life.
I don't know what to do, I do not want to break up, I love him this is my longest relationship I have had. This guy is my best friend, but I can't hit him, he deserves so much better than me. What am I to do? What is the next step. Is there any chance of salvaging this relationship? I am meeting with a psychologist tomorrow afternoon. 
If it makes a difference we have been going out for over a year and living together officially since June.
<bot>: I [21F] beat the shit out of my boyfriend whenever he sucks at being my boyfriend. Unsure of what to do next.