<human>: Can you provide a brief rundown of the text in within 3 sentences?

So i've had attachment issues for awhile because of family problems (that I deem as irrelevant in this narrative, i'll edit if needed). My issues make it hard to love the people I'm supposed to love.

Now I'm finally in my first ever long term relationship with a girl. She's witty, attractive, and passionate in her field of study, qualities that I contend as being "important". But I find it extremely hard to express emotions around her. It's like I'm shielding myself. When I do open up to her, it's a mostly grounding experience where I cry and express remorse for being a bad boyfriend. She's sometimes understanding, other times not, but always supportive. 

I rarely let my guard down and mostly play the "cool guy" role. She tells me that I'm better than her, and I can't help but sometimes indulge my ego because it makes things easier on me (and wrongly so). I really want to love. I really want to feel something. I've dealt with worsening anxiety and depression for the better half of my adolescent-to-post-adolescent life, and I see this as a major contributor to all of the above. 

Sometimes I love her. And sometimes I don't. 

My problem is really that I can rationalize that yes, she is a great girlfriend. I felt comfortable enough to begin a relationship with her (keep in mind she is my FIRST long term girlfriend). And she goes above and beyond her duties as a girlfriend to please me. But I'm struggling to feel these things. Also it's scary to think that my ennui may be a draw for her. This might be an element that she finds attractive in me, and that this keeps the novelty going for her. 

From a practical perspective, how do I juggle these issues? How do you love? How do you break your outer shell? How do you begin to trust those around you? How do you become vulnerable?
<bot>: I have attachment issues and find it hard to love people (specifically my girlfriend at the moment), and am seeking to break this bad spell.