<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

I live in a shitty little town in rural US. I won't say exactly where, but Westboro Baptist Church are our neighbors. My town hasn't really heard of the whole gay rights thing.

When I was 12 I met "Jordan" at school (my class had like 10 people in it) and he got to be my best friend soon. He and his mom had moved here from New York City because his grandma lived here. We were just real good friends for 3 years, and then when I was 15 we started dating in secret. 

Jordan and I both still live here, mostly because our families are here. Hes the only person on the planet who knows I'm gay. Mostly I've been cool with sneaking around but in the last 3 years or so I've been very depressed. I see my buddies getting married and going out to eat with their girls and it feels like it's not fair that I have to act like some criminal or something. 

I've talked to Jordan about this and he does not want to come out. Not that he's not ready, but he's just made up his mind that he never wants to do it. He says he loves me but we've been doing this for so long already and it's not worth us potentially getting killed just so we can hold hands in public. We had a very emotional conversation and he said he understands if this is a dealbreaker for me and I want to move to a different city, and we could try to be long distance. (He can't move with me because his mom is sick and needs him.)

I don't want to leave w/out him though. So i've chosen to stay and keep sneaking around like we have been. I just don't know how to feel less depressed about it.
<bot>: Secretly dating my best friend since we were kids and he won't let me come clean about our relationship to our families and small town.