<human>: Since I've started dating I've had problems with suddenly becoming repulsed by guys, which makes me worried. What tends to happen is I get hugely infatuated with them at the start of a relationship, and then at some point (usually after our first tipsy make-out session) it's like the upward swing of my feelings suddenly plummets in the other direction. 

I am currently dating the sweetest guy ever. He is so caring/attentive and we can talk for hours. I feel very lucky to have met him. When we first met I had a massive crush on him and found him very attractive. We had a really nice first kiss, not like stomach-plungingly amazing but I definitely enjoyed it.

And the next day I woke up and felt... grossed out. It's two days later and I'm struggling with the thought of taking things further. I don't know why this has happened. I still really like him. I am not asexual or anything; I have a high sex drive. I did have a mostly absent father growing up and have always struggled to relate to men. 

I still want to keep dating him, but I'm scared that these feelings are a bad sign. What if I hate it when we have sex and really hurt his feelings? 

But this seems to be a thing I do with almost every guy I've ever dated. I know from experience that if I broke up with him, the feelings will come rushing back and I'll regret it. But I feel very strongly averse to physical thoughts of him at the moment.

It could be linked to anxiety.... I am definitely anxious about taking things further.

It might be partly to do with his quite passive style of physical contact (I had to initiate the first kiss, but he initiated the second). (He is not a virgin though). 

Any advice would be really appreciated, especially if you've had feelings like this too! Thank you.

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<bot>: I want to lose my virginity to the guy I'm dating but after nice first kiss having unexplained feelings of 'ick'