<human>: I've got a pair of my favorite underpants that have a hole in the base of them. So, some *things* poke out the bottom. I have other undies but these ones are so comfortable that I couldn't think of chucking them out.

Anyway, I was going to for a cycle to a friends place today when I reached for the undies, but again, I had the aforementioned problem, except today I was going to do something about it. I grabbed some toilet paper and put it over the hole. With the problem addressed, I left to go riding, thinking about how this would make a great first post to /r/lifeprotips like the filthy karma slut I am.

After a whole day out riding things took a turn for the worse when I got home. I'm getting changed and pull off my undies. My now chaffed to oblivion balls hit the cool winter air with a thump and tears were shed.

Can you provide a brief rundown of the text in within 3 sentences?
<bot>: LPT: Need chaffed balls? Put toilet paper in the bottom of your undies and go for a cycle.