<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

So it's 2:17  in the morning and I'm playing some COD, yep no life. So I see a pack of sour skittles across the room. Craving that shit I venture over to grab some. Noticing they don't display the new Green Apple flavor  
on the package I realize these things are old. I am hungry though and don't feel like venturing out of my man cave. 

So I take a handful and start to chew. Fucking pop three braces brackets, stuck in my cheek. So I'm spitting blood and stale skittles all over my new carpet. I get up and go to the bathroom, clean up and shit

Realizing my parents may be asleep I am hesitant to go to their room. But wait, they just got home from the bar so I'll tell my mom (usual designated driver.)

Open the door, hear creaking noises. Mouth hurts and is fucking bleeding so I open the door. Worst mistake. Parents are going at it, "Oh go to bed," says dad, "Nothing's going on." 

Being fifteen I realize they are commencing in their mating shit so I get the fuck out.
<bot>: Never eat stale skittles with braces. I'm typing this with a mouth full of toilet paper soaking up the blood as we speak.