<human>: Went shopping at Costco the other day and picked up some Phillipine brand coconut candy (highly recommend).  

Was feeling hungry and sat down with a beer, a book (Dawkins, currently), and this bag of coconut candy to polish up as dessert and to finish off my day.  Got a little lost in thought/time and ended up eating the whole bag of candy.  Feeling like a fat/accomplished man I decide it is time for bed as I have work early on Saturday.  

About 30 minutes into my slumber I wake up with uncomfortable gas.  Long, drawn out flatulence that smells absolutely horrid.  If it weren't so painful, it would be genuinely hilarious.  I cannot sleep and I cannot stop farting as my colon has turned itself into something reminiscent of a third lung.  

I checked the package of the coconut candy, seeing as how this is the only deviation from my normal diet, and I find that in this bag alone there is 98g of fiber.  I've made a huge mistake.

Saturday morning right now and I'm still dealing with a constant discomfort and airflow.  These farts are hilariously loud, grotesquely rank, and are uncomfortable as hell. I fear for the safety of my bunghole and the porcelain at work.

Condense the text into a few key points
<bot>: ate a bag of coconut and now my ass is talking shit as I await for the great cataclysm that will be this bowel movement.