<human>: Background: Only child raised by a single parent and have only met my father a handful of times.  When he found out my mom was pregnant he said he didn't want anything to do with me. When I was about 6 he decided he wanted to meet me so he came to visit me in my home state.  It went well but since I was so young, I thought it was just super cool to be able to say that I had a dad.  From ages 6-14 we talked maybe once every few months and I saw him about 5 more times. When I was 14 he disappeared, he stopped communication with everyone. 

Turned out he ran off to a different state and started a new life. I was really hurt by this and confused as why he didn't say anything. When I turned 18 starting my freshmen year of school he decided to write me a letter.  The letter was pretty much him apologizing for not being there and asking if we could start communicating again. After much contemplation I agreed and we starting talking regularly.  

That summer I met him for brunch. It was weird to see him, he didn't feel like my dad, more just like some strange man. After that we kept talked and he asked if I wanted to come see him for Christmas, I agreed that it might be nice and booked a plane ticket out to him.  Fast forward to the morning of my fight.  I woke up feeling so scared that is was actually happening, this turned into an emotional break down.  I ended up emailing him telling him I wasn't coming and to not contact me again and I will contact him when I am ready. 

I feel like this relationship with him has greatly impacted my other relationships with people.  It has  lead to strong feelings of jealously when seeing other peoples whole familys together. And a lot of insecurities and I struggle with daily.

I am wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation? Do you think having a relationship with my father would be worth it? I am struggling to figure out how I feel.  Part of me wants it but the other part thinks, whats the point, I am already an adult and its too late for him to ever be a true father to me.

Can you summarize the given text in a few sentences?
<bot>: Have had on and off relationship with father, we are not currently speaking, seeking advice about if I should talk to him again.