<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

I don't know if I'm afraid of commitments or anything.  Call it alexithymia if you will.  I just don't know how I feel.  Right now I'm single.  I've had 3 relationships lasting approximately 1-2 years each.   I wouldn't say I'm a bad person but I always secretly sort of questioned if I loved them.  I liked their company but frankly 2/3 relationships ended on not so good notes.  One of the guys I had broken up with twice because I felt bad about 'not liking him enough' and frankly I think I mistook love for friendship.  I felt guilty.  Spoiler: he ended up being gay too (although I found out way after the breakup).  Still I felt nothing particular.  Just pissed he didn't tell me when I found out.  Another guy was really complicated... long story short, he was a douche.  Anyway recently I also experienced a 'best friend' breakup.  I thought I would have felt way more but nope, life didn't end and all is good.   This being said, looking at all of this, deep down if I really think about it, I'll start to miss them and figure I probably threw out good relationships but its like I can't commit to anything... and those feelings of regret/longing mostly happen when I'm bored if I'm being honest, which probably make me a horrible person.  I also get that out of mind out of sight thing with friends too... I know I'm the common denominator.  But I can't say I feel much either even though I want to.  Is there a word for this, surely its not normal is it?
<bot>: Wondering if its normal to have delayed reactions/apathy to being broken up with and 'losing' people close to me...