<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

My first TIFU post. This is a poop story, happened last month. The Chinese food story reminded me of that:

I was with my family and I met them at an Indian restaurant and I met up with my friends afterwords. As soon as I got there, I started sweating and I was pale and they asked me if I was okay. My stomach hurt but I have IBS so it usually passes. But this was different. So I told them I'm heading home and as soon as I sat down, it hit me. It was one of the worst gastrointestinal pain I have ever had. I Iived 10 minutes away and I managed to haul ass as I made It to my door in under 5. I ran up and sat down on the shitter. 

The violence of this shit was something that I have never faced. My legs shot up mid air similar to those p90x ab workouts you see. And I was holding onto the sides of the toilet for stability, and as dropped the shit, I was in so much pain that I let out a King Kong like yell as my legs were airborne for a couple more minutes. As soon as it was all out, my legs finally returned to the floor and I proceeded to clean up. My brother who wasn't too far was absolutely scared shitless and had the phone ready to call for help.
<bot>: Took a shit so hard my legs were airborne for minutes as I held on the the side of the rim for stability yelling like King Kong. Never eat sketchy Indian food.