<human>: So the conversation somehow turned to giving blowjobs on boats after a colleague bolted to meet her boyf on a much better party on a boat on the Thames.

Quick as a flash, I said Felatio Nelson, on honour of our greatest naval commander ever (the one who was chinning Napoleon allowing the US to steal a march on independence). Cue laughter from mates who understand history, disgust from older colleagues and painful explainations to most birds within earshot. Matters weren't helped by me standing up and fistpumping my puntastic success.

Not the worst thing that happened tonight - I managed to be sick in front of a bouncer but caught it all in my hands and shimmied to the loos and neatly deposited it in a toilet, under the watchful eye of a humourless Eastern European security guy who was looking for an excuse to kick my ass. Bearing in mind I had organised the party and paid in avance

Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: office party tonight, which I organised, said hilariously distasetfuk joke before vomming into my hands.