<human>: Well a bit of a back story. I've been in 3 shitty car wrecks in 14 months, and I have to take a lot of pain meds. Well, those plug up your tummy. So, to counteract that, I take laxitives. I also have really poopy anxiety from being in pain all the time, and that's the shits. (Notice all the terms for poop happening) So here I am, house sitting for my parents, watching their awful cats and their turd excuse for a dog. (tea cup pomeranian) Needless to say, my first night here has been hell. So before I went to bed, I took my anti anxiety meds to actually get some real sleep. 

Well, I woke up 3 hrs later playing this game of, "am I, or aren't I going to shit my pants. I think I'm winning as I make it to the toilet, hell, I kicked the shit outta this game I think. Boy was inwrong. I drop my shorts to poop, and what do I see? Not a fucking 10 in wiener (fingers crossed I wake up with that one day though) but to a nice brownish yellow wet spot on the back of my favorite grey undies. I had lost this game this time, I got the living shit kicked out of me even, so to speak. So kids, if you take laxitives and klonopin before bed, you're playing a dangerous game of Turdmenistan Roulette. It's like Russian Roulette, only no bullets in the gun, just poos. I learned this morning, I'm not ready for the pros at this game yet, in all actuality, I'm not even eligible for the Dookie of the Year  award anymore. Plus side, it didn't migrate past my big boy panties and onto their nice, white, super expensive sheets.

Can you provide a brief rundown of the text in within 3 sentences?
<bot>: Took laxitives and klonopin before bed, got too relaxed, and pretty much shit the bed to start my day.