<human>: Can you summarize the given text in a few sentences?

I'll start.  

When I was about five, I was at a banquet with my family and they were serving chicken cordon bleu.  I didn't know what it was, so I asked my mom.  She said it was fried guinea pig.  I didn't eat it, and refused to eat it until I was 17.  And it still feels wrong.

One more.

Around age nine, my (very devout catholic) mom was on the phone with a close girl friend of hers.  I'm the youngest of three children, and there's a difference of ten years between me and the middle child.  She said something to the effect that I wasn't planned while on the phone, but my child-brain interpreted this as my parents didn't have sex before I was born.  Educated in a repressive catholic elementary school, I never learned otherwise until high school.
<bot>: troll mom told me that chicken cordon bleu was fried guinea pig, leading to me never eating it until leaving the house.  troll mom also makes me believe that I am Jesus for quite some time.