<human>: Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?

it's breaking my heart.

little bit of back story: I was first raped by a boyfriend, when I was 13, I was then raped by a stranger while I was living in the USA on my 15th birthday. My dad left to live in America when I was around 4 and I turned to the road of finding any man I could to "love" me when I was 11... Since being raped I've been strange about sex - I need control, I need to know I can say no, I need to know I'm safe.

My SO.. I guess he's never had any girl say "no" to him before, they just fell at his feet. I've always seen sex as an obligation... a way to have someone fall in love with me (i know, i know...) and when someone loves me, I'm no longer under any obligation.. you don't need to have sex all the time to stay in love.. sex doesn't make love..

I don't feel I am able to say no to my SO - when  I do it turns into a huge argument. He asks for hand jobs or blow jobs instead, he complains, he tells me I don't love him.. argues that I did it with all those other boys when I was younger, why not him? I don't know what to do.. We've broken up before - we came back to each other after both being with other people.. I do believe we love each other, I just think there's a lot of me that he doesn't love. I don't think he accepts my issues or problems - I don't address them because I don't feel ready.

I don't know what to do, or how to compromise, or how to talk about this.. we've been together for over a year..help me.
<bot>: Been together for over a year, I've got serious issues with sex, and he gets angry with me every time I say no.