<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

So, last week I got the email I was waiting for, that I had passed my background check and drug screen and I was cleared to start my new job.  "Your start date is...", all that business.  So I wrote up and sent in my resignation effective January 30.  Cool.

So today I get in and check my email, and I noticed I got one at around 8:00am today from someone in HR at my new job.  The email read something like "Since we did not receive a response from you to our last email, we are rescheduling your start date one week forward."  I responded and apologized for misreading the previous email (which apparently had said, and I quote, "Please reply to this message if you can or cannot start on this date.") and asked if I could still get into the February 2 training class, they said that the sign up for that one closed January 22.  FUCK.  So I call the scheduling supervisor at my current job and ask him if I can move my end date for all my clearances and everything a week forward.  His answer was a pretty fucking clear "Nope."  So, I've got an involuntary week "vacation" between the expiry of my security clearances at my current job and when I start my new job.
<bot>: New job thinks I can't start until the 9th because I fucked up and didn't take the time to read an email the second time through.  Current job is dickholes.