<human>: We have always had issues in the past, regardless of what it was about. I have cheated and lied and I don't think he has it in him any more to deal with me. 

I am feeling hopeless right now as I want to stay with him. He was my first boyfriend and I have been a horrible person. I know what I have done and said are wrong and I want to be able to get past this and move on. He says that we have too much baggage and doesn't want to be with me any more. He hasn't made anything official  (saying it's over or removing me from facebook) and has been sleeping on the couch the last week. 

I have written him a letter but he didn't say anything about it. He stated a week ago (a day after he said I was too much) that we could try to go ahead and list the things we want to do/make each other appreciated (something my best friend suggested we do.) But he ended up saying he's not going to make an effort to fix anything until I do. I have made a list but have not given it to him because he just says that's a small part of everything. He also states that I do not show I care about him. I tried to rub his feet and he said no that it was a boyfriend/girlfriend thing and that he didn't want it. 

I want to know how can I redeem myself  and find a way to show him I'm changing as well as show him I care about him? I want to be able to be happy with him and I don't want him to leave without hope of our future. I can not see myself with anyone else.

Can you succinctly summarize the text in 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: I cheated and lied multiple times, boyfriend of 8 years no longer wants the baggage of us and says he's just content with me. I want him to be happy but I want to be happy together.