<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

After my day job I go to night classes, and often get home late... This will be important later.

My wife and I had sex in our bedroom the other night. We have an 8 month old and are currently preventing conception. Moments later I rip the condom off, and finish in her mouth. All was well, and we went to sleep.

This morning I get a text from her telling me she has found a used condom near my pants by the laundry basket. You can see where this is going...

Given my busy schedule she is under the impression I am sleeping with someone (presumably a classmate), and somehow forgot to throw the condom away.

My only response is, "If I were actually going to cheat on you and didn't want you to find out I would certainly not bring the condom home with me."

As if it were some kind of trophy...
<bot>: I forgot to throw away the condom my wife and I used the other night, it stuck to my pants and found its way in our laundry leading my wife to believe I am cheating on her.