<human>: Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?

So my wife rarely farts, and when she does, it's nothing more than a 'poof'. We had just finished eating some Wendy's cheeseburgers when she rips the juiciest longest fart. Now I am probably the fartiest person I know. I take pride in just how unreal some of the sounds coming from my asshole can be. I never hold them in, because fuck that. I've really desensitized my wife over the years, but for some reason when she let's a giant fucking prub, I don't know how to react. I stared at her in horror over the couch-shaker she just released. She's dying laughing. I jokingly tell her that in order to assert my dominance over how disgusting that was, I'm going to take a shit on the living room floor. She says I would never do it in a million years, because "I'm not that kind of guy". This is when I turn into Marty McFly getting called Chicken. I'm thinking, my wife really doesn't know how low I'll go to come out on top of this situation. So I grab a taco bell bag from the coffee table, squatted down on the floor, and bombs away right into that bag. The whole room immediately smelled like my 300+ lb rectum. I run into the kitchen with the shit bag proclaiming my victory. My wife promptly begins emptying her Wendy's burger filled stomach all over our wood tile floor. The whole fucking meal. She starts screaming at me that her puking is all my fault (which it was) and that I get to clean up all her puke while she takes a shower. So her I am 15 minutes later, trying to get this all onto reddit before I forget. Front page status will be my only redemption.
<bot>: My wife farted, I took a shit in a bag on the floor, wife throws up her entire dinner on the floor, my sorry ass sitting her redditing while the puke dries on the floor.