<human>: I have had problems with trusting people even before this relationship began.  We met at a party through mutual friends, and at the time she was dating some kid from a distant state.  We continued to hang out, and she eventually dumped this kid for me. The breakup was bad, she dumped him and he called her a bunch of names like cunt and whatnot.  About a month into our relationship she had a trip planned to visit this state to see this kid, and she had the plane tickets bought already so she went to stay at her relatives instead due to the breakup.  Before she left I joked with her, DO NOT go see this kid and she promised she wouldn't.  

Fast forward about 5 months and I get into her Facebook because im paranoid as hell about her and my trust is all over the place.  I read her messages to see if she's been faithful to me, and she has, except for when I get to when shes on this stupid trip.  She messages her ex saying "I wish we were on speaking terms, I'm so bored you could come pick me up and we could have some fun."

When I saw that I flipped a shit and I texted her saying I wanted to break up.  She came over, was crying and saying she didnt remember any of that and that she never saw him that time.  I decided to stay because we say we love eachother and she means a lot to me. 

It's been about 2 or 3 months since then and it's been a rollercoaster of emotion for me, up and down up and down.  I always get myself in these paranoid fits and constantly check her facebook and email to look for ill-signs, and when she comes over I check her text messages when shes not around.

I hate living this relationship like this.  I feel like a creeper and that I dont know what to do.  I want to trust her and I really think I can because there have been no red flags since then, but its hard for me to take this wall down that I have been using to protect myself. 

What are your thoughts?

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<bot>: Been with my gf for almost 9 months now and I still have problems trusting her despite our happy relationship and our love for eachother