<human>: Can you provide a brief rundown of the text in within 3 sentences?

Because I had today off, I decided to spend part of it lounging out in the back yard while waiting for my girlfriend to get home. I set up my hammock, grabbed a book and some bug spray, and headed out. After being out for a bit the heat started to get to me so I came back inside to get a glass of iced tea.

I decided that because I was going to be the in hammock, a straw would be my best option. I quickly located my giant amusement park cup like this [one] This cup hadn't been used since last summer when I got the cup. But it had been washed and in the cupboard so it should have been fine...

I filled it with tea, walked back outside, got in the hammock, and took a BIG gulp.  Everything was fine.

Two, three more smaller gulps... do I have a hair on my tongue?

Four, five more sips...actually, it might be paper?

It's now that I start to realize that something is seriously wrong. I spit out the papery textured thing in to my hand and look at the filth before me. The straw, which must have still been wet when it got put in the cupboard had been growing globs of mold for 11 months. And I had just swallowed 80% of it in my giant gulps.  

My stomach immediately begins to churn and I can feel the vomit coming up. I run inside to the bathroom and expel what can only be described as chunks of black and green death. Even the worst stomach virus has never caused me to violently vomit as much as this has.

Even the idea of drinking tea gives me the urge to gag now.
<bot>: Drank from a straw that had 11 months of mold stored inside. Vomited like no one has ever vomited before.