<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

Obligatory this didn't actually happen today, this was a few years ago when I was in high school. 

So I attended a high school with about 1200 students and they would split lunch into four 300 student sections. I had decided I wanted to be super comfortable that day, so I opted to wear loose boxers, sweatpants, and a t-shirt to school that day. So about halfway through lunch I'm standing besides one of the tables near the center of the cafeteria talking to some friends when another one of my friends decides it would be funny to jump on me and latch on like a koala, his legs wrapped around my waist and his hands wrapped around my chest. Being a big guy and all I easily could still move and walk with him hanging onto me and he stayed like that for a couple of minutes. 

Finally I tell him I was done so he lets go....sort of. He releases his grip from around my chest but leaves his legs wrapped around my waist. He then proceeds to slid down, taking both my pants and underwear with him on his way. So there I was in the middle of the cafeteria standing there with my twig and berries hanging on full display for everyone to see with privacy now on the floor. The people at the table start to laugh causing the girl sitting at the table that I was standing behind (who I really didn't know, just kind of knew her name) to turn around and witness my glory right at eye level. Then as I bent to retrieve my dignity off the floor another girl, that was returning to the table from the microwaves, got an eyeful of my backside. 

Finally when I got my pants back on I looked around and surprisingly the whole cafeteria wasn't just looking at me, it seems like either people played it off super cool or somehow I managed to get half naked in a group of 300 people and managed for only a handful of people to notice. After that I just sort of laughed it off with the people that did see it at my table, because really want else was I going to do (plus it was mostly wrestling teammates anyways, those singlets don't leave much to the imagination anyways).
<bot>: Friend jumped on me, then fell off which lead to me being naked bellow the waist in a crowded cafeteria while simultaneously getting to first? base with 2 girls I didn't really know.