<human>: Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?

I was walking through my kitchen 10 minutes ago when I spotted a big black scary looking spider suspended over the oven. My first thought was to kill it because hey it was a fucking spider. Spiders bite people, I don't want to be bitten. But instead my mind traveled back to the biology class that I had spent months sitting through. The Vegan girl whose number I had just gotten and a web that my mom and I had stopped to watched on a hot summer day so many years before. Seized by what can only be described as uncharacteristic humanity I decided that the spider would live. I would put it in a cup and put a paper over the top of the cup then I would take the little guy outside. That's what the good guy would do.

So I hop into action manage to get the fucker into the cup. Paper is secured directly over it. He's trapped. But then the paper crinkles and it scurries up out over the rim moving faster than I would have thought possible. Freaking out I toss the cup and it lands directly on my bed. 

My drowsiness is now coupled with paranoia. Any unmoving spec too far to make out clearly is a spider and every hair that brushes my skin is out to get me. Wish I had killed the little fucker. No good deed goes unpunished.
<bot>: Thought with my mushy mellow heart instead of my head and tried to relocate a spider instead of killing it thus ensuring my slow, painful and inevitable death by spider bites