<human>: This actually happened a few months ago but that doesn't seem to really matter. 
After getting robbed for the 5th time I decided it was time to move out of state and start fresh and wanted to commemorate the enjoyable times I had in my home state with a tattoo. I told the artist I wanted the state outline with roots coming out of the bottom on my calf and told her to elaborate if she wanted to do so. I put down my deposit and waited until my appointment. 
This would be my first ink so I was pretty nervous about it. Fast forward to appointment day, I go in, on my birthday no less, and wait for the artist to finish up get current appt. While waiting I go ahead and pay for my ink. Also during this time I can't stop shaking and go out to smoke a cigarette. While smoking I find my bladder is about to explode and decide to pee into a bottle in my car. I ended up spraying everywhere and have to call the shop on my way home with some bull excuse. I get home, change pants, and go back to the parlor for my ink. 
I finally get seated and she shows me the sketch. It's the state outline with a tree inside of it, not what I really wanted but it's still pretty rad. As she starts shaving the back of my leg she nicks me 5 times, I'm not so good around blood so I start shaking a bit. I keep my shit together and she puts on the stencil which looked pretty cool. I'm still pretty queasy and another artist notices and stops the job until I come out of my slump.
I thought I was good to go and said let's get started and as soon as the needle starts going, before contact, I pass out. Not cool, not cool at all. I end up getting a new appointment set a few days later and leave after an hour of being that guy that can't handle himself in a tattoo shop full of people. Great birthday happening right? Anyway, I didn't even go back to the shop for the follow up because of embarrassment and lost over $350 because I was an idiot and paid up front and became the shops pussy of the year.

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: went for ink on bday, pissed on myself outside, went home changed, came back and passed out before needle contact. Fml