<human>: Can you succinctly summarize the text in 1-3 sentences?

Hi everyone - I was just wondering if anyone else who has had a history of eating disorders, who has lost weight successfully, could give me some direction. Or if you hadn't, and have some ideas, those are also welcome.

A bit if background:

I'm female, just approaching my 18th birthday. I grew up in a very negative household when it came to food. Food was considered the enemy, and so I never had a healthy relationship with it.
When I was 13, I was a highly competitive athlete, namely in alpine skiing. From 13-15, I struggled with anorexia and bulimia. This was caused by a combination of many factors, including an obsessive need for control. (I am obsessive compulsive.)
When I was 15, I started therapy and began to get my eating under control. As an athlete, this really helped, and although an injury took me out of competitive skiing, I became more and more involved in rugby and was eating an athlete's diet.
I started university a year early, and although I keep my fitness up by going to the gym, etc. I have no idea what a healthy diet looks like. I am not significantly overweight, but I am also well aware I am not performing at my full potential.
However, *I cannot count calories, and I cannot easily restrict myself.* These are both integral parts of weight loss, but when I start to cut myself off, I keep cutting until I am going back to my old habits. Eating disorders never go away, you just get better at controlling them.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I can safely get back to an ideal weight? More so, what does "healthy eating" even look like for you? I'm also a vegetarian, for a variety of reasons. I just don't know where to begin when I grew up in such a hostile environment towards food.
<bot>: I had eating disorders, now I want to lose weight, but I can't count calories and don't know how to approach food.