<human>: For the past 3 months I have been increasingly short tempered with my boyfriend. It has crumbled to the point where he was afraid to mention seeing his friends because of my jealousy. Some background; he drinks, a lot. 12-18 beers a night.. I have not seen him sober for more than a few hours a day in our entire relationship. He doesn't get abusive or change his character when he drinks but it has weighed heavy on me for sometime. Maybe it has a part to play with me feeling inadequate? We have been living together for a year and a half and all has been well until I started a new birth control... Everything spiraled out of control the past 3 months with me crying and shaming him over nothing. I don't know why I've taken all my emotions out on him. 

Two nights ago, I got violent. I hit him, again... and again. He thinks I was trying to kill him, when I was really trying to kill myself. And he has chosen to leave me, I've begged and pleaded with him to give me a chance, I have been waiting for an appointment with my psychologist for 2 months and he knows it. He always told me he wouldn't quit on me, wouldn't give up, wouldn't leave... But I guess he didn't mean it? 

I guess my question for you, r/relationships, is there any way of redemption or forgiveness after a domestic dispute? Any possibility that I can change and he will forgive me? I will never forgive myself...

Can you succinctly summarize the text in 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: ruined my chance at a great life and relationship by switching birth control (maybe the cause?), assaulting my  boyfriend, and trying to kill myself.