<human>: Today, while stopping off at the store to get my usual set of supplies to survive a day in the IT world, I noticed something next to the register that I hadn't seen for a good, long time: Big League Chew. When I was a kid, I would always beg my parents for it and they'd just never, ever acquiesce. Immediately, my 12-year-old self starts yelling at me.  

*HAY, GROWN UP ME!*  
Yes?  
*YOU WANTED THAT STUFF ALL THE TIME WHEN YOU WERE MY AGE.*  
"And?"   
*YOU SHOULD GET SOME.*  
"...I bet it tastes awesome."  
*EVEN BETTER THAN YOU COULD IMAGINE, I BET!*  
"I dunno, I can imagine quite a bit."  
*I LIKE STAR WARS, TOO!*  
  
 So I picked up a package, feeling smug at finally achieving one of my childhood goals by sheer force of adulthood privilege. I get to work, tear open the package with glee, and shove a bunch of the shredded goodness in my maw.  

My face, my responsible, grown up, bebearded face fell to the floor when I realized that my gummy holy grail was nothing more than shredded Dubble Bubble. The flavor lasted all of two seconds before it became a rubbery lump devoid of anything that could even vaguely resemble taste.  

*THIS STINKS.*  
"This sucks."  
*DON'T SWEAR.

Condense the text into a few key points
<bot>: Got Big League Chew to fulfill a childhood wish, would have been better off setting fire to a buck-fourty-nine and rubbing sugar on my teeth for a minute or so.