<human>: It all sharted when I went out the night before and decided to eat jalapeño poppers while drinking

Fast forward to the next day...

What seemed like a regular day ended worse up worse than ever. Basically my roommate took off work today to get his car checked out and I thought "Hey ill go along for the ride" we didn't think about much more than that. Anyway we get to the place and they tell us they have to hold the car for a few days to fix things which was something we did not plan for

We were stranded but we decided to start walking to his grandparents which turned out to be an hour and a half of a walk. It was awful but boy did it get worse. About 30 minutes into the walk I felt that familiar kick in my stomach and I quickly reflected on my past meals which came back to the jalapeños. By god I had a severe case of the shits and there wasn't a toilet for about another mile. 

For the length of that mile the pain of clenching and walking was unbearable. 

As soon as I saw the closest fast food place I couldn't hold it anymore. I had released my clench and shit in my pants. I ran into that KFC like I've never seen a toilet before. That pristine white beauty my salvation. I let go and I could feel it going all over the place. It was rough and it was ugly. It was amazing. I didn't get to enjoy it for long after. I shuffled for toilet paper to find that there was none. I knew my choices were to use the sink or go out with shit in my pants.

I tried to lock the door but the button got stuck and wouldn't fully lock (I thought it was locked because it got stuck in) and leaned against the sink splashing water onto my ass

Not soon after a KFC employee entered the bathroom to my surprise. Saw me with shitty pants around my ankles splashing water onto my ass.

Can you summarize the given text in a few sentences?
<bot>: Ate jalapeños, had to walk for an hour, got the shits, got walked in on while splashing water on my ass.