<human>: It's my 18th birthday today and the girl I've been involved with (she doesn't want to be 'labeled') is supposed to come over and spend the day with me.

Bad enough already that I don't trust her, (she has been unfaithful in the past) lately I'm not sure if she's the girl I want to spend my time with.

It's not that I don't love her. I've loved her since I became involved with her when I was 16.
It's just that along with our history of her not being committed and now not wanting to place a name on us, along with other factors I've brought attention to, I don't know what's best for me.

I'll only refer to our status in the past few weeks since it's too emotionally draining and detrimental for myself right now to discuss the past.

She didn't want to be my "girlfriend" because she felt claustrophobic, yet she always wants to see me whenever possible and I'm the one feeling claustrophobic a good amount of the time.

She makes fun of me a lot in a "joking" way but it doesn't make me feel good about myself and insecurity isn't a social acceptance with men yet in this day and age so I won't say anything about it.

Whenever I see her I feel some sort of affection for and from her but I'm just not sure if I can trust how she feels about me or if she's just fucking around (again) with my feelings/time.

Anyways, I just wanted to kinda talk about this and would greatly appreciate some input because I'm tired of being unsure and lately the only way I can cope with this subject is through heavy marijuana use and spending my nights before sleep hating myself and wishing I were a white/better man born into a better circumstance.

BTW: This is my first post on reddit after finding /r/offmychest and I'm really grateful for this community. Thank you all.

Can you succinctly summarize the text in 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: Asking for relationship input, currently eating froot loops with a guiness on the side. Happy birthday to me.