<human>: I had seasonal affective disorder that I left untreated for seven years. Now this year feels different. I feel less depressed but much much more anxious. This summer I was a lot more manic than any other year, and luckily some of that has continued. I'm in control when I'm manic though, and it's great. I get a lot more work done, I can survive on less sleep and feel fantastic.
But sometimes I feel great, and sometimes I feel really aggressive. Some days I wake up and don't want to be alive. I had a mood like this for 2-3 days in September or so and in November I had about a week (and it was a really stressful week for a ton of different reasons) where I had a total break. I didn't want to be alive at all.I was convinced that every one hated me. I'd never felt so low.  And the time surrounding that, I was having anxiety attacks every night. (Mostly only at night though?) I tried to stop taking xanax but couldn't. Sometimes I'm mildly anxious and can handle it on my own but sometimes I am just convinced I'm dying. 
Luckily that really bad period went away and I'm back to being happy but I always feel so unwell. I feel edgy and sick. I'm always anxious. I'm afraid I'm going crazy. I'm terrified I'll wake up one morning and feel so bad again. I'm afraid I can't control myself. I'm afraid if the world throws something bad at me that I won't be strong enough to get over it. I'm afraid of what is going to happen to me in the future.
I'm not sure if i'm bipolar, but I'm scared. I don't know what medication would do to me and I'm afraid of it. I like feeling hyper and happy. I don't want medication to ruin me.

Has anyone here experienced bipolar disorder? I don't know anyone I can talk to about this and I think it'd help if some could say if they relate or not and if so how everything went for them? Should I get treatment?

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: I think I might be bipolar but I'm not sure and I guess I'd like to talk to someone who might know what I'm going through?