<human>: I planted some grass seed last week and had to water it. I also bought a Pocket Hose, because although I am neither 5 nor 75 years old, I *am* a lady who does not enjoy lugging 50 pounds of garden hose around the fucking yard. Judge me. 

Anyway, I figured this would take all of 5 minutes and since the patch is close to the back door of my house, I didn't bother putting a bra on beneath my white t-shirt. You can all see where this is going, right? I attached the hose and tightly screwed my spray nozzle into place. The Pocket Hose has a lever on the end which opens the valve, which I had set to off. Precautions, man: I swear I took 'em all - except possibly the best one, which would have been not buying a hose with plastic connnections. 

I turned on the water, raised the hose, hit the lever... and the connector for the sprayer nozzle immediately rocketed off into space - BUT BEFORE IT DID, it had the comedic decency to blast a jet of freezing fucking water right across the front of my t-shirt.

Annnd at that minute, the next-door neighbor rounded the corner of his house and was met with an unobstructed view of my high beams. So that was fun.

Fuck you, Pocket Hose. Why are your connections even plastic.

Can you provide a brief overview of the text?
<bot>: wet t-shirt party in my yard, courtesy of a fucking hose I bought on television. How do you like dem nipples, Mister Neighbor?