<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

I'm bipolar and an ex drug addict(pot and pain pills). 

I have tried to explain to family and friends how sometimes it felt like my life was living itself. I would do things out of character(lie, cheat and steal) then I would have to figure out why I did the things I did. I didn't want to do those things, I just did. I take responsibility for them and have faced the consequences but I've never figured out why I felt that way.

It was like my life was a movie and I was watching it from behind my eyes but I had no control over what was happening. I was a leaf in the wind just being blown through life, never forging my own way, just letting life take me where it did.

I used to think I felt that way because of the drugs but once I stopped using I still felt that way. Then I thought it was my being bipolar that made me feel like two different people. Now I'm on meds for BP and am fairly stable and sometimes I still do things that aren't me. I still feel like I'm watching myself live my life and make mistakes that I shouldn't be making. I'm wrecklessly impulsive and sometimes have trouble controlling my actions.

Can anyone else explain to me how living their lives feel to them? Do you also feel like you are watching your life unfold or are you in the drivers seat, taking control? Is it a drug related thing with me or a mental health thing? Or does everyone just feel like that at some point in their life?
<bot>: Does my past drug use or my bipolar explain my leaf in the wind mentality? What does your life feel like to you, are you in control?