<human>: So me and my girlfriend occasionally ask each other sometimes funny, sometimes messed up either or questions. Just as an example, would you rather kill this person or jump off a cliff. 

Anyways, we're both out at dinner, just finished our meal when we decide to ask a few questions. A couple ones we always ask and then she hits me with this one: "would you rather have to eat a poo once a week, or have sex with a dog once a week"

Now I honestly thought that both answers are totally wrong, but I don't exactly want to get sick with dysentery in this hypothetical situation, but I do also think it's super wrong to have sex with an animal. 

I tend to pick the option that keeps me alive when we play this game, so I said that I'd pick the dog. My girlfriend gives me the biggest look of disgust and can't believe that I'd picked the dog over eating my own poo. To make things worse, as I tried to explain my answer to her, I loudly said, "I'm not eating my own s**t!" Right as the waitress comes to clear our plates. She didn't say anything but she definitely heard...

My girlfriend now thinks I should never get a dog and I just know she'll never let me live this one down.

Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell
<bot>: messed up hypotheticals have lead my girlfriend into thinking I would  have sex with a dog and a waitress knowing that "I'm not eating my own st!"