<human>: Can you succinctly summarize the text in 1-3 sentences?

I thought that being a 20 year old guy I had myself figured out; been through all those awkward teenager years. 

Last year I was a leadership trainer at a summer camp that I've been going to for 12 years; I've spent about 5% of my time on earth at that place. It made me grow up, make friends, and helped me through my parents divorce and family deaths. It seemed that every summer I went there, either as a camper or a staff member, going to that place  would help clear my thoughts and allow myself to grow by leaps and bounds. To put it mildly, its a special place for me that I truly love. I always knew I'd leave and move on from working at a summer camp in the summer and find a real job eventually, and 2013 was the year I decided on. 

It just hit me that I'm not going back, and it sucks. A lot. I'm a tough guy for just about everything, but not this. I've been holding back the tears and it probably wont hold for much longer. I don't know if I'm scared of doing something new, but I'm already missing that place immensely. I've taught kids to be mature and handle things well, but it I'm a wreck over this and I don't have many people to turn to, because its something I'm not sure people would understand. It sounds like such a silly thing, but it apparently means so much to me.
<bot>: 20 year old guy has to get a real job eventually instead of going to a camp that hes gone to since a little child, he isn't handling the reality of it sinking in.