<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

To preface this, I am a 29 year old, adult, man. So, today I woke up on the floor... In a guest bedroom... Of my girlfriend's parents' house, and have back pain. I recently started dating a girl; she's pretty great. I agreed to hang out with her and her friends last night, and planned to stay with her at her house (she still lives at home). Everything was going great, drinks were drank, jokes were told, and happiness was achieved. At the end of the night, we Ubered back to her house, shot the shit with her parents, and headed upstairs to proceed with coitus. As we approached her bedroom, she swiftly raised her dominant arm and pointed towards the guest room, which I soon found out doesn't have a bed. "Sleep tight".

This morning I found myself laying on the floor around 8am, when I decided to text her, "are you awake yet?". I no longer feel like an adult.
<bot>: I am sad because I had to sleep on the floor of my girlfriend's parents' guest bedroom last night and did not have the coitus.