<human>: This just happened a couple of hours ago. 

I was fixing myself up for a little day out with a few friends, and I went to comb my hair. I misplaced my comb somewhere, (I still don't know where it is) and my dad always has one or two in his bathroom. So I go over to my parents' bathroom and search for it on the granite of the sink, but no luck. 

This here's the FU; I open the first drawer of the sink/table thingy and what do I find my dear redditors? Lube. I find a small tube of durex numbing lube INSIDE MY DAD'S BATHROOM DRAWER. It gets worse...

At the time, I was thinking, "What the fuck? What the everliving fuck has my dad been doing?!?" I pick it up to read what it says, the moment I picked up the lube I knew I had reached maximum fuck-uppery. 

It was *slippery*. Not the freshly used type of slippery, but slippery nonetheless. Oh, and guess what? **It had hair on it.** You don't know true terror until you hold up your father's used lube tube, with his pubes all over the fucking thing. 

Now if you would excuse me, I need to boil my hands and cram a crowbar through my ear to erase that memory.

Can you condense the text into a few key points?
<bot>: I went looking for a comb in my parents' bathroom. Picked up a tube of lube and it was covered with pube hair.