<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

This kind of got started [here] and someone jokingly suggested doing a full thread about it. I've got nothing better to on easter (forever alone) so I figured, why the hell not, it's been kind of interesting, if totally pointless.

So to recap the original thread above, I tend to organize thus:

Front Right: Phone    
Front Left: Keys/Pens/Headphones    
Back Right: Empty/Wallet  
Back Left: Empty/Wallet   

(I switch back pockets because sitting on my wallet gets pretty uncomfortable.)

I do also have a few pairs of non-jean (?) pants with cargo pockets on the side, in which case I usually put my phone there and then split up my keys and pens.

So how do you organize your must-have items, Reddit?
<bot>: unintentionally helped spark a comment thread, figured I'd make it a thread proper because I have nothing else to do today.