<human>: I am afraid of the future, my last relationship was a disaster and it was almost 2 years ago (i think) i've been on a dry spell since then.

 i've hooked up(made out) with girls but i think i have low self esteem when it comes to hooking up, i need to be wasted not to be overly shy ,if not, im too nervous to try anything and that turns girls off. 
I used to have a big circle of friends but then I used drugs constantly for a while and had just a few people, then those people betrayed me (drugs+friends=fake friends) and I lost trust in everyone basically.
 I have a few player friends, who ive seen , get different girls almost every week and I feel like I can never have the confidence/flow they do. I guess I am insecure. I've hung out with girls that I want to fuck but I am not sexual enough to get to that point. I've become comfortable being lonely and I hate that (i enjoy it). its like im afraid of sex because its always been weird or awkward for me, or maybe that's just what i make myself think. ive had pretty bad performance anxiety in the last relationship but i also contributed that to heavy drug use. I've learned not to really care but its still in the back of my mind because time flies and I dont wanna get a lot older and be alone. In the past year I realized that close friends will stab you in the back if they can benefit from the situation, I also learned I was naive and too trusting of people.

I feel like writing this out will help on its own because I've sort of been ignoring the problem instead of facing it.

What and how do you recommend I improve myself? I've been hitting the gym for a while and my body is alright but that didn't really boost my confidence that much. My situation might sounds worse than it really is but the performance anxiety and low self esteem is my real issues. I feel like i never amounted to what i thought i would at my age (21-22)

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<bot>: Mandatory summary/question! Too many I's in original post. Too insecure + low self esteem how do I fix that? Its like Im afraid of sex, that is why i don't seek it.