<human>: Ive been in major denial the last few months.  I am normally a very health conscious (to the point of a severe eating disorder ~5 years ago) person, maintaining a completely normal weight, exercising regularly, etc. It is so hard for me to post here and admit I have lost control.  But I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. I need help.

However, four months ago I acknowledged my problem with alcohol.  I went to treatment, got about 88 days sober, and relapsed.  Since then, it has been a constant battle of anywhere from a few days to a few weeks of sobriety then relapsing again.  Anyway...when I get sober I eat.  A LOT. I am not tracking my food so I cannot say for sure, but I have gained about 20lbs in 2 months.  At first, everyone said it was okay.  I didn't eat when I drank, so my body needed the nutrition.  I could understand that.  Or, "eat sweets to help curb cravings." Cool deal.  However, I am now incredibly depressed, lethargic, and my self esteem is shot.  I am now back to the weight I was before I developed anorexia and bulimia, and I'm terrified.

I'm to the point where I can't make it through a whole day without binging no matter how good my intentions are.  I have no idea what a balanced meal looks like anymore.  I feel like I've tried everything.  Any ideas?

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<bot>: I have an addiction problem, went from starving/binge purge to alcohol and now I am binging.  Help.