<human>: So this actually happened in December, but it just occurred to me that it makes a pretty good TIFU.

I play roller derby, and on Dec 1st I was skating in my very first bout. It's our first bout of the season, so everyone's nervous and excited. Since I'm a rookie, all of the vet skaters start telling me their bout-prep rituals, like painting their fingernails white (to prevent injury? LOL) and drinking Jack3d, a crazy sports drink from GNC. I turned down the nail polish but accepted the Jack3d. Here lies my folly.

So we skate through the first half and things are going well. My team's leading substantially, but they have this one jammer (the chick who scores the points by passing skaters on our team) who keeps breaking through our defense. A few minutes into the second half, I go in as a blocker. I see that jammer coming up on the outside, and my captain yells to me "go get that bitch!" or something like that.

Here's the problem. When you drink Jack3d, you generally feel like you're Superman. You have ALL THE ENERGY, ALL THE POWER, ALL THE RAWR. 

I threw the entire force of my 170 lb body into that jammer using my shoulder. I hit her so hard that I broke my own collar bone.

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: I drank Jack3d before playing roller derby and it made me feel so invincible that I ended up in the ER.