<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

So. This is my first post, but I feel that my fuck up should be announced to the Internet. I love skiing, and on the day of my fuck up, I was somewhat hungry after a day at the terrain park. Anyway, after getting changed, I'm feeling slightly peckish, and I make my way to a cafe that was near the resort where I was skiing. I don't have much money, but i have just enough for either a small tea, or, you guessed it, a cookie. I don't feel like a cup of Earl Gray, so i say fuck it, I'll take the cookie. As  I began eating it, I noticed it had rock hard bits in it, and the bits tasted like SHIT. My idiot conscience made the choice to finish the cookie, and wash it down with melted snow(don't judge me, I was thirsty). Fast forward to midnight, when I wake up with the most ungodly of feelings in my stomach. Fearing that the Shitwater express will make its last stop in my pants and on the floor, I bolt to the bathroom. After reaching the toilet, my digestive system gives me a big FUCK EVERYTHING YOU LOVE by sending at least 500 ml worth of vomit at high speed onto the floor, and coincidentally, my pants. Fuck.
<bot>: Ate a cookie, nine hours later my stomach tricks me into thinking I will shit myself and I vomit on myself.