<human>: Condense the text into a few key points

[Link to original TIFU](

We meet again, reddit. 

For those of you who read my story, here's a few unanswered questions. YES, I did tell my cousin. He's a real jerky guy, and thought himself very famous after hearing about it. Didn't really remember ever telling me. No surprises there. And yes, it did get out at work. No, I haven't lived it down.

Yesterday, I met a hiring manager for an interview at a Starbucks in a Target by where I live. Thought I'd have a good pre-interview shit, so I showed up 15 minutes early. I performed my ritual of leaving approximately 8-10 squares for the next chap to straighten up his poop-chopper. Being that I couldn't secure the handicrapper, I left it on the coat hanger. (I'm not going to quit, it's been 15 years)

I finish up and walk out of the stall. Taller, dark-haired kid in a captain America t-shirt walks right by me and into my stall. Felt bad that he had to deal with my ass-warmth. 

See the kid making eyes at me in the Starbucks line about 5 minutes later, after I've sat down with the suit interviewing me. This motherfucker comes over and says "Hey man, are you the courtesy paper guy? I noticed you did it in there?" Guy interviewing me asks him what he's talking about. Kid explains in glorious detail what it was, and asks me to sign a damned napkin. Told him I had no idea what he was talking about, didn't sign the napkin.
<bot>: Courtesy paper ruined my first job, now potential second job ruined by a shitty redditing teenager. I'm glad I didn't sign your napkin, and yes it really was me.