<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

This actually happened a few weeks ago, but here's some context: I'm an amateur fighter, and train at the same Jiu Jitsu gym as one of my female coworkers. Everyone rolls with everyone at our gym, and one day, when she tried to armlock me, I escaped by laying my full bodyweight on her so she couldn't move. Right about then she said "Get off me fatty", I responded with "I'm sensitive about my weight, you heartless bitch", and we've playfully talked shit to each other ever since. 

One day at work, I was telling her I was going to whip her ass and she "didn't want these hands" when our GM overheard me. He didn't realize I was joking, and I didn't realize that he didn't realize I was joking. He told me that "we don't condone that kind of behavior here", and my dumb ass responds with "You can not condone it all you want, but this is going to happen." Oops. Judging by the look on his face, I may have well just pulled my pants down and asked him to polish off my trouser snake. Thankfully my coworker busted out laughing and he realized we were joking, but I still got written up for (and I swear it says this on the paperwork) "being a jackass while on the clock."
<bot>: Jokingly threatened a female coworker and then talked shit to my manager when he didn't catch on to the sarcasm.