<human>: I've never been in a relationship and have no idea how to be. Nobody was ever interested in me as a teenager since I was always fat; I've since lost loads of weight though and apparently become pretty attractive. The thing is, I'd always assumed that once I'd gotten in shape the whole 'getting girls' thing would sort itself out, but that hasn't really happened.

For all the other guys it seems like one minute they're just talking to or friends with a girl and then suddenly BAM, she's his girlfriend. It seems to just sort of... happen, somehow. It's as if there's some special magic combination of words you're supposed to say to get them to like you, only nobody's ever told me what they are.

Even if I did get lucky and stumble into a relationship, I wouldn't really know what to do. What would be expected of me, exactly? Is it just like being close friends, only with the physical aspect added? If so, what's the difference between that and a friends-with-benefits situation? I feel a bit like The Joker - "I'm a dog chasing cars; I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it!". Everyone else seems to know what they're doing, they have plans. I have no plans, I just do things.

Give me a shortened version of the text
<bot>: I don't know how to get a girlfriend, or even how relationships really work. Can anyone explain things to me?