<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

Throwaway since she sometimes hops on reddit under my name, so lets try and keep it on the DL.

**Story** Girlfriend of 9 years and soon to be wife is in her first year of law school and is having a tough time. She has confided that she sometimes has fantasies of leaving, but since she's done that for the last two careers, she feels like she needs to stick this one out.

**The Problem** She is freaking out about not securing an internship for the summer like a couple of her friends have. I advised her to seek help from career services at her school, but she's putting that off for some reason. It is making her depressed and today she skipped school to watch foreign movies. This is all nice and pretty and I might sound like a concerned, great guy but I have ulterior motives.

**Ulterior Motive** I want booty. I want her magnificent, beautiful and destructive booty (she sits on and breaks things). As most guys (should) know, when a lady is depressed that booty is on lockdown. Well, that's the case for her. This law school lockdown of the booty has gone on far too long and I wish to break it's vice-like hold.

**Where I Need Advice** Is there some sort of law directory for internships I can direct her towards? She said, "Contracts are a lot of fun." and I've no earthly idea what this means or what kind of internship would cater to this. I suggested weeks ago to ask reddit for advice, but methinks she's a little too proud. We live in the Philadelphia area and she has stated she would move for the summer internship, which is not good for my booty situation.
<bot>: I'm a typical man who wants the booty but girlfriend is depressed about summer law-related internships. By helping the GF, I help myself with more booty. Ladies please don't hate.