<human>: I left her, which I consider a mistake.  I tried everything I knew how, communication exercises, counselors and therapists, family and friends. In the end I left for fear of damaging that which I hold so close, and she despises my very existence because of it. I misread the situation and what effect I was having on it and pushed her away to protect myself. I asked for time and received a lifetime. I cannot forgive myself or move on. NO I did not cheat or anything crazy... 

We talk from time to time. I (don't judge me) only text when I'm drunk so I don't exactly get the best responses (because of timing not content), but it's the only time I am at my most honest and open level, the only time I can let my guard down enough to try and reach out.  I know there is still something there between us but there is a mountain of egos and emotions and hurt feelings, pissed off family and ridiculous friends in the way.

Now, a lot of people ask me why I don't date, why I don't have a girlfriend, why I don't go out with so-and-so who is sooo interested. For me I feel like I had my chance and my connection, however out of service the signal might be now, I'm still connected at my very core. I don't see myself dating again or being in a serious relationship. I'm happy with where I am and the steps I am taking to better myself but I seriously cannot see myself with anyone else.

Am I being asinine? Do I have some ridiculous pie in the sky idea stuck in my head? Am I hopelessly in love or is there a bigger connection that I still need to hold on to?

 I will provide more context if necessary but I feel like this, overall, might be a 'universal' question...

Can you provide a brief overview of the text?
<bot>: It's been 4 years and I can't let go even though I am the one that left. She, for the most part, wants nothing to do with me.