<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

So, I'm in an interesting predicament and need some advice on getting a car loan.  I'm a fairy recent college grad, and have been at my first "big-kid" job for a little over a year. A couple of weeks ago my car was stolen and stripped, so I'm now in need of a replacement.  My old car was almost 20 years old, so I only got a couple of grand from insurance and would like to spend ~$10K on a newer replacement.  I have enough in savings to buy the new car with cash, but since I have zero credit and that would dip into my emergency fund a bit, this seemed like a great opportunity to build my score.  I was planning to take out a one year, $5K loan.  I'm a member of a credit union through the university I work at, and so submitted an application.  My parents graciously agreed to cosign for me, so I assumed this shouldn't be a big deal.  Unfortunately, my parents live out of state, so when my application got processed this morning I got a call saying that my parents had to be physically present to sign the loan documentation.  I'm in a bit of a bind as my parents live across the country and according to the loan officer I spoke with, these documents can't be shipped or faxed.  Is this normal?  I was very surprised and a little irritated that in 2014 I can't a get freaking signature across state lines.  Furthermore, I was informed that the car I purchase has to be less than eight years old, and have less than 96K miles.  I'm a loyal Honda fan, and the models I've been considering are in the 04-05 range, which it seems would disqualify me right from the get-go.  Again, is this normal?  Is there any way to get a reasonable APR loan on a used car that's 10 year old?
<bot>: can't get a car loan because my cosigner is out of state and the car I want is > 8 years old.  What do?