<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

So my boyfriend and I have been together 2 years, and we both come from pretty messy pasts relationship-wise. Neither of us has ever been in a safe, healthy relationship where it was okay to express negative feelings before this one, and we've both been through some pretty heavy emotional abuse where we've been made to feel like we always have to be the strong one.

Fast forward to now, we've been having a lot of trouble. When things are good, they're absolutely great! We are so in love and happy to be together and have no trouble imagining that we could be together forever.

But when things are bad, they go downhill **fast.** We can't seem to argue or be upset without it turning into a huge blow-up. We both rationally know that we want to get better at being upset and not taking it out on each other, but we can't figure out how. We want to be able to disagree or express hurt or upset feelings without the other person getting defensive and starting a fight, but we have no idea what to do so that doesn't happen.

I am so absolutely in love with this man, and I want this to work out more than anything, but I know that each fight takes a little bit more out of us. Please help us learn how to argue without defending, attacking, and generally digging ourselves into a deep hole!!
<bot>: Dating for two years, things are great until we fight and then everything is awful. Need to learn how to disagree without it becoming an all-out war.