<human>: Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?

The events of the past few hour probably won't even come close to your stories, Reddit, but at least it got me curious.

I am a lifelong Seinfeld fan, and was indoctrinated into the hilarity of misunderstandings that get blown way out of proportion as a product of perfect circumstances.

For those that are curious, I was ranting away in another post while taking a much needed dump in my dorm's restroom, which connects my  suite to another (shared bathroom with doors on each end). Like George, I enjoy shitting without the burden of clothing (nothing wrong with that, right? I hope?) 

All of a sudden, like a dick, my suite mate bursts in. Later, I would find out that he mistook my keystrokes     I must be somewhat understanding of his reaction, though, as this is what he saw: a completely nude, male college student aggressively focused on the computer sitting on his lap. So, it's fair he assumed I was fapping.

With a bizarre yelp, the guy runs out, repeatedly screaming "What the fuck?!", informing everybody along the way that he caught me jerking it on our shared toilet (gross, but it happens I guess). 

After a few seconds of stunned paralyzing, I wiped up  and jumped out of my seat proclaiming "It's not what it looks like! It wasn't a faaaaaappp!" in my best Seinfeld voice, and sprinted out after him to explain. Despite the embarrassment, I felt that I did the show proud in that moment.

Because I was so intent on trying to turn my misfortune into a shitty Seinfeld episode, I completely forgot I was bare ass naked until I made it half way down the hall, the exact location of my co-ed dorms's packed lobby. I gave it an immediate FML, and sulked back with a trash lid over my junk.

The only thing that would have made this better, IMHO, is if I had just returned from the pool and could have incorporated shrinkage into my misfortune.
<bot>: Lame story about misunderstood 'fapping' that resulted in me being nude in front of my whole floor. I blame Seinfeld.