<human>: Well here I am trying to find out what to do. I do not really know how to deal with this all that well as it has been haunting me for many years. I am a 27M that has been dealing with pretty bad depression stemming from years of living a rather rough life. I did not have this issue until after a few years of leaving the military. I depoyed to Iraq and then for 2 years was a contractor in Afghanistan. When I got back I really did not adjust well relationship wise. Living most of my adult life drinking and not really worrying about tomorrow has translated terribly into civilian life. I always treated every day as my last and partied really hard to avoid having to face the reality that this lifestyle will end one day.

Now that I am living a "normal" life I feel like I do not have the skills to maintain a relationship. Everytime something gets serious I always freak out. Like life is going to take this dull pace from there on out. That is when the self implosion happens. I start drinking and really fuck things up. Pulling back is my go to. I almost try and dissapear, drinking and having terrible dreams. I have dated quite a few women, I am a fairly attractive and personable guy. I think that many of the girls I meet see me as a project to fix. they always say at the end I could have been something great. I could be a grat man and develop a loving relationship, just need to figure out how to change my reaction to the situation. Any ideas on how to overcome myself?

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<bot>: Really adverse to getting in relationship. Breaking up as soon as it gets serious due to depression. getting wasted a lot to end things. Need help to find a way to get out of this cycle