<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

Ill start,

So I couldnt eat. I have many, but small disorders that are re-occuring, usually fear or confusion. Anyways, I hadnt eaten in about a week and I was really hungry but I was almost scared to eat.

So my neighbour, she is unbelievably pretty, you would think shes all duck facey and whoretastic, but no. She only hangs around me. So she has a literal POUND of weed and I NEVER do it unless im with her, so we do as we do and go through about half of it. 

I end up being a hungry little hippo and I eat all I can in my house. We go to hers and I eat more.

After a couple games of SSBB I stand up and I swear my ass was suddenly washed with draino. I said ill be back and I sprinted to my house and locked myself in the bathroom. I proceeded to shit. Not liquid or anything, it was the smooth shit that usually youre proud of.

However, It didnt stop. It broke from the strand once and a while, but it pretty much filled up the bowl. So my friend is back and she opens the door, not sure how. So she sees it and instantly goes red, cries and starts laughing. By now we were affected by the stuff badly and we were stupid as shit (get it) so she says "We gotta get that outta there, itll jam" so we proceed to get little toy shovels and shovel it into a bucket. 

I flushed the rest. We then got the bucket and went to the no dogs park and poured it all at the base of the no dogs sign.

We went home and laughed for a good hour.

Note: Sorry for talking about drugs, I know some are uncomfortable about it, as am I. I just am really close with this friend.

Note 2: I PROMISE. This shit was legit.
<bot>: Didnt eat for a while, got high, ate a ton of food. Shat the smoothest, biggest line of shit and put it in a no dogs park.