<human>: Summarize the given text in a few sentences.

A bit of backstory before the main event:

Yesterday I was feeling particularity lazy (because Saturday), so I decided to lay in bed and play Witcher 3/watch archer season 6 (ladies :) ). Glamour lifestyle, I know. I had a rumbling in my gut that only a burrito could satisfy. So I lugged my ass over to mucho burrito (Canadian chipotle), and filled a glorious 12" burrito to the tits with all the spicy, fart generating, gastro pain causing garbage I could. I downed that bastard with a side of hot salsa and a cheap Mexican soda. Later on in that day hunger once again struck, and this time I decided I would gorge myself on shawarma. I visited the shawarma place down the street, got a big ass chicken and beef pita with all sorts of spicy shit on it, and some mystery salad because healthy. 

I slept well that night. Too well. 

Forward to today, I was once again feeling lazy, and decided I would spend my day in bed once again. I kept having those long hilarious but completely odourless farts for the better half of the day. I'll be honest, I would forcibly blast one out, and then laugh at it like some kind of boob. After maybe 30 of these, my stomach threw up a bit of a red flag with one colossal stanky ass fart that had obviously shook hands with the devil. My brain knew turds were brewing in there, but it decided it would be safe to wait. 

About 40 minutes after that foul fart I felt another wave of those tiny bastards coming on... So I spread my legs, and squeezed as hard as I could, because I thought it would be funny. That's when it happened. I shot a pure brown laser of spicy liquid shit out. It quickly covered my comforter (which is now in the dumpster), and was so spicy that it actually stung any skin it contacted. There must have been a half gallon of the shit. 

I am writing this whilst sitting on the shitter, almost constantly leaking spicy brown slime from my ass. It's so pungent the air in the bathroom is burning my eyes.
<bot>: be lazy, eat a bunch of spicy food, trust a fart, projectile shit myself, still shitting to this moment.