<human>: My parents divorced around 9 years ago. After that my family went through that seemingly typical struggle of who gets what, who has custody of the kids (my brother, I'll call B, and I), why I should hate the other parent more and all that shit. I grew to hate my father for many reasons but especially because he had an affair with some woman (I'll refer to her as SM), during his ten year marriage with mum. He then married SM and had children (boy, Z and girl, E) with her.

I was the happiest big sister, even if Z and E were only my half-siblings. During the time that I had to go to dad's house I was always looking after Z and E; changing diapers, bottle feeding, etc. In my heart I was their mum, I would do anything for them (no matter how much SM would yell at me to stop picking them up after she had screamed at them, stuff like that). I didn't want to go to dad's house but I did for B, Z and E. They made it worthwhile.

When B finally reached the age when the family court valued his opinion, he decided he didn't want to go to dad's anymore. This meant that we didn't have to see dad or SM ever again, which was absolutely fantastic. The one thing that has always killed me though, is that I had to stop seeing Z and E too. 

It's been three years since I last saw them, I only have their names, memories and 9 photos to remember them by. I miss them like hell. I wish I had the power to change the circumstances and see them again, but I don't. People keep telling me to just wait until they're older but what if something happens to them? What if dad turns into the abusive monster I have seen him be and I never see them again? They are like my own children, I have to see them again... I need to.

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<bot>: I looked after my half-siblings (same father as me but different mother) since birth like they were my own children but when I stopped seeing dad I couldn't see them anymore either, and it kills me everyday.