<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

First off, it was an older relatives house which I did not know very well. I was relaxing browsing reddit on my phone, all done, wipe, and flush. The toilet apparently could not handle the amount of paper on it due to it being from the civil war era. Water starts to spew out like a motherfucking volcano and thankfully no nasty shit is coming out of it, just water. I head to try and close that knob to the waterline on the toilet but hence it was an antique from the chinese empire it was rusted open which not even Superman and Hulks offspring could close. At this point I really start to freak the fuck out and started throwing towels by the door so the water wouldn't go trough. Then I heard this scream from downstairs that will haunt me for the rest of my life "WTF There is water coming out the lights!". Turns out the house is so old that the wooden floor between the roof of the first floor and the bottom of the second was a hole and water started to go down the godforsaken rusted knob into the kitchen roof. At this point I call my Grandpa for help and let him take over. He freaked out but then he started laughing about it once he stopped the water, As I headed towards the kitchen I see about 20 towels on the floor with a gigantic coleman cooler collecting the water dripping out the light fixture. At that point everybody started yapping at me asking me what happened and blah "Oh there is shit!" blah blah "The roof is about to fall!" blah "BUT ITS NEW!" BLAH BLAH. I sat down, pulled my phone out and took pictures.
<bot>: Clogged up toilet. Toilet water all over. Freak the fuck out. Water leaks downstairs. Ruins roof. Some of my shit falls through a light fixture.I take phone and snap pics.