<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

I don't know what's going on in my head.

Here's the story.  I had an affair that ended around a year ago.  The affair itself lasted about 2 years, and it ended very badly.  Short version: she told my wife.  I have three children (all young) and basically dropped all contact with the affair woman at that time. My wife and I moved, entered counseling, and tried to rebuild our marriage.  For the past year, it's been all about me and her - incredibly difficult, a lot of tears, but that has been the focus.

For the past week, I find I can't stop thinking about the other woman.  I feel like I'll never be happy with my wife, and that I gave up on the one person who really loved me.  I know, it sounds crazy, she tried to break up my family, how could I possibly go back to her?  And I don't even know if I COULD go back to her - as I said, we haven't spoken in a year.  I love my children, and don't want to break up my family - but now I worry about raising them in a loveless household.

My wife has said in the past that if I contact the affair woman again she'll leave me.  And I have made a promise, both to her, and myself, never to lie about anything again.  But obviously, if I tell her how I'm feeling it could end my marriage.

I really don't know what to do.  More counseling I guess?  What do I say?  How can I move on? 

Very lost, guys, help me out. I don't want to hurt anyone.
<bot>: Affair ended a year ago, I was doing OK.  All of a sudden I worry I made the wrong decision.