<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

This didn't happen today, actually happened a couple days ago. Anyways, we were having a family reunion dinner at my cousins place. It was just a casual dinner and there wasn't a really big reason for it. However, the food was still expensive looking. There was stuff like lobster and venison, which is pretty hard to get here in New Zealand. Anyways, i was sitting on the long side of the table, facing the roast venison with my aunty sitting on the other side. I was trying to stay sober because i had some errands to do the next morning, so i decided to get myself a glass of pineapple juice while everybody else was getting drunk as fuck! 

Now this is where the fuck up happens. Everybody starts telling their drunk stories. It was my brothers turn to tell a story and the story he told cracked me up a little too hard. As he got to the funny part of the story, i was taking a massive gulp of my pineapple juice. I tried not to make the pineapple juice come out my nose so i decided to swallow it while i was laughing my ass off. That resulted in me choking and threw up a tsunami! It was like a car driving over a fire hydrant in GTA! Everything i had for dinner that night had sprayed across the table, all over the food and right into my aunty's face! My whole family just turned and looked and me and laughed! But my aunty wasn't impressed.. 

I now have a new nickname: WATERBLASTER.
<bot>: My brother tells a hilarious story at the dinner table that made me choke on pineapple juice and throw up on the food and my aunty. Now my family calls me waterblaster.