<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

For starters, my kid always sleeps in her crib. She never has naps in my arms or lying around the house. We're good to routine. 

Today tho im the one tired. Up til 2 am had me looking for somewhere to sleep. I lie down on my side on the couch in TV room. Let her sit in front of my belly to watch TV. Eventually i fell asleep. 

I guess im used to sleeping with personal space. Later while sleeping I felt a movement on my chest and freaked. Before i could see properly, my hands launched my kid off the couch on to the floor. Then before i even realize what I did, I have my darling wife screaming and beating me with a bag. 

Kid was ok. Confused more than upset.
<bot>: fell asleep on couch with my 2 year old. Woke up reacting to movement. Went WTF and threw kid.