<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

I don't know if I can submit this to this subreddit, but you've helped me before so I will try. 

I lost my mother in 2013. I always had a bit of trouble grieving because I have trouble expressing my emotions openly to family, my SO, etc. But I sought help and everything was going well. Then I left the country for a year. When I came back last week I knew that the first thing I needed to do was go to the cemetery to see my mother. But I kept putting it off, day after day after day. For some reason it was just so hard to do it. I've had this feeling before when I returned to my hometown. I finally did go to the cemetery but I was only there about 10 minutes. I feel like this behaviour is so disrespectful to my mother. Why can't I just get myself to go to the cemetery like a normal person and poor my heart out? I sometimes wonder if after 3 years my grief has begun to disappear? I don't know if that's normal or not. It feels so wrong. I love my mother and miss her every day. I feel like I'm a disrespectful son.
<bot>: Mother passed away but having trouble going to the cemetery to visit, and feeling like that is incredibly disrespectful of me and struggling to cope with it.