<human>: Edit: I posted this on /r/BPD and figured to give it a try on here.

My boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship. We are two peas in a pod, I am his first for many things and I know for a fact he is in love with me and everyone sees that. I love him too and I can see him being the person I marry.

The problem here is that I have depression and along with that I have BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) I have not yet been properly diagnosed but I know I have it. My mother also has it along with other mental illnesses but most of all my life has been a hell hole which I believe made my BPD worse. I was also always lied to and cheated on in my past relationships.

Anyways, I can't stop invading my boyfriend's privacy when he leaves for work. Whenever I see his phone or his computer I get a sick nasty feeling that can literally make me shake. I always have to hop onto it and look at all his messages etc. I never ever find anything wrong and then I feel like shit. I know this is 100% wrong, invasive and I am honest with him and tell him what I have done. He is okay cause he says he has nothing to hide and doesn't care but I want to stop feeling this way. I feel crazy. I want to quit thinking so negatively about everything. 

I have tried reaching out to my new worker by telling her I think I need therapy (I know when I need therapy because it has been apart of my life since I was in elementary) but she shuts me down and says BPD is a "grey area" and the way I act is "just life". She literally pulled open wikipedia on BPD in the car, skimmed it and told me that. I need some advice on what to do right now in this situation. I am so lost.

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: My boyfriend of 1 year is absolutely amazing but I feel as if my BPD is out of control with trust issues and I don't know what to do.