<human>: So this didn't happen today but last night (I was in no state to type when I got back). I went to a christmas party with a few friends. I had a blast. Lots of people, and a nice venue. I live in Japan, and here all you can drink is pretty common. So naturally, I order beer after whiskey after wine, and get pleasantly tipsy (read: rather shitfaced). 

Party is coming to a close and we all head out, I'm trying to gather others to go to a club, but to no avail. I head to a bar I know, sit down, and then it hits me all at once. Fuck. Home time.

So I catch the train back to the town where I live completely hammered and manage to get myself on my bicycle. Things are going well, I've not hit/been hit by anything - the best I can hope for in this situation. 

Leading up to my apartment is a narrow path (so narrow you pretty much have to walk single file), and to the left is a small stream, to the right is a rice field. You can see where this is going.

In my head I'm thinking "hah, I can do this, just like 10 more metres", when my phone rings in my pocket. Brain decides it's a good idea to reach into my pocket to try and answer while cycling down the drunk man's gauntlet to my house. Next thing I know I'm flying head first into a rice field, and my entire right side is covered in freezing cold mud and water. I laid there for a few seconds feeling defeated, staring at the balcony of my apartment thinking "why brain, why the fuck could you not wait 3 more seconds".

To make things worse, I was wearing my only winter coat, which is now covered in a brown mess. I have to go to work tomorrow, and it's below zero. Fuck.

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: When your brain tells you you can multitask while intoxicated, don't listen. You'll end up being an involuntary rice farmer.