<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

Ok so this TIFU happened about half an hour ago. Excuse me, I'm on my phone for this one so bare with me.
I currently attend a large college university as a freshman. So right now I have the luxurious dorm room living. Things get rowdy on weekends. Its the weekend.
So after a typical night at the bars, my roommate and friend from high school go back to play some NHL on the Xbox. I won 5-2 obviously. At this point I start booty calling and left to her room with no pants. This would come to back to haunt me. 
Long story short, things happened Tommy Boy was playing, and a shower. At this point it's 6am and we decide to call it a night.
Next day I wake up late around 1:45 so I rush out. With no pants and a grey 1/4 sip sweater which I got from Macy's for $13. I really recommend it. So I walk down 2 flights of stairs in the stair well. My shining bare white ass thighs are glaring with all their glory. Its a typical weekend. So I get to my floor and some one walks out. That's fine, I don't know her and I'm not super self concious. Another one walks out. Fuck. There's a tour. Why is there a tour, at this point my face is beat fucking red and dad's and mom's are giving me the look of a sinner. Who wants their kids to live in this kind of dorm. They could all smell the alcohol still in my breathe. Oh and there were some good looking gals walking through. Afterwards, my RA walks around the corner. He's a large black man and if I ever saw a oh fuck face, that was it. He bolted down the hall, I slip out to my room and I hear him apologizing as I am shutting the door. It was a typical weekend and I fucked their tour experience up...
<bot>: whatever it's called I left on a booty call pantsless, came back to families touring the campus enjoying the view of my sexy thighs.