<human>: For maybe the past year I've just trusted the alarm clock on my phone to wake me up for work and other things and it's worked just fine, most problems came from me being slow or sleeping through the alarm.

Well I just got a new job and as luck would have it the schedule meshes perfectly with my old job so I can keep both, and being young but not in school having a dual income is a fantastic opportunity.

So here's the issue, the first day of work after I told my boss at my old job about new job, I work 9 to 6, so like any good teenager with video games in their room I go to bed at the healthy hour of dawn. I set my alarm, turn out the light, and start doing my thing.

To my surprise I get almost a full 8 hours! Because instead of waking up at 8, I woke up at fucking 11:50. I scramble to get clothes on because fuck showers when you're late, but then realize I checked the time on my clock, and my phone isn't screaming at me. The fucker turned itself off.

Sprinkles on the shit cake, got a text from my boss, who mind you never works weekends EVER, saying "I'm working for you today, please don't come in."

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: offered my phone [the ol' lickaroo] whilst asleep, shit turned off fast as you'd expect. Might lose chance for dual income.