<human>: Technically this happened yesterday if minutes are important to you and you're pedantic. Having been at the pub, which is just a minute walk from my flat, and drinking seven or eight pints, I was half pissed, not quite shit-faced, but had had enough to know I'd had a drink. Before leaving I had bought a pack of chilli peanuts for the road, but after having a few on my walk home, realised that they were the most wretched and vile bar snack ever created, so I kept them in hand to dispose of them in the wheelie bin outside my flat. Holding the pack in my left hand, I reached into my coat pocket with my right hand and pulled out my keys. You can see where this is going, cant you? 

I reached the bin at the end of the driveway to my flat, lifted the lid and rather than placing what I thought was the nuts in there, I sort of threw them in, slam-dunk style, for some reason. Closed the lid, feeling like a champ, and then realised I had fucked up; I was still holding the nuts and my keys were gone, wrong fucking hand you imbecile. Surely they'll just be sitting at the top of rubbish, I thought. Wrong. Couldn't find them. So I had to tip the bin on it's side, let everything fall out, and wade through the whole shebang like a dog in amongst chips. The stuff that was in there...fuck me it was nasty. Nothing like having freezing cold and mouldy baked beans and other shit all over your fingers. Finally after ten minutes or so I found them, caked in god knows what and smelling like a junkie's carpet. Just had the longest shower of my life and still I feel violated. 

Thank fuck I stay in a pretty isolated dead end area and nobody saw me raiding the bin.

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: Got half drunk, threw keys in the bin, had to fish them out and now I think I will never eat baked beans again in my life.