<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

It was actually last week but oh well. I posted this elsewhere and realized it fit here.

Backtrack to about 2 months ago: I have a bad sunburn on my back that keeps irritating me. My SO's mother recommends I try putting aloe vera gel on it. I lay that shit on thick and rub it in good. Next thing I know my back is on fire. I mean fucking itching, scorching, burning on fire. I shower off for about an hour and put some numbing shit on it, take a bunch of benedryl and go to sleep. Turns out I'm allergic to aloe vera.
Fast forward to last week. I had chipotle two days in a row. The shits I'm taking are hot and stingy like no other. I'm talking full on mud slide half hour shits about 4 or 5 times a day. Well, on day three of my chipotle shit festival my asshole was so fucking sore and itchy. It burned like hell and I couldn't stand to walk around with it anymore. I was at my SO's house at this point and remembered that they had this soothing soap they used in their shower. I thought, hey why not, I'm gonna have to shower this asshole off anyway.
I hop in and get to it. Got the soap and started applying it to my lava asshole. Immediately I feel some real bad stinging pain. Fuck. The soap had aloe vera in it. My dumbass didn't think about it with the amount of fire coming out my ass. It burned deep in my asshole. I bent over and spread my cheeks towards the shower water in hopes that it might feel better. It didn't help much. I ended up using that numbing shit that I used on my back before to calm my ass down.
With a numb asshole, I took a few benedryl and checked out the damage before going to sleep. There were a bunch of red bumps in my ass and it still stung pretty bad. I had bloody shits for a couple days after. It seems to be fine now, but dear god was that a sting I never want again.
<bot>: I'm allergic to aloe vera, washed out my asshole with aloe vera soap, stung like a motherfucker and bled for a little while.