<human>: Can you provide a brief rundown of the text in within 3 sentences?

After a few hours' coding with my laptop and a full Nalgene, I had a full bladder. I finally decided to break my flow, and resolved to take a bathroom break on my next compile.

Hit compile.

Grabbed my shiny new iPhone 6+ and ran to the bathroom.

I was finally pissing and it was glorious. Had potential to be a 30 seconder. Could be a new record. The multi-tasker I am, I even had time to clear my iPhone inbox with my right hand.

Pissed for a full 40 seconds! Excellent.

Pleased with myself and phone in hand, I flushed and began zipping my fly. Not a simple task given the phone.

And plop, in went my iPhone, yellow water rafting in the toilet.

I immediately plucked it out, and trying to salvage it, began sucking on the microphone/charger part of my phone.

Yum.

Well the audio is not working well, but otherwise still working...
<bot>: dropped my iphone6+ in my piss, picked it up and started sucking the piss out of the iphone's orifices.