<human>: Same old story except maybe with the genders reversed... when we first met the sex was MIND-BLOWING, unbelievably good, he was GGG and open to kink, high libido, we screwed like rabbits. 

10 years later (6 years married) I want to smash my face through the walls. What little sex we do have, I don't even want anymore because it's boring, mechanical, painfully vanilla, and sprung on me with no preamble whatsoever. He used to flirt and talk dirty, doesn't anymore. We have a great time together and a great relationship in every other respect. 

I know he's really stressed about work and I'm sure that's part of it, but it's been a few years now and it's not getting better. He had low testosterone and took something for it for about six months and it got better briefly, but it was still like he'd forgotten how to be a good lover, and anyway he quit taking the meds due to side effects and now we're back where we started. 

It's like sex is this tedious chore we both have to get through so he can get off and sleep easier. He wants me to use my vibrator every time, I guess because he thinks it makes it easier for me, but I can't get turned on like this. 

We do have a theoretically open relationship, and I never wanted to be monogamous, but I'm so turned off sexually by this that it's wrecking my self-esteem and I don't even know how to find someone else I'd want to sleep with. Besides, I don't want to step out until we resolve this. I do really wish he would get with other women - which turns me on more than anything! - but he just doesn't seem interested anymore. 

Other detail: He does work a very stressful job with long hours and I'm unemployed. We have plenty of money and I'm looking for work, and I do the housework and I cook awesome meals every day, but I can't help feeling like I don't have the right to complain about bad sex when I'm being financially supported. That probably doesn't help me feel sexier either.

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<bot>: Married couple mid-30s, no kids, used to have tons of hot kinky sex and now the husband's gone boring in bed and the wife is going nuts. How to resolve this without being cruel?