<human>: Didn't happen today, but couple of months ago in the summer (around August 2015). 

Around end of June of last year, my girlfriend and her roommate found a new apartment to move into since it was more spacious and convenient for her commute to work. Before she moved out, it was really difficult for us to have time alone with each other to have sex (I was living at home with my mom). Her new place is located just outside of NYC and has a newly furnished kitchen and bathroom. The only downsides I would say is that the place is a bit small and is near a construction area, but other than that, it's a really nice apartment. I was really ecstatic that she moved into this new place since it was also really close to my work.

Anyways, after a couple of weeks when she finally settled in, I went over to her place during a week day and was able to get down and dirty with her. Probably after the 3rd or 4th round of sex, we both finally went to sleep in the nude.

Now one thing you should know about me, I am pretty allergic to mosquito bites. Since this was the optimal time for mosquitoes to be around (and apparently they can breed near puddles of cement water in the construction area), they decided to have their way with me. The reason why it was such a f- up, they didn't just bite me on my arms and legs...they bit my privates and my eyelids. It got so extreme, my eye got swollen to the point where I looked like Matthew Broderick in that movie Election (when his eye gets stung by a bee) and my dick looked like a chode. Needless to say, I woke up at 3AM with about 20 mosquito bites and decided to leave her place to sleep at my work place.

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: Went to girlfriend's new place on a weekday for some sexy time, ended up sleeping naked. Got bitten by mosquitoes all over my eyelid, body, and dick with an allergic reaction causing my dick to look like a pancake.