<human>: So as of 10 minutes ago I fucked it up. By day I'm a teacher and by night I like to clean and turn fossils into art. So having a nice piece of slate I wanted to split I picked up my blunt knife...yeah I'm also looking for an honourable mention Darwin award here.

I find a nice crack and try to split the slate and as you can guess I put too much force into it, went through the rock and into my hand. For the next ten minutes I repeat "I'm a fucking idiot" while bleeding everywhere. The carpet, on the dog, the bathroom now looks like a scene from a horror movie. 

I manage to pinch the skin together and tape it up. I'm wondering if I should ask the neighbours to drive me to A&E or just drink and try to explain to my fiancé why I'm now on a list for googling 'how to get blood out of the carpet'

Can you condense the text into a few key points?
<bot>: try to split rock with a dull knife, stabbed myself and bled everywhere. Now waiting for the fiancé :/