<human>: **relationship length:** almost 2 months.

**Some background information:**
Not even three month ago, I was in a shit-tastic relationship for three years. I tried so hard to make it work because he was my first EVERYTHING. I have since realized that losing my virginity to someone doesn't necessarily make them worth keeping. Anyways, my current boyfriend has had a crush [ and I am talking MAJOR crush] on me since middle school (roughly 10 years ago), but I just always saw him as a friend.

**Current:**
My current boyfriend, J, is the prime example of what I would want in a SO. I couldn't ask for anyone better. Marriage has always scared me, but w/ him I just want to be his forever. I love him. 

Problem is, I am NOT trying to settle down right now. I am 21 years old and I know that in a couple of years my wants/needs will have changed. I don't want to settle down until I am in my late twenties (My parents married really young and have always encouraged me to wait until I know who I really am). I wanna experience life before I start settling down. 

It sounds so horrible because I want J to be mine, but, currently, i am not in the relationship-y kind of mood. I feel like that doesn't even make sense. Has this ever happened to any of you? good/bad stories. I don't care.

**yesterday**
I tried letting him know how I felt and he was so fuckin' heartbroken :/
fuckin' distraught. He ALWAYS has a smile on his face and seeing him sad BECAUSE OF ME killed me. fuck. So, I convinced myself that I was being emotional and it didn't get brought up again. I need help. I just feel so horrible. ugh.

Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?
<bot>: I love my boyfriend, but I can't stomach being in a relationship. How do I talk to him about this.