<human>: Can you provide a brief overview of the text?

So my girlfriend and I decided to try a long distance relationship in college (California to texas). And we both had the idea of writing each other letters.  

Her first letter came in today and when I read it I starting tearing up (naturally).

I told myself I would wipe any tears from letters on the letter just because I thought it would be more memorable. So as I go to wipe it off I thought to myself 
"wow this would be the dumbest way to get-"
"OWWW FUCK!!! "

luckily I was on my bed so my sheets were able to catch all my eye blood.
<bot>: got a cute letter from girlfriend and wiped a tear on the paper. Paper said "fuck you". Got horrible paper cut on eye.