<human>: Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?

Let me start by apologizing for the amount of text.

So here's some background info:

We started dating while I was in the middle of a divorce (which is, of course, why our relationship was doomed to fail to begin with), so needless to say, I was a broken person going into it. 

I pushed him away constantly without meaning to (ie, didn't show much affection, would dump my stress on him without supporting him as well, hid some things from him). He dealt with my crap and tried to be supportive for 2 years.

He broke up with me a little over a year ago because he couldn't take my crap anymore. We attempted to stay friends, but i was still a mess (low self-esteem, trust issues from previous relationship, had impossible expectations, etc) so I ruined that as well.  

We started talking again 2 separate times; we fooled around during both times because we both still loved each other and we were both single. 

He asked me to try again about 4 months ago, and I said I didn't have any feelings for him (lies). I started dating someone else. 

He didn't speak to me for 3 months (3rd time of NC) 

I messaged him a couple weeks ago about something important, and he just continued to talk to me. We've been maintaining subtle contact and have gotten together 4 times since. 

I still love him.... In a more mature way now.   I know I was a shithead. I know I hurt him really badly; I did nearly everything wrong except cheat.   I'm not a broken person anymore. I still have some insecurities, but everyone does.  Help me not screw this up.  I don't want to push him away again... Even if all I get is his friendship. 

 I don't know how often I should contact him, how open I should be, how I should behave..... I'm so nervous that I'm losing all behavioral common sense.  Any help is welcome.
<bot>: I really hurt the man I love, and he stopped talking to me a while back.  He just started talking to me again and I don't want to screw it up.