<human>: I was at work and had a phone conversation with my wife a few moments ago. I first asked her how she feels today, if she's feeling sick (due to a relatively new health issue), and if she ate anything today. After her answers to these questions (which I think are caring questions, but in her opinion, a valid one, they are questions anyone can ask, so are they truly considerate ones?) I asked her if she was feeling well enough to go out tonight to run some errands with me and I also mentioned if we could do some housework at home.

The issue is that because I asked her if she was feeling well enough *to do x outside* it negates the fact that I asked if she was feeling well. It makes it seem as if I only care about doing X. And then I explain that I say we need to do X because we have a lot of things to do, and she always told me I need to be a person who leads in the house (and I understand, if I don't set an example in doing things, then nothing will get done).  But then because I'm talking about going to do X, it's not that I really care about doing X for us (like as in accomplishing goals), but that I care about *the fact that I said that we need to do x* so that I look good and responsible. She said I sound like a defensive talker, like someone who is passive or passive aggressive. I'm confused by this.

That pissed her off, because it makes me sound like I'm really selfish, and I'm not putting myself in her shoes. Not only that, but in a way, she's right, because I started focusing on how I needed to get back to work and didn't want to have a really long conversation (20+) on my phone at work.

Basically, 75% of our conversations end up like this and I'm really confused about how to express my caring for us and our goals, short-term and long-term. And I'm really not sure what empathy is, because apparently I don't know how to do it or ask how she really feels.

Can you provide a brief rundown of the text in within 3 sentences?
<bot>: what is caring, how to express it properly in how you phrase questions, and how do I imply that I want to lead but not be selfish about it?