<human>: **Background**

I recently found out that my mothers boyfriend of 2 years has become increasingly abusive towards her.  It is mostly emotional abuse, but has escalated to physical abuse on at least one occasion.

When I found out, I connected her with the domestic abuse hotline, and she has worked really hard to regain a sense of worth and power in the relationship.  She says that there have been no episodes since, and I believe her.  I have spoken with the counselors on this hotline about the role I should play, and they told me that the most important thing to do is make sure that she knows I'm there for her and let her make her own decisions.  (Note: I'm not here for advice on this situation.)

**Problem**

Her birthday is this week, and my grandfather (who also knows about the circumstances) is organizing a birthday dinner for her.  It will be him, his wife, my mom, her boyfriend, and me.  Up until now I have managed to avoid seeing the boyfriend at all.  He knows that I am not happy with him, and my mom says he is "afraid" of my judgment (that's rich, isn't it?).  

I REALLY do not want to have to spend a meal with this person.  In my mind, the more separate I can be from him the better.  I *want* him to be afraid of me, and if I go to this dinner I will have to be pleasant which I worry will lull him into a false sense of security.

How can I approach this situation without making my mom feel torn between me and him?  Should I just suck it up and go?  The most important thing to me is that she understands that I support her.  I can handle a meal with him if it means it is the best decision for her.

Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: I want nothing to do with my mom's asshole of a boyfriend but I want to make her feel special and loved on her birthday.  Should I go?