<human>: Condense the text into a few key points

I just got done slaving over a hot stove for 2 hours(yay! 4 cheese, 3 meat lasagna!) so I am all ~~sexy~~ sweaty and I decide to cool off in the bathroom with some water to the face. My long hair and beard are a mess, but I don't want to get stinky sweat all over nice clean brush and I am in no mood to use the ghetto-ass leaky stand-up shower I am stuck with so I grab a random comb I found when I moved and I proceed as usual.

I comb my hair, all is well, though the comb is a bit scratchy and rather flimsy, oh well. Time to comb my beard. Left side, no tangles. Awesome! Right side, the comb seizes about half way through...damn, got a tangle or a knot. 

I think to myself, "Fuck it! I'll just pull it through, either the hairs will untangle or they're comin' out." Pull. pull. pull. Ow, this hair is rather tenacious...

***YANK!***

There we go, no more knot. At this time I notice one of the combs teeth is bent almost completely backwards, about 160 degrees away from where it should be. I inspect the area of the supposed  tangle and find a decent sized bead of blood instead.

"What the fuck was wrong with this hair?"

Upon further inspection, I realized that under the tiny horizontal pool of blood on my cheek there is a puncture wound about the size of a comb tooth, and then some.

I had stabbed the entire tooth into my cheek, then pulled the comb with such force the tooth bent back and tore my flesh into a 1/4 inch deep tear dropped shaped puncture wound. At least it's only one of many blemishes on my face, and if anything it counter balances the cat scratch on the other cheek.
<bot>: I combed my beard so hard that instead of pulling out a tangle I inserted the comb into my face and still managed to follow through.