<human>: So this happened Monday.., I was at my girlfriends parents house for Easter weekend (we leave Tuesday) so I wake up around 10ish to a text from my gf saying her and her parents went to run errands and they will return this afternoon. So I text back and say ok I'll see you soon..and I decided to go into the living room and watch some T.V while I ponder what I was gonna eat....so all a sudden a huge fart creeps up on me...so since nobody is around a let it rip...only it wasn't a fart....it was a shart that went Super Saiyan 4...and vicious brown liquid spread all over the couch like herpes on a band trip....did I mention its a *White Fabric Sofa*?  So I ran to the bathroom... trailing shit on the carpet....the white carpet.....and changed and cleaned myself up...and i ventured back out into the bio-zone that is my future in-laws living room...and I see a huge stain of shit that resembles the 90s Nick logo...so I googled ways to clean it off...and lo and fucking behold...they don't have the baking soda I need...and the nearest store is 4 miles away....well I'm fucked reddit

Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell
<bot>: Was on in-laws couch...had to fart...did fart but there was much, MUCH extra behind the fart now couch is destroyed along with my relationship with my in laws...