<human>: Can you provide a brief overview of the text?

I'm going to try to make this short because my stories always end up being way longer than necessary...

Friday night, my friend had a party for her birthday. Normally I don't drink, but for whatever reason she really wanted me to, so I obliged. Now, I'm told I didn't have that much, but this was only my second time drinking and I suddenly blacked out sometime between 11 and midnight (I think). Between then and 3 I apparently did some weed (never done that either, not that I remember anyways), got really gay, and then took a couple of my blankets and pillows up to the attic of the garage and fell asleep. (Yeah, it has an attic.) I woke up around 6, having no idea what was going on and yet still drunk enough to not be offput by that. I felt kinda damp, but I figured it was just sweat, since I was fully clothed still. I went back downstairs to the party, which by then only had the hostess and one other guy left. When I got down there, I either realized or was told by them that it wasn't sweat...it was urine. I felt kinda embarrassed but basically stripped down and put on something else. A couple minutes later I realized I should take everything out of the pockets...keys, a tube of Blistex I tossed immediately, wallet (gross, but I needed to get rid of it anyway, and the cash was fine), and then...my phone. Disgusting, and completely fucked. It took me ages to figure out why - it didn't seem wet or pissy at the time - and it wasn't until I went back to bed and woke up again I realized why it wouldn't turn on.
<bot>: the good: gave my friend a lapdance. bad: phone assassinated by my bladder while I slept. the ugly: gave my friend a lapdance.