<human>: My wife and I have been through various states of problems and years of marriage counseling. We've been through a lot and have our share of communication issues.  I've learned to not bottle things up and say what's on my mind when appropriate.  But it seems like whenever I let her know what she may be doing that is bothering me, she consistently replys with, "you're doing it too"'.  It's not like I bug her about things all the time either. Maybe once a week or couple of weeks, generally when a boundary is broken or I feel she is pushing my triggers.  

For example:

Me in a calm voice: you're getting real snappy with me for no reason, please stop.

Her: well you're doing it too

She is a very passive person, and doesn't take confrontation well. Gets very defensive very quickly. How can I rephrase what I'm saying or what can I reply with to essentially say "please listen to me rather than attack me back?"

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: How do I reply to my wife when I express a concern and she constantly replies with "you're doing it too"?