<human>: Hi,

I'm stuck trying to work out a suitable balance for my kids in terms of sweets, fizzy drinks and dental hygiene and would appreciate some thoughts from /r/parenting.

My 8yo son needs a few fillings in his back teeth, and it's going to be an utter nightmare getting him to have the work done as he's a very anxious and easily bothered kid. This is part of the reason that he had only been to the dentist once before when the dentist scared him so much he would fight to avoid even going near the chair for a check up. last year I noticed that his back teeth were really not looking good, much dirtier than his others etc. This was over a year after I split with my kids mother, and had been parenting in our own ways, but we'd still been living together with the kids for a good couple of years after the fateful dentist visit.

Since discovering the decay, his mother has stopped letting my kids have any juice or fizz ever, just water and milk. And says I must do the same. Also says that I must brush my sons teeth for him, after he does it himself. Essentially she blames me for the wholes the Dentist recently found in his teeth. To me, whilst obviously it's healthier to remove sweet things, good routine teeth cleaning will really cover up all these issues, and eating meals with fruit juice surely won't leave juice as a risk to teeth given everything else that's also in the mix. My new partner says that the blame should really be on my son, he needs to brush his teeth properly or accept the consequences, and that it's a really bad idea to be brushing his teeth for him.

Any thoughts on my situation? I like letting them have nice snacks and drinks once in a while (absolutely not loads), and given they're spending most of their time with their mother, does it really seem fair for her to say that *I* and the cause for holes in his teeth?? She is, of course, perfect in her own mind, and hasn't suggested any responsibility on my son either. Her "solution" seems very harsh and a huge over reaction to me.

Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: My son is bad at brushing his teeth, and he likes fruit juice. Ex-wife blames me for his cavities.