<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

So it was my friends birthday and we went drinking last night. It started out nice enough at a cocktail bar, we had some delicious concoctions, then moved to a cheaper bar for more drinks and that is where it got messy. I don't remember everything but as we were getting our things to leave my house mate hands me my bag and this black satchel bag and said I think this is Steph's (birthday girl).  I said okay and took it with me.  Fast forward to 10am and a phone rings, I fumble for the source of that torturous noise and don't get the phone in time. I couldn't call them back as the phone was locked so I left it and decided to hand it in to the police station down the road from the pub we went to. Also left a message for the pub on their FB page that a bag was mistakenly taken last night and has been handed in to the cop shop. I wanted to hand it in anonymously but the policewoman took my details. That's the worst part I think. 
I feel pretty bad, I've never stolen anything before and the poor person is probably cancelling their cards and phone. I'm a terrible person and deserve this hangover. I just hope the person doesn't charge me by saying I stole it or that I took anything, which I did not.
<bot>: Took a strangers bag from a pub by mistake in all my righteous drunken glory and handed it in to the police station who now have my details.