<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

As per usual this fuck up happened 2 years ago. 

The story starts by going to visit my friend lets call her T. We decide to hang out at her apartment in which she shares with her roommate, let's call her J. 

J decides she wants to butt in with the hang. The whole time J glares and makes snarky comments about me and T can see that I'm starting be rather annoyed. With T's wisdom the alcohol starts flowing and being a typical teenager this is where the drunken black hole of a memory starts. 

Next thing I'm around the side of the apartment at night with J who is balling her eyes out mumbling stuff about her ex dumping her and "how could I not want to fuck her."
Now here's where my teenage hormones kick in like auto pilot, suddenly I'm comforting her which leads to a massive lip smacking. T finds us and flips a shit telling J to go to her room and warning me not to get with J.

 Pffft I'm a teenage boy you can't tell me not to have sex. So later I sneak away to J's room. Like moths to a flame we start fucking, and fucking and fucking. It goes for hours. I just couldn't finish, good old whiskey dick, she offered to just use her hand. 

Sure why not? What could go wro... Oh fuck! Her grip is that of a thousand gorillas and she rips my junk up and down as if trying to rip it off. I scream and she takes that as go harder. At this point I'm almost passing out from the pain and had to fake busting a nut as best I could. She released and I got up and left, waddling like a penguin. For the next month my poor little man was black and blue.
<bot>: Hung out with friend and her grumpy friend. Drunkenly try to get rocks off. Grumpy friend almost rips dick off. Literally blue balls for a month.