<human>: happened today, extra points?  
this is my goto throwaway cuz friends know my reddit account.  
  
Met a girl a few years ago, thought she was pretty af, never had more than fb.  

Was crazy enough that she had a crush on me this year, and my retarded self decided even though she confessed, I ain't gonna date her. Somehow, she ended up as my prom date and she's a year younger.  
  
Day after prom, she told me she has a crush on someone else; retarded self again decided to go full retarded and mimic the way she confessed - giving advice to me (mind you, she just thought I had a crush on someone else. I did not actually had feelings for the person she was giving me advice for). Then she realizes I liked her too, but at this point, being an introvertic, self-esteemless little dumb fuck, I already gave up and am just trying to get her with the new crush.  
  
As if that wasn't retarded enough, my retarded self continued to go full retard, and now made up some lame weird excuse that "it didn't come out right", but she buys it. Okay, cool. THEN my retarded self decided to give more advice. Since the new crush is shy, and so am I, I gave advice as if I was the target. I wrote shy guys give up easily. She says well i'm still a little confused about the paragraph before, but okay. And then I type "I give up". That gave her the complete package that I had a crush on her. yay for retarded self.  
 
Now I wanna slap myself cuz she mad at me (she was calling me and I was gaming... I can't end my call with my teammates). She wrote me a poem, it was some depressing shit. Almost as if she just wanted to kill me or something from the sound of the poem.  
  
So essentially I'm just sitting here doing my English essay feeling depressed that i'm a retard at communicating, not knowing what to do. She went to bed after the poem.

Give me a shortened version of the text
<bot>: Retarded self can't communicate properly; day after prom, confused prom date if feelings were mutual, pissed off prom date. Now crying in a hole doing English