<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

Feel disgusted if my feelings are known.

This is something that I haven't realized until recently but that has occurred since I was a child. I often have crush on people, but I always make sure they won't know about it, and I often seem to pick someone that doesn't have an interest in me.

Somehow, the imaginary chase makes me feel at ease. 

In the past, there have been several times when the feelings were reciprocated. The guys had somewhat an interest in me, and my attention toward them only facilitated the inevitable but blurry stage of affection. My problem is? I feel disgusted afterwards.

While in the moment when they caress me, I feel nice and I do go into a love high for a couple days afterward... after a very short period, I cool down and I feel dirty. I start finding flaws in their behavior.

This guy touched me too much in a sexual way.
This guy isn't affectionate enough.
This guy doesn't keep in contact with me online.
This guy gives me too much attention.
This guy doesn't offer to pay for the date.
This guy is playing push and pull.

I can't help it but end up feeling like the guys are taking advantage of me. The loss of control in the situation makes me vulnerable and if a guy move too quickly with the /physical sexual acts, I feel offended. I realize in afterthought, when I broke up with the, all that these guys probably never meant any harm and that they probably had no experience with girls anyway. Most of these incidents happened in high school. It's almost as if I want them to like me back, show me special attention but not too much, and not advance. Only then do I feel content. 

My mom was a narcissist and she really loathe men. So growing up I've been taught men are just taking advantage of girls and all that, and I know that there are many guys like that out there. I don't know, however, if my current feelings are natural give the he situation or if they're a side effect of my narrow-mindedness.

I should mentioned that I'm now in college and that I'm still a virgin.
<bot>: I feel an irrational sense of irritation and offense toward guys that reciprocate my feelings when their behavior deviate from what I deem as appropriate. Feel taken advantage of.