<human>: This girl is my first love, my first girlfriend, and the only girl I've had in bed. She is an amazing person. She is so supportive, loving, and caring. Literally the only thing wrong with this relationship is that our vanilla sex life isn't really satisfying me (but I haven't told her that). It makes me so sad because if I had just been born a normal guy without these stupid fetishes, then this relationship would be fucking perfect.  

Lately I've really been longing to explore my fetishes sexually. I know for a fact that she wouldn't want to explore these kinks with me. I tried to ease into opening up about my fetishes to her (because telling her everything directly would make her think I'm a freak) but my attempts to indirectly talk about them were pretty much shut down on sight because she said she thinks it's gross. I know that she'll never be able to satisfy these kinks. I really don't want to lose her though. I just think of all the happy times we've shared together, and how beautiful it was to fall in love with her. And now I'm thinking it could seriously all going to waste because I wasn't born normal?? I feel so ashamed for having these fetishes. They have always brought me feelings of shame. Like a curse. I really really don't want to give her up, but my desire for these kinks is seriously becoming overbearing.  

I feel like most people would say that I should break up with her and just sexually explore while I'm still young. But is it really worth it? I've never felt so much for anyone before. Please help. What should I do? This is killing me.

I thought love was supposed to be better than sex...

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: my girlfriend is perfect in every way, but our vanilla sex life just isn't doing it for me because I'm secretly a freak who has fetishes I wish I never had.