<human>: Our relationship has been complicated from the start because he never wanted anything official( although we were exclusive) and I did. I was at first heart broken about it, I couldn't understand what about me wasn't enough for him but I eventually stopped wanting anything serious with him upon realizing that I couldn't even keep my own life together. Anyway despite that, I really thought I loved him and had mostly avoided having sex with him out of fear of emotional attachment to someone who obviously wasn't ready to settle. 

 Ironically I'm actually feeling more detached after sex. To the point in which I feel sick and cringe at the thought of seeing him again, in fact I kind of wish I could erase the memory from my head.I don't know why, the sex was amazing and he was really considerate of the fact that it was my first time.

Can you condense the text into a few key points?
<bot>: Finally lost my virginity to the "love of my life"/feeling strange and detached afterwards. Did sex make me fall out of love?