<human>: I'm not sure when this idea was lodged into my brain but I have realised that this is the reason for my low self esteem. It's been a recurring theme in my life for many years and it always ends up destroying all my meaningful relationships; I want to stop. Even if I am with an amazing partner, I have the insidious desire to try to sleep with more people for the sake of upping my number. 

**why is this number so god damn important? How can I stop feeling this way?**

When I examine my need and logic to increase my number, I encounter three counter points:

- having sex 300 times with 1 person > having sex 3 times with 3 people, hence 'upping my number' is clearly about novelty than sex

- having sex with 10 'attractive' people > having sex with 100 'non-attractive' people (quotes because attraction is relative)

- knowing people who have had hundreds of partners are not happy, thus suggesting that my desire for novelty is personal and not universal

I have even given up porn. When I realised I couldnt sleep around with as many people as I wanted, I substituted this desire into a nasty porn addiction. Two years later, I still feel the same way, just about 30 times hornier and 30 times more desperate.  

I was wondering if the community relates to this at all. Could someone help me understand my pathology and offer any helping words to change my behaviour? Is this some fucked up male biological imperative that makes all men feel the need to spray their seed incessantly?

Why am I so desperate to constantly seek novelty? I cant stop imaging myself sleeping with every attractive person I see and I am constantly riddled with guilt and self hatred.

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: I only feel validated if I sleep with many people; how can I change the way I think so that I do not value promiscuity over love?