<human>: To start off, this isn't the worst 'tifu' but I do feel some of you will get some enjoyment from my misfortune.

Anyways, I help raise my niece with my sister who I live with and whenever she's at work I walk or ride my bike two miles to pick her up from school(and vice versa).

Well I was running quite a bit late so instead of grabbing her bike, I just grabbed the scooter. I usually just grab the frame of her bike and rest it over my shoulder and I have absolutely no problems, except for today.

I ran out the door, snatched up the scooter, jumped on my bike, and took off. Without giving it any second thought, I held the scooter by the frame by the wheels upside down so the handlebars were twirling uncomfortably close to my front tire, like I said, I was in a rush. I stood up and peddled with one hand and reached about 20mph. Once I got up to speed I sat down comfortably and up shifted a bit when all of a sudden the  scooters handle bars had twisted while I went to make a small turn and they decided to conveniently lodge itself through the front tire, suck through the forks, rip the spokes, and send me barreling through the air like a downing 747. The bike catapulted me about 10-15ft, ass over head, and before I was only a few feet from the demolition of my beautiful face, I was able to put my hands out in a desperate attempt to illeviate the impending doom I was about to receive. Once my hands made contact with the ground I was already completely vertical with the hot steamy asphalt and was forced to tuck my head in probably what looked like an infant's feeble attempt to perform a summersault which resulted in me almost basically back flopping the ground like a WWE wrestler had just laid the smack down on me and bounced off the ground. 

I layed their in unfathomable pain in my wrists and back for two or three minutes till a neighbor stopped his car and asked of I was ok. 
If I didn't duck and roll I'd probably be in the hospital

Can you succinctly summarize the text in 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: scooter handlebars decided to get intimate with my front tire on my road bike and decided to hook me up with a blind date with the 110 degree Arizona asphalt.