<human>: **Trigger warning for eating disorders below**

I'm sorry if this is out of place. I've been subbed here for a long time, it makes me happy seeing everyone achieving goals and reaching milestones! I've been wanting to lose weight for some time, but I wanted to wait until I felt I was ready mentally. I'm ready.

I've been in recovery from an eating disorder (mostly restrictive, with excessive exercise... sometimes binge/purge) for many years now. I haven't had problems with disordered behaviors for quite some time. I am healthy mentally and ready to lose weight (about 15-20 pounds ideally). But recovery from an eating disorder is like being an alcoholic. It's always with you... I'll always still be in recovery. From what I understand, the best/most reliable way to do so healthily is CICO. But when I start counting calories, the monster in my head comes out and I begin to spiral into bad behavior again... I want to lose weight, to be at my healthiest and most fit, but how can I do so without my old calorie hawking behaviors returning?

My apologies if this is the wrong sub. I thought about posting in /r/eatingdisorders, but it's not very active, and I wanted perspective from those who have successfully lost weight healthily who have struggled with a similar problem.

Give me a shortened version of the text
<bot>: I am in recovery from an eating disorder and I feel that I'm in a healthy place mentally to lose a small amount of weight to get in shape. But when I count calories I start to lose my mind again. Any advice?