<human>: Can you provide a brief overview of the text?

Ladies, I'm assuming that most of yourself keep yourself "cleaner" down there than most men so your advice is welcome (as are your products).

I have always tried to keep myself well groomed.  For the last couple of months I was seeing a chick who wasn't too awful concerned with it (or at least never seemed to be).  Ended it a couple of weeks ago (no biggie) and figured I'd better start keeping myself in tip top shape down there since I'm back on the market.

Went to trim myself up a few mornings ago before work but my electric razor was dead, so I used a Shick Quattro and some "Sensitive Skin" shave gel instead.  HUGE mistake.  I thought it burned like hell when I finished until I frantically rubbed on aftershave lotion balm to soothe it and did a full-on Kevin McCallister with my balls in my bathroom (at 6am, promptly waking my roommate).

The burning and chaffing subsided after a few days, but in a couple of spots some severe razorburn/bumps formed.  These look strikingly like an STD, and I'm trying to get rid of them.  I've tried numerous acne cleansing medications, hydrocortisone cream, and 3 types of "mosturizing/sensitive skin" soaps.  NOTHING!  

Any ladies who use a razor and not wax care to lend me a helping hand with a remedy so I don't give any future potential seductress the wrong impression?  Or any guys who have had this problem...how did you fix it?
<bot>: Shaved my pubes with a standard razor for the first time, razor burn looks like herpes, isn't herpes, how do I get rid of it?