<human>: Not really today, but on Monday.

Being the responsible dog owner I am, I often have to pick up dog poo. This dog is a beast, elephant sized poo 3 or more times a day. It's insane. Anyhow, went out early on Monday morning because I was expecting my neighbor who asked over the weekend to use my driveway, home and electric to detail his newly acquired vehicle.
Went out with a bag and a glove and started searching for poo...it was already almost 80 degrees at 10am. Located some poo and began mouth breathing, as usual, while I am picking it up. I don't want to smell it! Found 3 piles, successfully picked up two.
I reach for the 3rd pile of poo and tons of big black flies and tiny little gnat-like flies take off in to the air. One of the little ones flew directly in to my mouth to the back of my throat.
I started coughing and also doing that thing where you try to suck at the back of your throat to dislodge snot and what not, thing wouldn't budge. Here I am in my driveway with a bag of dog shit in my hand coughing and now gagging, loudly. Just the thought of this living fly lodged back there, that had recently been tunneling through and eating my dog's shit...just stuck there...I start coughing and heaving so violently I puked everywhere...I puked so violently I ended up peeing myself a little.

Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: 10am, bag of dog poo on my arm, swallow shit covered fly and begin coughing and vomiting and pissing everywhere. Good times.