<human>: Hello there friends. My apologies if this is the wrong sub, but I'm not sure where to turn. I am wondering if I should talk to someone professionally about depression, and some other things that are going on.

I have been down for a long time, but I know a lot of people have it way worse. And I have a lot to be grateful for. But (sorry to sound melodramatic) I feel dead inside. Not always in a painful way, but just this ever present feeling of doom. I just always feel bummed out at least slightly. 

Also I have done things I am not proud of. Nothing terrible, but just stuff that I am ashamed of. Like everyone I have an active imagination but sometimes I have disturbing fantasies that have been violent in some cases. Now, I would never harm anyone else or myself, but I just am worried that it's not healthy. Honestly I feel I am a shitty person.

My patience for things is really short these days, I seem to let things get to me super easily. The dumbest stuff can make me grumpy. Then I'll be short with people I care about. I seem to have lost a bunch of friends. I've put on a bunch of weight. I'm making my beautiful wife's life a bit worse to some degree. I'm always there for her but sometimes I am a dick.

Anyway, sorry for the rambling. Just venting. Things seem to be getting more sad all the time, so I'm thinking it's time I made some changes. And maybe seek some help. Thanks for reading.

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: I feel more and more down all the time, and I have become someone I don't like. Should I seek help, or just make some changes on my own first?