<human>: Been with my girlfriend for almost a year, it's a great relationship, we always communicate very very well, barely ever fight, and we have always been weirdly open with bathroom habits and we each have no problems with being in the bathroom, or walking into the bathroom while one or the other is doing a poop.

Earlier on today, i was on the toilet and after eating terribly over this weekend (which is rare), i was on the toilet for the third time doing a poop and my butt hole was stinging like crazy and because i had no wet wipes, i decided to spit on the toilet paper. Just as i spat on the paper, my girlfriend walked in and just yelled "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING DID YOU JUST FUCKING LICK YOUR SHIT ROLL. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT. THE. FUCK" 

I quickly finished up and ran out into the loungeroom to ask her why she was freaking out. she said "you cant be fucking serious. you were just licking your dirty toilet paper!? what the fuck *****!?" I said "Babe, calm down, i was spitting on CLEAN paper because there are no wetwipes, i wasnt bloody licking it! My butt hole hurts so i was just making a DIY wet wipe!"

She now wont talk to me. She honestly thinks i'm a dirty freak who eats their own shit. This is the first problem we have ever had and i dont know how to deal with it, because it's not really an issue that comes up in every relationship! Jesus!

Condense the text into a few key points
<bot>: i had a sore butt hole so i spat on the toilet paper to make it a DIY wet wipe, girlfriend thinks i was eating my own shit.