<human>: A few years ago I was very close friends with a guy. We never really dated but I still use the term ex. All he would do is manipulate me. He would kiss me and pull my hair and scratch my skin. It would drive me absolutely wild! I fell in love with how he made me feel. Every time we would come close to dating, he would never do it. He would instead continue to tease me emotionally and physically.

     A year of this went by. We were so close we might as well have been a couple. Well, I said something snippy that he decided he didn't like so he slammed me into a wall. I had a lump on the back of my head after it happened.

     I destroyed the bridges between us. I told him that I never wanted to see him and that I would never forgive him.

     I've been reading into the bdsm community and it really really turns me on. Now I'm emotionally torn in half!! Half of me wants to stand my ground and refuse to go crawling back to someone who hurt me like that but the other half wants to crawl back on my hands and knees and let him fuck me however he wants and make me his toy. I want him to tease me and use me.

   I know that's not the best idea and that's why I'm standing my ground. I have to admit that it's really hard. I just have to remind myself that he hit me out of anger...not love.

Can you provide a brief overview of the text?
<bot>: confusing anger for love. I want my abusive ex sexually and I know it's stupid to go crawling back to him. I'm standing my ground but its still hard.