<human>: Hi all,

So my boyfriend and I (female) have been dating since mid-late April of last year and we love each other. He was my first kiss, first date, first everything and he's had other relationships (including sex) before. 

Here's the thing, I have a shitty self esteem. He makes me forget that annoying voice in my head that tells me I'm not worth anything. Before entering in a relationship with him I didn't think I deserved love, that I would ever get to have someone to wrap my arms around, that in stolen moments I would let myself hope for more. Hope for a future of sorts. I've tasted the blood of relationships, the highs brought on by kisses and oral sex, by having someone to talk to about anything and of being able to know deeper than anyone else. How do I let that go?

He's going to university and told me he doesn't think we should do long distance, but that seeing as we're friends we should stay that way. He's my everything, and it's killing me a bit. I want to be with him for as long as I can but it's so hard knowing that soon it will all cut off. We've talked that do we pretend it won't happen, or break things off earlier. I just don't know.

How do I go through a day seeing everything that reminds me of him and the usual just thinking of him and craving him and know that I can't do anything about it? That I can't kiss him when I want, that I won't see him at least once a week, that I won't see that "goodnight beautiful xoxoxox" text each night, that he might give his heart to someone else.

How do I deal? Don't just say time, please, because I'm scared this will consume me, that maybe I'll stop seeing the world so brightly and that the occasional meal I skip will get worse.

Summarize the given text in a few sentences.
<bot>: Going to go through my first break up with the man I call my everything and I don't know how to deal.