<human>: Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?

Ok, so this wasn't today, but a few months back.

After spending lots of money over the years for my wife to go to salons and spas and all of those other womanly places to get waxed, I decided it was time to tighten the belt a notch and have her start doing it herself. We bought the wax, we bought the strips, and we were ready to go.

So the next day she's in the bathroom doing her thing. This is when I learned how messy waxing is. That stuff was ALL OVER. She spills a bunch of wax and needs to clean it up. With her leg up on the toilet, she looks around and sees my pajama pants lying on the floor. What better to clean up wax with right? I'm sure you see where this is going. 

I had been lying on the bed and decided to head out for a smoke. I get up, put my pants on, commando style of course, and go outside. I sit down in the chair and enjoy my cigarette. I play on my phone and after about 30 minutes, I stand up. When I stand up, the cheap plastic chair comes with me. Something's not right here. I push down and that's when I realize what has happened. The chair is stuck. I push harder. Still stuck. I thrust down hard and it comes loose. My pants stay stuck to the chair and so does most of the hair I have on my ass. I scream. Yes it was the girliest scream that has ever escaped my lips. About this time, my wife is rounding the corner at a run trying to see why her manly man is screaming like a 10 year old girl. As soon as she realizes what has happened, the giggling begins. I'm not amused…
I have to step out of the pants and walk back in house pantsless with a flaming red ass that feels like it's been burned with a hot poker. She's still giggling….
<bot>: Always pay for your wife to get waxed somewhere other than your home, it will come back to bite you in the ass otherwise.