<human>: In reality, the fuck up is my mom's fault for not drowning me at birth when she had the chance.

but, on to today...

YAY FUCK UP HAPPENED TODAY. 
My car (THE FALCON) has been acting up for a little over a year now. I've been able to kinda manipulate the issue and avoid repairs. So The Falcon has been sitting for a couple of months due to a throttle body sensor issue. I've decided to just kinda wait til i can afford the repair instead of risking damage to my person driving myself places. 

Enter Ride to Work (we shall call her RTW). RTW has been very generous in helping me transport to and from work as long as I pay her. 

RTW shows up, I decide I have a couple of extra minutes before work, so we share a cigarette and decide we want to make sure my car battery is still working due to inactivity.

Unlock my car...
push in clutch...
ignition.

Normally this wouldnt be an issue given its a manual with zero to no real idle. Today however, The Falcon or my cold medicine had other plans for my insignificant white ass. In a violent storm of GET FUCKED N00B, The Falcon jolts to life with the swiftness of a lion pouncing on its prey. 

Time.. sl..owss....
Falcon spots is prey.
Break ignores comands.
Falcon takes my back yard fence to suplex city.

I was able to remove the car from the back yard. I didnt have time or mental capacity to even fathom what had actually happened. All i know is that had i called into work today none of this would have happened. Tomorrow i'm going to see if i can repair it myself. I hope its not too expensive.

Summarize the given text in a few sentences.
<bot>: Been sick, woke up feeling well enough, didnt call into work, fucked with my car, drove through a fucking fence. Profit.