<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

We got married early. 18. I was a terrible husband because I was unhappy. I didn't know what I wanted. This last year was the hardest, and I pushed her away. We separated five months ago but we have two children together and still saw each other regularly (spent every weekend together). She gave me an ultimatum at the beginning of the month, move back in or we're getting a divorce.

I told her I couldn't move back in yet because I still so unhappy.

I spent our marriage looking for what would make me happy, we had so many good times, and so many bad times, and I spent a lot of our marriage trying to figure out why I was so sad.

After nearly 8 years of marriage I finally realized I needed to see someone about my rooted unhappiness. After beginning therapy (a few days after she told me she was leaving me) we worked out that I had never decided for myself what my values were, and how those were demonstrated.

E.g., being healthy --> you demonstrate this by working out regularly and eating nutritious food.

I was unhappy because I was living by someone else's value system, had never consciously fleshed out my own, and acted against many of those values (like being a good husband, and not demonstrating that by loving her the way she deserved).

It wasn't her that made me unhappy, it was me.

Now she's leaving. I don't think she's ever coming back. It's only been three weeks since she said she was done, and I've found out she just started seeing someone else.

I realize now that she was exactly what I wanted, and I want her more than anything. She's already filed. I'm angry at myself and I don't know how to deal with this.

I ruined the best thing in my life because I was a fucking selfish child and I couldn't see what was right in front of me.

How to I get better? How do I feel better?
<bot>: I pushed my wife away because I was unhappy, but I was unhappy because of me and not her. I miss her. She's not coming back. I don't know what to do.