<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

I repeat, bat in the apartment! All my windows and doors are sealed constantly, but I heard a flutter and looked in time to see what I thought was a small black bird go into my kitchen. He has since disappeared (must be a bat) I am now scared of the bat that I might never see again. More likely I will be lulled into a false sense of security, (give it a week or so) then spill boiling sauce all over myself when he flies into my face.

I wish I was joking, but other tenants leave the front door open (even after a suspected murder in the building, whole different story). Now we have bats to deal with?
<bot>: The fuck am I supposed to do at 5:30 AM with a bat 10 feet from me, hiding, plotting, and probably shitting in my cutlery?