<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

So I know it's just another sexy times post on TIFU, but my balls hurt enough to feel this worthy of being posted. Here's what went down. 

GF and I were getting down to business and we like to engage in some rough, forceful, domination or I don't know what to call it. Either way, I was helping her go down to my funky town with a handful of her hair. And I felt the boys down below were feeling left out so I helped guide her down there.... She didn't want to be down there. And gave my right fella a playful nibble. All's well that ends well, and well, things ended a little after that with zero ill effects. 

Cue now, two-ish hours from then. Roll over onto my side to get comfy and HOLY JEEBUS my entire right side is in agony and I'm thinking I strained a muscle or something. Get up and as I'm waddling to the medicine cabinet to get some pain killers it becomes apparent that the pain ain't coming from my side. Yup. My right testicle is all firm/swollen and angry. 

Here's hoping the Tylenol kicks in soon and that you people get some laughter or something out of this situation.
<bot>: Got head. Got testicle nibbled playfully. Several hours later said testicle is keeping me awake with pain.