<human>: Alright here goes nothing, first post so be kind; 4 years ago my ex raped me in a drunken stupor and he soon ended things after that saying he didn't think I was happy (up until the assault I was). 2 months after the break I started dating my current boyfriend, and things weren't going very smoothly. My boyfriend isn't exactly my type looks wise (6'2, 200lbs), but I wanted to give him a chance, and have a drastic change from my ex (5'8, 165lbs). My boyfriend was great dealing with all my issues about the rape which included having panic attacks whenever he and I would attempt to get intimate (as little as touching my breasts would set me off), he dealt with this and never once doubted our relationship and because of this I felt he was a good choice because I tend to have panic attacks and terrible moods often (bi-polar, depression and anxiety, etc.) and he didn't care, he loved me for me and I was happy. But at the back of my mind, there was my ex.

Fast forward to now, and the issues I'm currently having. My boyfriend and my ex have become somewhat of friends, they play LoL, WoW and other games together along with a few other friends, so my ex gets brought up in conversation a lot and it's starting to being him to the front of my mind again. On top of that I'm finding I'm no longer sexually attracted to my boyfriend and find my libido is very very low when he is around. I'm having very vivid dreams about my ex sexually and this is becoming very confusing. I feel guilty about having these thoughts not only because I'm in a relationship, but because this is the man that assaulted me 4 years ago, and yet I still want to be with him (only sexually though, which may be worse, idk).

Summarize the given text in a few sentences.
<bot>: I'm starting to think of my sexually abusive ex as a sexual partner again, no longer finding my current boyfriend sexually attractive.