<human>: Woke up this morning uncomfortably sandwiched between my sleeping husband and my sleeping dog. Needed to pee badly. Attempted to casually slide down under the covers and off the bottom edge of the bed. Would make it to the bathroom and not wake anyone up, brilliant! 

Its dark under the covers and I feel my husband's hand feeling around for me. I figure he is trying to grab my tit and stop me from going pee. He does this often. 

His hand is feeling around my face. I figure he doesn't know how far under the covers my boob is. Annoyed at the attempt to prevent me from releasing my bladder, when his hand grazes my face I bite down, hard, trying to get the point across. Hey I'm not a morning person what can I say?

Accept what I am biting is really soft. My teeth sink right into it like warm butter wherase his hand normally provides a little resistance. I realize too late what I have done. Husband is rolling around crying, asking why like he's Nancy Karragan. Apparently he just wanted to smack me in the face with his dick for trying to escape. 

Luckily I only drew a little blood and he wasn't too mad at me. Hes had a slight limp all day but insists he is fine. I feel terrible and vow to never blindly bite things again. On the positive side I have been able to pee all day without being stopped!

Can you give me a shortened version of the text?
<bot>: Was trying to escape a dog/manwich to free the pee when husband got his dick in the wrong place at the wrong time.