<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

I (22f) love my boyfriend(22m), but I am growing more distant from him due to our inability to communicate our feelings without me breaking down or him getting pissed off. I am depressed and have a hard time explaining how I feel whenever I have an issue without breaking down. My boyfriend will force me to speak when I just want to collect my thoughts or need space. The thing is he gets extremely mad and will fight with me to talk to get to the point of discussing whatever and I just cry then I get the flight or fight feeling. When he won't give me space I get so riled up from him yelling at me I'll hit him which is no way his fault. 

I feel like I drove him to be this way. When he moved out I mourned our relationship, but a month later he came back home. I felt some what distant though I looked forward to renewing the relationship. After 3 days of living at home again I find out he was talking to his ex behind my back. I felt severed from him and heart broken with my depression/anxiety getting worse. These events make me step back constantly from the relationship. I feel like my boyfriend is still talking to his ex even though he swears he doesn't, but my trust is broken. 

Otherwise he is good to me. He tries to show affection, but I can't be affectionate back. I just think of him lying and the way he talks to me. I don't want to be this way. I still deeply care about him, but my heart has changed. I feel that he would be happier with a girl who doesn't have so much baggage. I'm too paranoid that he wants his ex. I'm too emotional, but I still want to be with him. I really want to repair it, but how can I over come this wall I put up?
<bot>: I've put up a wall between my boyfriend that I want to break down, but having a hard time due to communication and speaking to a ex behind my back.