<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

First things first, I live in an apartment with 3 other people and my girlfriend stays over on the weekends. So last Sunday my girlfriend and I decided to order in, watch some Netflix and just have a lazy day. We stay up late, ordered food around 9pm, and got to bed around 1 or 2. I woke up the next morning at like 7, recognized I needed to go to the bathroom but decided I could hold it so I went back to sleep. I awake once more at 9:30 with a need to use the bathroom, a need that I would call desperate. I realize my girlfriend is in the shower, so I wait 5 minutes hoping she might finish. So of you might say just go to the bathroom while she is in there, but thats out of the question. The sounds and smells that I can *feel* would come from my body should not be shared with the woman I want to continue having sex with.
At this point, I am pacing around my room like a caged animal. I keep taking deep breaths, clenching my ass muscles all in an attempt to not shit my pants. Finally my eyes fall on a grocery bag, the ones you use as tiny trash bags. I grab a hold of it, scan for holes, rip of my pants and release. The most disgusting smell fills my room. Also, as soon as I ripped my pants off the shower turns off, and I hear my girlfriend leaving the bathroom. 
So I pull up my pants quickly try to leave my room, but as I open the door I come face to face my with girlfriend. Her playful smile disappears as soon as she smells my room, which reeks of poop and shame. I quickly made my exit, threw the bag away in the outside trashcan and went straight to the bathroom to wipe. So yeah, we haven't talked about it since but I think its safe to say that she will bring this up if we ever breakup.
<bot>: I am a lazy fuck who went back to bed after feeling a need to shit. As a result I had to shit in a bag, and my girlfriend caught me.