<human>: I have always had trouble making friends in the past. Being white in an Southeast Asian country, I was already different to begin with. Long story short, my "otherness" has led to me being bullied a lot in my childhood years, and I've developed trust issues because of it.

Even after the bullying phase of my life was over, I always managed to fuck up socially enough to get myself ostracized and friendless again. I have managed to convince myself that no matter how many times I start over in a new school or whatever, I'm bound to fuck up one way or another.

Which leads to the problem. Everytime I see someone out with their friends, whether it be IRL or on Facebook or whatever, my stomach clenches and I just feel a great amount of jealousy. I've never had that, and even if I do manage to find friends I always end up becoming too clingy or once again fuck it up somehow.

I am in college now, and I do have friends, but I'm just so afraid of screwing up that I watch everything I say or do. I can't relax in public, I've become highly self-concious and paranoid and I can't even feel confident in how I look, despite living in a country where being white makes you an instant beauty. I have become a complete pushover, and no matter how much anyone pisses me off, I just can't bring myself to let my annoyance be known. I can't say no anymore, and I've become a pathetic, quiet, and paranoid person.

I really need advice... for everything, really. Thanks, reddit.

Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?
<bot>: I have a hard time making and keeping friends and it's cipping away at my self-esteem, advice greatly needed.