<human>: Can you summarize the given text in a few sentences?

Here's a lovely repressed memory from my last year of Uni.

So, context: I was pretty unhealthy throughout all of uni but my third year was probably the worst. Because of stress I'd started to hit the gym every day to expel it. On the surface that sounds like a good idea, but not when your diet contains a only pre made pasta meal every day (about 500 cal), vodka and cigarettes.

After losing about two stone in as many months I went to a mate's party and it was there where it all came to a head.

It was a pretty good party and at about 4am it was winding down. I knew I had felt a bit lighthearted earlier on but I just assumed I was a bit tired and was just the effect of smoking and alcohol.

Going upstairs for a widdle, I started to let rip but was feeling increasingly faint. Knowing the door wouldn't lock, I couldn't sit down so I tried to push the ol' peepee out as quick as possible so I could go outside and have a sit.

And thus begins the FU.

Next thing I know, I've fallen back out of the toilet onto the landing, weener in hand. I can hear people rushing up the stairs to see what had happened (they said there was a massive bang from me falling backwards).

In my completely deluded, half-conscious state, I decided I needed to hide. I rushed across the landing into a room and shut the door trying to get my shit together. Turns out someone else was in there too - one of the housemates who had gone to bed. 

After an awkward "erm who are you?" I swiftly left the room (followed by him) onto the landing where a chorus of people had gathered to see wtf had gone on.

I explained what had happened and it was just as awkward as you might think.
<bot>: I fainted backwards out of a bathroom with my weener in my hand and broke into someone's occupied bedroom to hide.