<human>: So I'm a 32 year old male.. that has severe issues with intimacy and abandonment. I just recently met my father after 28 years of not knowing him and I'm learning how to say "I love you" to someone besides my mother... who raised me alone.

Needless to say, my mother raising me alone created some sort of complex that I can't quit define in myself.. but it's destroying me and my outlook on life. I can't seem to understand how people can just live happy. I'm constantly in fear..anxious.. and just down right pessimistic. 

Now before they took over my life and made me fuck up really bad.. I was doing well. Then I got fired and I started getting strung out on pills. I stopped going to school and just worked. Then I met the girl of my dreams.. J.

Now when we first started dating, I told J that I had a problem with pills. She still stuck with me and things were okay... for a year or two. Now I've always believed in bettering yourself with knowledge.. and J had the chance to go to school.. but she flat our refused. Even while I was making enough money that she could've just applied herself to school..she didn't want to. And for the life of me I couldn't understand how someone can now want to better themselves.

Well this is the part that I can't get over. I cheated on J. I did shit that is unforgivable and now that I'm sober... I look back on it and can't fucking believe how disgusting I was. It hurts me... so bad that I feel like I'll never be able to have a real relationship with anyone... ever. 

How do people get over this kind of stuff?

Can you provide a brief overview of the text?
<bot>: I have really bad commitment issues because of growing up.. cheated on wonderful exgf.. don't know how to forgive myself.