<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

This morning I was enjoying a nice lie-in (I say lie-in, it was 9:30) and I hear a loud knock on my front door. Assuming it to be the delivery of a christmas present for my ~~significant other~~ girlfriend I panic and shit myself out of bed and down the stairs, pulling my clothes on en-route. Probably takes me 10 seconds max from the time I hear the knock to getting to the door! (I have a history of missing deliveries and hating myself)

Anyway this impatient bastard has given up on his first-class recorded delivery and isn't at the door when I get there, and I peek out and see him writing one of those "YOU WEREN'T AT HOME" notes in his van. So, instead of heading out and letting him know I'm there I just wait slightly out of sight until he's finished his note and is on his way to post it. He sees me *as he gets to my door* and goes "oh" and stumbles backwards to the van to get my parcel.
<bot>: I made a postman walk to my door and back to his van 3 times and wasted about 5 minutes for him because he wouldn't wait 10 seconds for me to get to the door.