<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

I am 19 years old and female, my boyfriend is 20 years old. We have been together a bit over a year, and are in a very stable, loving relationship, and are extremely compatible. We don't fight too often, never badly, and the only large problem that faces us is my severe depression and anxiety.

Lately I have been feeling like I'm trapped, even though I know I'm not. I keep looking for things in my relationship to dislike (things I have found are petty, eg. He doesn't say he loves me first, he won't initiate sex, he doesn't compliment me as much as he used to) and I know they're only small, but they bother me. Because of these things, I've been looking for attention in other places, smiling at strangers, trying to get them to notice me, look at me, just so I can feel something. I would never cheat on my boyfriend, ever, but I feel like even just doing those little things is betrayal enough, and that's making me hate myself even more.

Due to my depression, I have a history of thinking that my partners are too good for me and I don't deserve them, and this is the case with my SO. Every time I'm in a bad place, I try to push him away, and I think that the things I've been thinking about might be related to that.

Even though I would love advice, I know a lot of people would just tell me to talk to my SO when faced with this problem, but I don't feel comfortable with that right now. I really just want to know if anyone else has ever felt anything like this, and what they've done to help deal with it. Please, anyone. I just want to not feel so alone.
<bot>: I have depression and anxiety, am feeling trapped in a loving relationship which I don't feel I deserve, and have been looking to strangers to make myself feel anything (but not cheating).