<human>: I lost a pregnancy in the beginning of April. By now we would know what we were having. I was due in the end of October beginning of November. This is the second miscarriage I've had, the first time I didn't really understand what I'd lost. Then I had my son who is healthy and amazing He's the only reason I get out of bed anymore. When we found out the baby passed, I was and still am devastated. Some days are much easier than others but recently My cousin came to me and told me she speaks with our deceased grandfather and told me that my baby was a little boy and that he loved me very much. Right after I lost the baby I was so angry that they couldn't tell me what the sex was, I'm not sure why I focused on that but I did. I wanted to name my baby. I didn't think I could with out knowing if it was a boy or a girl. I'm not sure if she really can speak with the dead? I don't know but before she came to me with this information I was doing so much better. I wasn't crying at the drop of a hat, I was getting up cleaning the house, interacting more with people around me. Now I'm back to sleeplessness and crying/ panic attacks. I haven't showered in a week and I'm only taking care of my son. I think this is affecting him, he can tell that mom doesn't feel well. He's been more fussy and agitated. It is breaking my heart that I'm failing him and my husband. I'm failing myself, I feel betrayed in a way. why can't I move past this. I can't afford a therapist. I feel like I can't talk to any of my family about this. None of them has deal with anything like this and when I have tried to talk to them they act like I should be over it. Sorry for the novel

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<bot>: Had a miscarriage and my cousin recently told me that she was told by spirits that my baby was a little boy. Basically feels like I've lost the baby all over again