<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

So this just happened. I was rubbing a generous amount of biofreeze to my bicep when I suddenly needed to piss. Yes I know we have seen this before and yes I completely forgot my hand was lubed up with biofreeze when I decided to piss. Immediately I am like oh crap but atm it didnt feel too bad. Then the burn started and I panicked.

I run for the coldest item to put on my junk to ease the burn. Well I run in my underwear out the back porch and grab a hefty snowball to rub on my Willy wonka and his umpa lumpa (the other umpa lumpa had been previously removed.) Well at that moment I hear my family wondering what I am doing outside with snow in my underpants. I walk inside freezing, feet frozen and my junk still burning but with added freezer burn, and I just grab a beer and go in my room.
<bot>: biofreeze applied while pissing, fill underwear with snow. Burn + freezer burn = most action my junk has gotten in ages. :(