<human>: Condense the text into a few key points

My husband and I have only been married a year come this July. But we've known each other for almost 6 years, but together 3 years (which I guess isn't long compared to others). He came out of a crazy relationship, and I out of an abusive,controlling and unfaithful marriage of 8yrs. Each knowing of our pasts and helping one another from them and growing and learning, and learning to trust again. I would say to love again but its been a whole knew level of emotion, and in comparison, love doesn't even encompass what I feel for him. With our jobs, we've helped anchor each other from what we have to deal with on a daily basis and not become jaded (he a police officer and I a fire medic), I felt could take on life as it comes.  When we first began our journey together and started dating, there were only 2 things that would drive me away and make me collapse emotionally and shell off from all feelings (which I don't want to list, I'm sorry). But as long as we were 100% open with each other, we could make it.

 
The dilemma though now is, he had shut me off and committed one of those 2 things, and it's happened a few times. I was promised it wouldn't occur again, but it did. Now it's to where other things are blamed for it. He's given me the spiel of I'm what he needs and his apologies. But, it has honestly devastated me and it's turned me away from my easy going, happy go luck, horndog, headstrong and driven self, to tearing and picking myself apart emotionally.

I want to move from this, but I'm lost for words bc he didn't trust me to help; and took an extremely selfish and hurtful way out. And I feel it's my fault for not being able to know or that I wasn't worth his trust. Or that I'm the one that is way more emotionally bound than he (when I was completely opposite until we got close). How do I move from this point, with him without losing myself? Because I really do not know how.
<bot>: At start of relationship, I was honest with 2 ultimatums that would devastate me; He's committed 1, quite a few times. How do I move on without losing myself?