<human>: Can you condense the text into three sentences or less?

I've been married for 8 months. We had a few fidelity issues before getting married (he made out with an 18 year old from his work, or at least that is all he admits to), but I forgave him because I was comfortable in our life. I had made more friends being with him than i've had my whole life. 
I was beaten and raped by someone very close to me when I was younger so it has always been very difficult to trust people.
 I haven't been able to tell if I wanted to stay with him because of what he symbolized or because I really do love him. He has been a fuck up but he also has been so supportive without me having to go into details on my past. When I wake up screaming or swinging he asks if I am okay, then holds me until I fall asleep.  
I tried to talk to people about my misgivings about getting married, but the only person who offered a different option was my male friend (He was going to buy me a plane ticket to leave and move some where). I haven't told anyone about my past so they just think I am unhappy because of him. 
Every night I go to bed crying because I can't tell him that I want to leave. He has never done anything to hurt me but I am terrified of the consequences if I do leave.
<bot>: not sure if I want to leave my husband because I don't love him or if it is because I don't know how to stay in a relationship.