<human>: So at work the other morning my employer called for a company wide surprise drug testing session; seeing as how I was not nor have I been under the influence of any substance, either legal or illicit, I was not inconvenienced by this other than I just wanted to get it done so I could get back to my busy day.

As I stand in the men's room I am prepared to relieve myself, however, I had other thoughts on my mind. I cocked (no pun intended), aimed, and fired...directly into the shallow cup.

Instead of beginning the deed and *then* easing the cup under the flow, my stream of waste water ricocheted and sprayed everywhere within the confines of the small urinal containment zone, i.e. the floor, the wall, my shoes, my pants, my shirt, both hands, both arms. The cup caught quite a decent amount until I panicked and during the ensuing kerfuffle I dropped the cup into the urinal. 

After fishing the container as gingerly as possible from the germ trough (and brushing a couple of my bare knuckles against the quite frequently used piss puck.) I was told that I could try again before the day concluded. It's only been an hour since it happened and already the waves of nicknames are rolling in.

Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?
<bot>: Took a seemingly harmless urine test at work, now no one will shake hands with me anymore no matter how much I've already washed my hands.