<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

26/F (me) and 28/M, together 2 years. He is a good man and the first I've ever dated that was marriage-caliber.

I, however, am a fuck-up. I'm employed full-time in a stressful job while also enrolled in a vocational program that consumes another 15-20 hours of my time each week. I have a tendency to take that stress out on him and overreact or blow up over small things.

As my stress level rises, I black out much more easily when drinking (or I'm simply drinking more because I'm stressed.) Last night, I blacked out and said a bunch of horrible, awful things to my boyfriend. I still don't know what I said or did because he won't come home. In one of his texts to me today, he told me I was the definition of terrible.

He makes me happier than anything in the world and I am madly in love with him. I don't know what in the hell would be so fucked up with my brain that I could be capable of saying things so hurtful to him.

I don't know what to say when he does come home to convince him not to leave me. I wish I understood why this happened and why I would do this to him. Why do blackouts happen? Why the hell am I present one minute and then completely apeshit crazydrunk next?

Sorry, I realize this post has a lot of obvious "stop drinking, stop taking it out on your boyfriend" answers. I'm just so scared I had to write it out and hope that maybe someone else has had this problem and can shed some light on what they did.
<bot>: 26/F really mean to great boyfriend when blacked out, horrible human being must figure out how to redeem herself.