<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

Like a genuine TIFU, this happened today. 

So I had come home from college to visit my family, and for my first night home they took me out to get some drinks. Afterwards, we went to a bakery/restaurant to sit down and munch on some pastries and sip some coffee. As we sat down, a few tables over I saw this girl I knew from high school, who I'll refer to as Shirley. I don't know Shirley that well, but one of my best friends, Zack, always had a huge crush on her. By the looks of it, Shirley was out on a date with this pretentious-looking guy whose three-piece silk suit in a casual restaurant and smug resting face set off my internal DoucheDetector®. Imagine an albino Draco Malfoy. (Yes, Malfoy was pretty albino-looking already, but try upping the albino factor for this guy by like ten when you picture him). I began texting Zack, trying to describe this hilarious-looking person for whom the love of his life had now fallen for. Remember those drinks from before? With clouded judgement, I decided I would try to covertly snap a pic of the two with my phone.  I discreetly position myself for the best-angled shot..subjects in range--ready, aim....*FLASH*.  The flash of my camera pierced through the cosy, dim lighting of the restaurant in a blinding ray of regret cast on the two unsuspecting lovers.  I tried to quickly conceal my phone, but the flash brightly slipped through my scrambling fingers. Mortified, I look up to see Malfoy's smug glance, now a baffled-smug glance, and Shirley's baffled glance pointed at me, then each other, then an exchange, though inaudible, that was surely to the effect of, "Fucking creep. Let's leave." And so they did. At least we got a laugh from it:
<bot>: Tried to secretly snap a pic of a couple in a restaurant for a friend and my camera flash gave me away.