<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

I work at a employment service agency, where we faciliate job search. Anyways, this man wanted to attach this to his resume:

" I find myslef in a very troublesome position, how I got into this mess; well , it could be resumed in a very few words but then it would lose the enchatment of reading a fresh yet not original story. Two ideas have to be kept at mind all the time, I am running out of time at a very fast pace, that's to say that if a were a writer I would be one writing without the option of erasing, or recurring to a dictionary. Well written at your first shot: Thart is well thought, analized throughly, while being clear, brief., and swift at the same time. Concise: I'm just married, with two step children, a girl 15 and a boy 12. They dislike me to say the however, you must become my accomplice first, and then trust me with your life for a good short while, if you are to fathrom this essay. Are you mesmerized yet? or just a petit peu intrigued whatever your reasoned pistion, I will advance some steps ahead of this story to approximate you to the untying of this knot-- the conclusion. It takes one to recognize another. Was the epitaph up until two years ago. Calmed waters guided my boat up to two years ago. Myself Dorain Grey, Fernao Magalhanes, Rudyard Kipling rolled up in a corn tortilla dressed up with the spiciest and hottest chili sauce no mithological or ethereal being was ever aloud to smooth transition from from one idea to the aother, and no space whatsoever among clusered letters as to find a line from where to read from between. So, if you are to survive; you are to do as you are told; grab my hand and hold it dear. I won't fail you. that was my life up to two years ago--let go of everything or anything that might distract me from saving you, whoever you were. Thus, here you are if you haven't noticed yet unable to stop reading uncapable of stop wanting to do so."
<bot>: Man wants to attach crazy letter to resume saying he is rolled up in a corn tortilla with Dorian Grey, Fernao Magalhanes and Rudyard Kipling.