<human>: Happened a few days ago. 

So, I'm just using the bathroom. You know, No.2. And you look around to find some toilet paper, and there is none. Well, crap. What am I gunna do now? I knew I couldn't skip the wiping, it was one of those you just couldn't. So I decide to stand up and look around. Maybe there was an extra! I looked in some of the cabinents, and other places, but unfortunatly found nothing. Again, crap. Then I get this funny idea. Maybe there's one in the trash! I waddle over, and to my relief, there is some in there. It's a bit wet, so my first instinct is that is was dropped in the toilet. The first thing I ask to myself is, was there anything in the toilet? Then I remember I saw someone in the house drop one in while walking by to grab a towel, so I assume I am safe. Boy, was I wrong. I use some of the wet toilet paper, and now I'm all clean. Eh, one more wipe will do. Mind you that I used about half the thing doing it. So, I go to grab the paper, and I feel something funny where the roll should be. It was on its side, so I did not see the roll. I flip it upwards and find inside *a used tampon*. I am the kid of the house, and how that is even possible is beyond me. But yup, it was all in there. I try not to blow chunks as I run out of the room, for now I have not just poop up my butt, but period.

Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: I ran out of toilet paper, so I used trash paper from a wrapped tampon. Period blood and urine up my butt..