<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

about three years ago, I met a guy named Dylan who was very similar to me and I fell in love with him immediately. However, we never really spoke openly about our feelings and although it was very hard for me at that time, I decided to move on with my life. I got a boyfriend, one of the kindest, most amazing guys I ever met and I absolutey adored him. We've never been into big fights or had any major troubles, yet I started doubting our relationship two months ago.

 We didn't see each other for about a month because of exams, and when we did, to me it felt like it was just for having sex. Then, right after exams, I left for a holiday and Dylan popped up in my mind again. Thinking I had nothing to gain or to lose, I asked him straight away if he had ever had any feelings for me. He had, and here's where things get messy. I started doubting our relationship even more, thinking why I hadn't asked Dylan earlier. (Im not planning onto leaving my boyfriend) and I could literally feel myself drifting away from my boyfriend.

I thought that, when I would get home, things would get back like they were, but after missing him for two weeks, my boyfriend appeared on my doorstep again, and the hugs and kisses felt so 'empty' and 'meaningless' to me. The comfort that they had given my earlier, was all gone. After some talking and kissing, my boyfriend wanted to have sex again ( can't really blame him), and, truly, it was the WORST sex I ever had. I felt nothing. Completely nothing.

Worst of all is I don't even want to feel that way. I don't want to fall out of love. I don't want to lose my boyfriend, and yet there's a part of me that keeps pushing him away. What do I do about it ? Is there any way I can change the way I feel about him right now ?
<bot>: boyfriend and I didn't see each other for a while, and in the meantime I unintentionally started doubting our relationship. Don't want to lose him and keep pushing him away.