<human>: Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?

Married a woman I felt sorry for because she had lupus, two kids, and had lost her job. Not a good reason to get married, obviously. So around two months ago I gave up, filed for divorce, and at the same time, put in an order to transfer to a smaller apartment. The agreement was that she would sign a Waiver of Service and that would be that.

Fully expecting either her parents to take her in or she would find another job, I didn't think much about it. Fast forward to a week ago, I've finished moving to the new apartment, and she is begging me to let her stay in the new apartment through the summer as no one would take her in and she had been unable to find a job. I begrudgingly let her, still needed that Waiver anyway so keeping her close until I got it didn't seem like a terrible plan. 

It was. 

I go out to happy hour one night after work, and start getting gibberish text messages from her (common when she is having a transient ischemic attack) but I can make out that she wants a doctor and she has lost my dog. Let me preface this by saying since we have been together she has lost my dog a total of 5 times, and by some miracle we've managed to get him back everytime. So I get home, drunk and upset, and slap her on the arm in a "Are you serious, this again?" way, she WAILS like a banshee, and crumples to the ground. Within seconds we are swarmed with neighbors and office staff, and police are called, and I am arrested. Protection order, the works.

Now, this week, she is offering me a "deal" in order to not press charges. Basically, I am completely tapped out, and need help writing up this contract. So long as it looks vaguely legit and the wording is all nice and official like, I think she'll take it and we can go get it notarized. I don't have money to pay an attorney / paralegal to write it up, and while she says she has one to review it, I know she doesn't.
<bot>: So.... who wants to take up the call to write this up, or at least, provide a template? Maybe even just help with wording? Here is what I need in the contract: