<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

As the title states, one of the most glorifying moments of my youth was when I went to Fedex to print a resume, and opened the copy machine to find a fake ID. Hold your horses reddit, you don't just go around finding fake ID's - this might as well have been my ID.

Not only did this girl, let's call her Jane Doe, share my birthday, but she had the same hair color, eye color, height, as me, and her facial features might as well have been my sisters. Not only that, but it was pretty much new and obviously real. I skated back to my apartment and I rejoiced. 

I rejoiced because I had lost my previous ID a couple weeks before. I rejoiced at the sheer luck that had to allow for this to happen. I said a prayer to the lord Jesus and asking him to forgive me, for I was about to put on my party pants and head down to funkytown, with many obstructions of justice and whiskey doubles on the merry way.

Fast forward a few wonderful, stressless, months of bar hopping. I am out with my homie, who we will call Tyson in honor of Mike Tyson. We go out to a couple of spots downtown, nothing crazy, and decide to go to this bar called "The Aquarium." Whatever. 

I show my ID to the bouncer, who is checking it out for an odd period of time, but I am convinced there's nothing wrong with my ID. He looks at me and says, "Are you fucking kidding me? This girl fucking works here." I tried to argue with him and then he said something about them living together, at that point it was over.

Needless to say he took my ID, but I wasn't that mad because the irony of it all startled me.
<bot>: find immaculate fake ID at a Fedex, it gets taken up at a bar because the bouncer lives with the girl whose ID it is