<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

I recently moved and switched my ISP from TWC (total garbage internet) to Verizon Fios. All of mine and my wife's devices worked great except for my two consoles: my Xbox 360 and Xbox One. I tried fiddling around with some network settings and such to no avail, rearranged the furniture to have the consoles closer to the router, and ordered two 15' ethernet cables. The cables showed up yesterday while some buddies were over for our tabletop RPG. I quickly unraveled the two cables, plugged them into the router, and fed one cord into each console's port before jumping back into the game.

Once they left, I powered on the 360 and had nothing but issues. It kept telling me to connect an ethernet wire even though I already had. After switching router ports, testing the cable on my laptop (didn't work), and doing a hard reset of the consoles and modem, I still had nothing to show for my work. The lights were turning on. The laptop detected a cable, but wouldn't connect to it. Why the fuck couldn't I just have some internet? I turned to Google for answers and came up empty-handed. I couldn't figure out if the issue lied with the consoles, the laptop, or the six-week-old internet router.

Two hours later, I accepted defeat. I figured I would at least return the ethernet cables and recover those funds until I diagnosed the issue. I unplugged the ethernet cable from my laptop and gave it a pull to untangle everything. The two wires came apart, and the other end of the laptop wire was going into the back of the entertainment center. I looked down at the other wire, and saw that the cable started in one router port and went straight into another. I was so excited to hook the wires up that I got them tangled up and mixed the plugs. The router was plugged into itself, and the consoles were plugged into each other. Fat load of good that did.

I switched the plugs around. Everything started like a charm, I downloaded the updates, and everything ran smoothly. Not my brightest moment, but figured I would share for a laugh.
<bot>: Bought two ethernet cables, plugged router into itself and consoles into each other, and took almost three hours to figure it out.