<human>: So last night, there I am...At a bar. Having fun with my friends, looking pretty sharp, got the feel goods from some vodka and Red bulls. When suddenly I feel like I have to piss. I get up and glide my way across the bar. Now this bar is kinda small so the walkway is a little tight especially on a packed Friday night. I accidentally bump into this manly chick at the bar who you could tell thought she was hot...(nope) and her uglier boyfriend mistakes it as I'm trying to get her attention...(NOPE).

He gets up from his chair and says "hey buddy, you got a problem?"

"Nope."

"Why are you hitting my girl like that, she's out of your league bro." (lol with her flat tits that and webbed cleavage)

"I'm just trying to piss man I didn't mean it," I say.

He starts walking towards me and I can smell the Pabst blue ribbon on his breath. He gets in my face, meanwhile im holding my dick trying not to leak. He pushes me and that really pissed me off. So I bounce back a little to give myself some space to charge this mother fucker and to make it look like I am a little bitch. Then...I charge. I tackle the fuck out of this guy and just start punching him in the face because I really had to piss and was just trying to get there quick. This of course is making me feel an extreme adrenaline rush from the Red bull and making me feel very dizzy. 

I have this dude pinned down for like 6 seconds and then I feel it. I fucking puke all over this guys face. I don't mean a little bit. [I mean I look like this all over the guys face.](

I keep punching nonetheless. The puke is splashing everywhere and the force from my fists to his face makes it splash all on my new jeans. The poor guy had blood and snot and puke all over him. I don't regret it tho.

Could you distill the essence of the text into 1-3 sentences?
<bot>: Got some drinks in me, had to pee, bumped into ugly girl,  boyfriend comes after me, puke on his face like a waterfall.