<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

TIFU.. Well this one is embarrassing. I'm suffering from a common yeast infection that affects both male and females in their naughty bits. I have a suppressed immune system so I get it more often then most. 
I'm from the UK, and there's a popular treatment you can buy in the supermarkets which contains a cream and an oral pill. 
I moved to the continent a while ago and I don't speak the local language well. I went to the chemist here and asked for the brand (which they had except the name was slightly different), it had 3 pills in the package instead of the single pill I'm used to in the UK, and the pills were a bit bigger than usual. The chemist told me to take one pill in the evening for 3 days... So I did and the "problem" didn't go away, this morning I went to get another pack. I explained what I'd done to the chemist and she looked horrified (I'm impressed she didn't burst out laughing), apparently you don't swallow these pills you're supposed to put them in your.... naughty bits (for a girl, no idea what men are supposed to do). MORTIFIED
<bot>: TIFU by taking a pill orally which is supposed to be taken "intimately" (or whatever the medical term is for that)