<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

Admittedly, I was negligent for a long time and drove my wife to find support from friends and family instead of me.  Now I'm trying to be a better man and repair past damages and hurts.

She befriended a male coworker.  Their relationship has progressed to txting all day, every day; first thing in the morning; late at night, etc.  Sharing hotel rooms on business trips ("to save money"); taking fun tourist excursions together on said trips.  Going out drinking together; meeting away from the office (his apt., restaurants, parks, etc).  Evening hinting to her friends that she's having a physical affair with him.

I call her on all this.  She denies it; says, he's just a friend, nothing more and that she needs friends now.  I tell her how much it bothers me.

Now, when we argue/fight, and she goes to him for comfort afterwards.  She hides her meetings with him; deletes txts; denies everything.  

How long do I go on with this farce?  Am I just supposed to shut up and take it, because I was far from the perfect husband in the past?  How far has she taken it or will she take it?  How can she be trying to improve her marriage and carry on this emotional affair?  

It would be easier if it were strictly separate from us, but the thought of her talking to him, taking his advice about *my* relationship with her is the worst part.  

I'm in pain and at a loss.  I feel like I should give her an ultimatum, but am afraid that she would choose him.  But I can't keep going on like this, with the lies, the cover ups, the denials, etc.

Any advice?
<bot>: wife of 16 yrs won't give up emotional affair with coworker even after being confronted with the hurt it's causing marriage.