<human>: So this just happened about 5 minutes ago and the first thing I could think of, after washing my hands, was to post this!

I came over to my friend from work's house to introduce him to Rick and Morty. It's a great show and I thought it'd be great to smoke a few doobs with this guy, we'll call him, Gerard, and have a good time. 

So we go back to this house, go up to his room (he shares with his girlfriend in a big house, so his room is pretty much a bed with a giant TV), roll up a few joints and crack into season 1. The volume is slightly low though so we start looking for the remote. 

I was lying on the bed with my back against the wall and reached behind my back, blindly down the side of the bed..

A slightly rubbery texture grazed my hand. Convinced it was a button from a remote, I reached down and grabbed it. I was sadly, sadly mistaken. For context, Gerard has already filled me in on his sex life a fair bit and I knew his girlfriend is preeettttyyy freakaaayy. So me finding this big black dildo, was just not OK.

I knew without pulling it out what it was, so instead of saying anything, or pulling it out and flopping it about screaming "DILDO!", I went to the bathroom and washed my hands. I came back in and Gerard was downstairs making tea, so here it is. 
Exactly where I left it.
Butt-plug attachment and all.

Summarize the given text in a few sentences.
<bot>: Tried to find a remote down the side of a bed without looking. Grabbed a big black dildo instead.