<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

This happened yesterday.....

It all started off as a pretty great day..I had the day off work, so was able to wake up late, the sun was out and I had a date that night.

I jump in the shower and when I'm drying myself off, a friend of mine calls and asks if I want to go to the park to hang out for the afternoon. Since my date isn't until 8, I figure it would be a great place to enjoy the sun and agree to meet him and his buddies.
We were just hanging out until one thing led to another and we ended up going to get some beers and one of the dudes pulled a bag of green out of his pocket. 

Fuck Up #1) I proceeded to have a few tokes (not a lot since I didn't want to be lean for my date) and 3 beers.

I decided to call it a day around 5:30 and headed home to get ready for my date..I got a shower, made myself look and smell good and headed out

Fuck Up #2) I forgot to have something to eat..possibly due to feeling a bit fucked up from the daytime drinking and toking, I fully intended to, but flat out forgot.

Anyways, I meet my date at a bar and things are going great. The drinks are flowing and we're in a corner getting cosy and chatting. After a couple of hours, she suggests going outside for a cigarette, so I follow. We're outside talking after our smoke when, out of nowhere, I feel my diaphragm tighten and this putrid, foul stream of unholiness sprays out of my mouth and nose simultaneously. As I hadn't had any prior warning of it's arrival, I hadn't had chance to move my head. When I looked up I saw half of my date's head and her left shoulder covered in my liquefied shame....a mixture of shock and disgust on her face as her eyes burnt into my increasingly ashen face. She went to the bathroom to clean herself up and took off..
<bot>: drank beer and smoked a joint in afternoon, forgot to eat all day, went on date and puked in girl's face