<human>: Can you give me the gist of the text in a nutshell?

I was friends with this girl all throughout high school. We were just too chicken to ask each other out and were always made fun of by our mutual friends for it. We obviously had a huge thing for each other. We started dating after we finished high school, and broke up about 3 months ago when we had separate extended trips planned. She broke up with me. And it sucks, alot, especially since she was my first love and its something I've wanted for years. I just have a few questions about what I should do since I've never been in this situation.

1) I'm not over her. We've both been with other people but really no one compares to her. We hang out occasionally in groups naturally since we've been best friends for close to 6 years, but I feel like this is a situation where I should just not make any contact with her for a while. Is that unreasonable?

2) Looking back, once the initial heartbreak of the break up wore off, I realized she was kind of shit to me. Just in general while we were together where she would manipulate me or make me feel bad, as well as certain instances in the past few months. But something in me still wants to be with her and I can't figure out why. Is that normal? Should I pursue it?

3) Because of the distance we haven't really talked alot. But I feel like we need to have a conversation to figure out where we are. Is it a bad idea for me to initiate something in order for me to get a sense of closure or for me to express how I am feeling to her?

4) Is it wrong to think that she doesn't "deserve" to currently be friends with me or for me to give her emotional support, even though I want to?
<bot>: girl who i've known for 6 years breaks up with me. just too confused and need some answers on how i should proceed.