<human>: Can you condense the text into a few key points?

(Obligatory this actually happened yesterday).
I'm an intern for a company that tries to spread awareness of deforestation and endangered animals by basically being a traveling zoo. We let kids hold cute animals and try to develop empathy. I hate my job because I'm always surrounded by very hippie type people, but one perk is that hot women really like cute animals. We worked an event yesterday and this gorgeous woman walked up and she was enthralled by this koala. I let her hold the koala thinking that it would get me her number or something. The koala gets in her arms and grabs onto her and just stares at her with a gaping open mouth much like that one shocked koala meme. She thinks it's adorable and pets it and I think yes. Good koala. Good wing man. But wait, no. The Koala just stares into her soul with it's dark little black soul less eyes and it takes a massive runny shit all over her. There was shit running from about her belly button all the way down her pant leg. She almost dropped the damn thing and quickly ran away, disgusted.
<bot>: A koala stared into the depths of a woman's soul who I was trying to sleep with and took a poop on her, and my chances.