<human>: Give me a shortened version of the text

This actually happened today, do I get bonus points for that?

So the mailbox had been left unattended for a few days, and no one seemed to want to get off of their ass and get it. Finally I decided that enough was enough, time to get the mail.

With a small box in tow so that I wouldn't drop anything on the return trip, I began taking various letters and magazines out.

I lifted up a stack of envelopes to discover ants. *Fucking ants!* 

Hundreds of the little bastards were now crawling around the inside of my mailbox. I dropped the magazine I was carrying, and it landed in the box I was carrying the mail with. 

*They were all over my hand.*

Brushing them off I proceeded to run away. I got a pair of gloves, threw the infected mail away (I saved the important items, one FU averted) and sprayed the shit out the mailbox with some ant killer I found in the back of a closet. I am now curled up in a ball on the couch trying to recover.
<bot>: Opened a mailbox, found some ants. Some ants became more ants. I put Sir Robin to shame with how quickly I turned around and fled.