<human>: Can you give me a shortened version of the text?

So we have been renovating our back yard and ran out of large river rocks we were using to construct our dry creek bed.  I had the bright idea of finding some random ones stacked along the river behind warehouses that I could thief and take home.   After searching a few roads I found the ones I wanted right behind a warehouse.  I scoped my surroundings and saw that no one was around. I found a suitable 80lb rock, got my hands under it and lifted when BAM!!!   Poop everywhere.   A gooey mess all over the inside of my boxers now forced me to sit with my pants down in my car wiping my ass and then driving home with my pants around my ankles to shower and get back to work 30 minutes late.
<bot>: I went to steal a rock from the back of a warehouse and consequently shit my pants forcing me to be late back from my lunch break.