<human>: Spare some advice for the poor? Anyone spare some advice for the poor?
A little background: Our intimate relationship began after his girlfriend-at-the-time admitted to heavily and consistently cheating on him and after some alcohol on both our parts we bumped nasties and I lost my V-Card to him, my close friend. Before anyone yells at me, I know cheating in any context isn't cool, and I'm reaping what I've sown in terms of fidelity anxiety.
The Issue: I feel like our whole relationship was built on sex and the fact that I don't really enjoy it and can't tell him makes me defective. At first sex just plain hurt (he was my first and I thought pain and bleeding was normal), but I mostly withheld that from him and insisted we keep going because I thought that's what he wanted from me and how I was valuable to him. Now that we are in a committed public relationship, I know I should tell him what I actually want from our encounters- more foreplay, more kissing, orgasms- but I can't. When I try to I feel ridiculous and needy and tell him to just forget I said anything, like "psexyproblems, don't be stupid; you can just take care of yourself later with your vibrator" Another issue that doesn't help my plight is my use of my vibrator during sex. I just got one and it's worked wonders for me, but he hates it and every time I try to incorporate it into our sex it feels unnatural because I know how strongly he disapproves of it even though I can't get off any other way; at the same time he looks disparagingly on my masturbating. But he so rarely initiates sex and I'm afraid to scare him away by using it to pleasure myself! I don't know what to do. Every time we make sex I feel empty and mad at myself for letting him make me feel that way. 
The raging feminist inside me wants me to stick up for myself, but the socially awkward ginger freckle-monster me doesn't think I'm worth this great guy and that I shouldn't rock the sex boat. 
Can someone please tell me how to handle this?

Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell
<bot>: I've been with my boyfriend for about a year, but I still can't tell him how I want to have sex and that isn't good.