<human>: Give me the gist of the text in a nutshell

This story is a couple years old now but I remember it like it was last night--one summer, my buddy and I were living on his grandparents' property, which was an apple orchard we both worked on. 

One night we got drunk and I woke up in a state of badly failing plight. The whole bit, puked immediately and repeatedly and unexpectedly and so in different places, unable to move/speak coherently, ass on fire, head flattened, etc. I was sitting in front of a laptop doing something when a small and unheralded fart feebly escaped my ass. Instantly my leg was soaked with greasy stool seepage. The shame and dismay I felt were immediate and tremendous. I gathered myself up and crab crawled, so like on all fours but upside down, with my ass hanging toward the ground, toward the nearest door. 

Once outside (we lived rurally), I stripped off my pants, threw them aside as far as I could and took a breath of fresh air. Aah! Then I looked up. I was standing in the front yard of our house, with traffic whizzing merrily past both ways. I had been wearing only the pair of pants (which actually were my favorite pants), and so was now standing completely nude with orange runny shit all over my legs in broad daylight in public on a weekday. 

I gathered up my pants and that was it--until later, I came home to find that my friend's grandma had been generous enough to run a load of laundry for us while we were at work--a load of laundry which, to my horror, included the pants in question. I could never look at her quite the same...
<bot>: I shat my pants, stripped naked in public to get rid of the pants, and my friend's grandmother ended up washing them.