<human>: So this happened today, (bonus points?) And I'm not too proud of it.

To start things off my gf and I were cuddling up watching the tele, kissing, and all that jazz. She had been over for about 4 hours, and we were just about to end the night when she started rubbing her eye and pretending nothing was wrong. I, being a concerned bf, asked her if her eyes were feeling alright, because I knew she had just bought a pair of contacts the day before. She told me that she was alright, and that her contacts were just out of focus and blurry, so I asked if she wanted to fix them right away and she said no to that too. 

Fast forward to two hours later, I'm getting out of my car at Tim Hortons to buy some coffee and doughnuts when I check my phone to see 5 notifications. I look at them and see that she could only find one of her contacts, and that she thought the other one was still at my place. So I grab my food and head back in a hurry, run upstairs and start ripping the place apart. I couldn't find the damn thing anywhere on the floor, and then I looked up. There it was, the little glossy bastard was stuck to the motherfucking wall. 

How the fuck does something that's supposed to stay in your eyes get stuck to the fucking wall?? 

Anyway, so I figure that if I poke it from the side it would just fall right off into my hand, and then I could bring it back to her and all would be well. Nope. The contact decided that my poke was equivalent to a falcon punch and shattered. The lil' bitch broke into two pieces from a gentle poke. 

So I told her what happened and now she's mad at herself (and probably at me) if anybody has any creative ways to deal with this I'm all ears, I offered to pay for a replacement but I was denied.

Give me a shortened version of the text
<bot>: poked a contact that wanted to be a wall climbing spiderman, ended up breaking it and now my gf is pissed.