nation<u+2019>s optimists need to shut the fuck up right now close vol 52 issue 44 <u+00b7> politics <u+00b7> politicians <u+00b7> election 2016 




washington<u+2014>saying their rosy attitude about the state of the election was not helping anything given what is currently transpiring, sources confirmed tuesday night that the nation<u+2019>s optimists need to seriously shut the fuck up as soon as humanly fucking possible. <u+201c>sure, things may look bad right now, but even if the worst happens, it<u+2019>s only four years we<u+2019>re talking about here,<u+201d> said santa fe, nm resident pete mirenge, one of hundreds of thousands of positive thinkers across the nation who would do everyone a huge goddamn favor by closing their fucking traps right this fucking second and keeping them sealed for the foreseeable future. <u+201c>this is exactly why we have a system of checks and balances<u+2014>to ensure that whatever happens in the election, the executive branch never gets too much power. think about it: has any president been able to carry out their platform to the letter? no. nothing<u+2019>s ever as bad as it seems, believe me.<u+201d> according to sources, a calm and composed mirenge<u+2014>who reportedly has about five seconds before his mouth is shut for him<u+2014>then added that the country<u+2019>s been through much worse and everything turned out okay. share this story: watch video from the onion sign up for the onion's newsletter 




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