aries 21 march <u+2013> 20 april 




look at that stupid baby, smiling. yeah get a job and a mortgage and tell us how much you smile then, kid. taurus 21 april <u+2013> 21 may 




you wait around after the credits of schindler<u+2019>s list, but there<u+2019>s nothing. no gag, nothing setting up the next movie, nada. gemini may 21 <u+2013> june 20 




you put humpty dumpty back together again. it wasn<u+2019>t such a big deal. you wonder what sort of morons the king<u+2019>s men were. cancer 




just like your iphone charger, you work if held at just the right angle. leo july 23 <u+2013> august 22 




leo, like leo dicaprio. without the money, talent, fame, and beautiful girls. and indeed anything else, the similarities more or less end with leo. virgo august 23 <u+2013> september 22 




you discover you are too big for your big coat. wow, you really enjoyed this year, didn<u+2019>t you? fair play. libra september 23 <u+2013> october 22 




you shouldn<u+2019>t have yelled so loud at that guard but it just felt s good. scorpio october 23 <u+2013> november 21 




you<u+2019>ve a load of bangers left over from halloween. like what the fuck are you supposed to do with them now? sagittarius november 22 <u+2013> december 21 




you suffer a sick burn, but luckily you get rushed to the sick burns unit on time. capricorn 




5 retweets, wow, we<u+2019>ll book your place on the ellen show right now. aquarius january 20 <u+2013> february 18 




you agree to bake as many gay wedding cakes as people want. shit, at 400 quid a pop, you<u+2019>ll bake a hitler cake. pisces february 19 <u+2013> march 20
wwn<u+2019>s horoscopes
gerry mcbride