tuesday 22 november 2016 by mark maguire kanye west rushed to hospital with suspected <u+2018>dislocated ego<u+2019> 




rap <u+2018>legend<u+2019> kanye west is this evening undergoing emergency treatment for a suspected dislocated ego, suffered while talking to himself in the mirror. 




the self-loving 39-year-old was rushed to hospital after a member of his entourage noticed worrying signs that the usually conceited front-man was not his normal vanity-obsessed self. 




they told reporters, <u+201c>one minute everything seemed fine, and he was swaggering around the place looking down his nose at all the rest of us, like normal. 




<u+201c>then, what seemed like just seconds later, he was stood at the side of the room, shoulders slumped, displaying some frankly worrying signs of genuine humility. 




<u+201c>i asked him he was ok, but all he could say was, <u+2018>the life of pablo <u+2013> that album is just a load of old self-indulgent horseshit, isn<u+2019>t it?<u+2019>. i<u+2019>m not afraid to admit that at that moment, i was terrified.<u+201d> 




<u+201c>it soon became a race to see how quickly we could reach the emergency services and get him some treatment before the ego suffered permanent damage.<u+201d> 




the star<u+2019>s support staff reacted swiftly, with an on-site emergency first-aider ensuring kanye received some much needed mouth-to-ear ego stroking. 




one witness explained, <u+201c>i think that first-aid saved his ego to be honest <u+2013> they just seemed to instinctively know how to react, and the right thing to say. thankfully the paramedics arrived after just a few minutes. 




<u+201c>they brought all this incredible equipment and spent about fifteen minutes applying emergency ego-massage, while the rest of us just looked on in horror. 




<u+201c>fortunately they managed to stabilise him so that they could get him to the hospital, but they continued the ego-massage as they loaded him into the ambulance. 




<u+201c>the last thing i heard them say was, <u+2018>you<u+2019>re amazing kanye, and the college dropout is the best album of the last twenty years, and that<u+2019>s absolutely all down to you, and you alone<u+2019>.<u+201d> 




kanye was rushed to a specialist <u+2018>ego hospital<u+2019> in beverly hills and underwent a complex eight-hour surgery to re-locate the ego, which doctors have declared a complete success. 




a hospital spokesperson confirmed that his recuperation could take up to eight weeks, but that he would likely make a full recovery and should return to his previous levels of brazen egotism. get the best newsthump stories in your mailbox every friday, for free! there are currently witterings below - why not add your own?
kanye west rushed to hospital with suspected <u+2018>dislocated ego<u+2019>
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