october 28, 2016 




following the revelation that printers, blacksmiths, cigar pen makers and even quilt rack makers have joined bakers, butchers and cheese makers in using the term <u+2018>artisan<u+2019>, experts have ruled that absolutely anyone is free to claim to be one. the only conditions are that they have to be unemployed marketing graduates and are not funneling over a thousand tonnes a day of cement powder and cows<u+2019> vaginas into a mixer and hoping for the best. 




<u+2018>artisan is a coffee-focused, fun-loving space that flirts with pushing design boundaries,<u+2019> said jason mckillop, owner of the artisan caf<u+00e9> in stamford brook. <u+2018>our baristas treat each cup like a fine chef does a meal, taking pride and time to ensure each coffee is flawless. we continuously adjust the grind to allow for changes in the atmosphere <u+2013> yeah, yeah, all right, it<u+2019>s a caf<u+00e9> but we need a reason to charge <u+00a3>4 for a cup of coffee, don<u+2019>t we?<u+2019> 




the trend has been welcomed by easily impressed simpletons with unaccountably well-paid jobs. <u+2018>i like to know that <u+201c>fire is at the literal heart of artisan; handmade, rustic dishes served straight from the flames<u+201d>,<u+2019> said manchester-based bell end thomas lee-enderby of his favourite new restaurant. <u+2018>that means they are preparing and cooking the food, right? i also like the bar which <u+201c>serves handcrafted cocktails alongside cherry picked beers, wines and spirits<u+201d> because i can<u+2019>t stand cocktails made by robots.<u+2019> 




meanwhile, after learning that a nearby artisan chocolatier <u+2018>metamorphoses the finest cocoa in a myriad of chocolate shapes and flavours to surprise and satisfy all cravings and occasions<u+2019>, while an artisan supplier of flush-mount wedding albums has made them <u+2018>insanely affordable for everyone and every day<u+2019>, keith rogers from leamington spa has copied and pasted from some websites and declared himself to be britain<u+2019>s first artisan supplier of spare parts and accessories for photocopiers. 




<u+2018>i use parts sourced from lovingly crafted polypropylene of an unmatched quality adhering to a real artisan standard,<u+2019> rogers said. <u+2018>by selecting only the finest toners, dyed to a rich black hue using locally sourced carbon black from south wales, i am delivering a copier more complex in taste and variety for a more satisfying customer experience. will that do? now you can resume photocopying your own arses on it.<u+2019> oxbridge (ht spartacus)
everyone now officially an artisan
oxbridge