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List of Still Game episodes
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The following is an episode list for Still Game. The first series began on 6 September 2002 and its seventh series started on BBC One on 7 October 2016.
In the first three series, the episode titles were all Scots words that were related to the episode. This was changed to standard English titles for Series 4 so that the national audiences could understand the titles.[1]
Contents
[hide]
1 Series overview
2 Episode list
2.1 Series 1 (2002)
2.2 Series 2 (2003)
2.3 Series 3 (2004)
2.4 Series 4 (2005)
2.5 Christmas Special (2005)
2.6 Series 5 (2006)
2.7 Hogmanay Special (2006)
2.8 Series 6 (2007)
2.9 Christmas Special (2007)
2.10 Hogmanay Special (2007)
2.11 Live At The Hydro (2014)
2.12 Children In Need Special (2014)
2.13 The Story So Far (2014)
2.14 Series 7 (2016)
3 Notes
4 References
5 External links
Series overview[edit]
Series
Airdates
Channel
Series 1 6 September 2002 – 11 October 2002 BBC One Scotland
Series 2 28 March 2003 – 23 May 2003
10 July 2008 – 4 September 2008 BBC One Scotland
BBC Two
Series 3 7 May 2004 – 11 June 2004 BBC One Scotland
Series 4 22 July 2015 – 26 August 2005 BBC Two
2005 Christmas Special 28 December 2005 BBC One
Series 5 19 June 2006 – 24 July 2006 BBC Two
2006 Hogmanay Special 31 December 2006
1 January 2007 BBC One Scotland
BBC Two
Series 6 12 July 2007 – 23 August 2007 BBC Two
2007 Christmas Special 23 December 2007
28 December 2007 BBC One Scotland
BBC Two
2007 Hogmanay Special 31 December 2007
2 January 2008 BBC One Scotland
BBC Two
2014 Live at the Hydro 7 November 2014 BBC One Scotland
BBC Two
Children In Need Special 2014 15 November 2014 BBC One Scotland
Still Game: The Story So Far 31 December 2014 BBC One Scotland
Series 7 7 October 2016 - 11 November 2016 BBC One
Episode list[edit]
Series 1 (2002)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Writers
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
1
1 "Flittin'" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 6 September 2002 (2002-09-06) 3.18
Jack has become increasingly annoyed with his disruptive neighbours. He takes a walk with Victor to their local pub, the Clansman, as they complain about their run-down Glasgow neighbourhood, Craiglang. On the way, Jack attempts to persuade Victor to let Jack move into his spare room, an idea which Victor is strongly opposed to. However, the pair hear from Isa (who lives on the same floor as Victor in the Osprey Heights tenements) that the owner of the flat next to Victor's, old man Hannigan, has just died. Jack immediately latches onto the idea of moving into the flat, and, under the guise of being mourners at Hannigan's wake, he and Victor examine it, managing to embarrass themselves hugely in the process. Reasonably pleased with what he has seen, Jack makes plans to move into the flat. However, the beat-up removals lorry cheaply arranged to move Jack's furniture, bursts into flames shortly after setting off on the journey to Osprey Heights, destroying all of Jack's belongings. Meanwhile, Winston is trying to train his grandson, Joe, for a boxing match. Despite Joe's short, scrawny build and obvious lack of talent for the sport, Winston keeps pushing him, much to the annoyance of everyone else, who clearly see that there is nothing in it. During the fight (shown in a brief post-credits sequence), Joe is flattened within seconds.
Notes: There are several comments made in this episode that counteract developments later in the series. Victor states that his son in Johannesburg is named Jamie (in all other episodes his son is called John). He also refers to Jack as being 74 years old, while all later mentions of Jack's age have him at 72. Boaby the Barman also implies that he has a family in this episode, though every other episode but "Faimly" (in which he is said to have a wife) strongly imply that he is single and has no children.
Guest Starring Gordon McCorkell, Finlay McLean, Alex Robertson & Richard Mark
2
2 "Faimly" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 27 September 2002 (2002-09-27) 3.16
Victor receives a message on his answering machine from his son, John, who states that he will be in the UK with his wife and children and will make a detour to Scotland to see Victor. However, Victor struggles to make out the time his son will be arriving at the train station, due to a large amount of background noise. He and Jack take the tape to their neighbour Shug, so nicknamed for his incredibly large ears ("lug" being the Scots word for "ear"). Shug is an expert with electronics, though he has an irritating habit of launching into long stories about his spell in the army. He promises to find out when John is arriving. In the Clansman, Victor reflects on his history with his son. John has apparently often told Victor that he would visit him, and then not turned up. This is interrupted by Shug, who hands Victor the tape, and says that he is certain that John's train will be arriving at 2:30 PM. Despite this, Jack and Victor go to the train station at 10:00 AM. After growing more and more bored waiting, the pair fall asleep at two, only waking up at 4:30 PM. Horrified, Victor frantically leaves the station with Jack. As they approach Victor's flat, they hear voices coming from inside. An overjoyed Victor thinks it's his son's family, but is disappointed to find Winston and Isa. Winston was injured after fighting with Peggy McAlpine over gigot chops at the butcher's, breaking his arm. Thoroughly angry that Jack and Victor neglected him during the hospital's visiting hour, Winston was let into Victor's flat by Isa, who had been cleaning for him. Victor decides to put the day's incident behind him, and he and the others eat the desserts that he had prepared for his family.
Notes: This is the first time that Victor has called his son "John." As "Jack" is a common nickname for men named "John," it seems likely that Victor's son was named after Jack. John is Victor's only known child. All of the episodes in Still Game's first series, bar "Flittin'," were broadcast in the incorrect order when they first aired on the BBC. Though intended to be second, this was in fact the fourth episode of the show that many viewers saw. Victor breaks the fourth wall by saying "welcome" directly at the camera as he and Jack enter his flat. The characters never break the fourth wall again, making it rather jarring upon rewatchings.
Guest Starring: Billy Boyd, Jackie Farrell, Carolyn Conrad & Billy Riddoch
3
3 "Cauld" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 13 September 2002 (2002-09-13) 3.72
It is the heart of the winter, and Craiglang is experiencing a brutal cold snap. Jack is meaning to bring his friend Wullie Napier a loaf of bread that he'd promised him. He and Victor go to Wullie's floor and find his flat unlocked, dark, and cold. Upon entering, they find Wullie sitting on his sofa, dead. After being initially frightened, Jack and Victor try to call Wullie's son using his phone, but find the line dead. After leaving the bread in Wullie's motionless arms, Jack and Victor proceed to ask his grubby, hostile neighbour Frankie (frequently referred to as "Manky Frankie") to use his phone. After Jack begins rambling about unrelated matters to Wullie's son over the phone, an annoyed Victor bluntly tells him the bad news and hangs up. At the Clansman, Jack and Victor are horrified to find that there is an ongoing bet on who will die next from the cold. The pair then go to visit Winston. Stunned at how warm his flat is, Victor and Jack inquire as to Winston's secret. Winston reveals that he has tampered with his meter to allow him to use electricity without having to pay for it. Jack is interested, but, ever-honest, Victor convinces him that it is morally wrong. The pair visit many locations around the town, including Navid's shop, the Bookies, and the local cafe, finding all of them unusually warm. After the pair confront Winston for this, he and Tam reveal that Victor and Jack are both good money in the death bet for not taking free electricity. Jack is convinced and sides with Winston and Tam. This infuriates Victor, now one of the only pensioners with a cold flat. Victor becomes belligerent towards Jack, Winston, and Tam, and is stunned to find that it is even hot in the church at Wullie's funeral. That night, as Victor is shivering in bed while still dressed in winter clothes, Jack and Winston knock at his door. Victor finally softens up and takes the joins the illicit power-stealing scheme. Unfortunately, all of his subsequent electricity usage plunges the rest of Craiglang into darkness.
Notes: Wullie Napier is the first of three minor characters with that name to crop up in Still Game. The second is Wullie MacIntosh, introduced in the Series 1 episode "Waddin." He also had a brief appearance in the Series 3 episode "Swottin." The actor who played him died shortly afterward, so Wullie MacIntosh never appeared again. He was distinguished by a large purple birthmark on his forehead, as well as his habit of borrowing things and not giving them back. The third Wullie, Wullie Reid, appeared in the "Kill Wullie" in Series 4. A bit of a womanizer, Wullie Reid began a relationship with a significantly younger woman.
This episode marks the first major appearance of series regulars, Eric and Pete the Jakey. Manky Frankie is also introduced, though he only appeared in one more episode. In the original, incorrect BBC broadcast, this episode ran second.
Guest Starring: Stevie Allen, Finlay McLean & James O'Hara
4
4 "Courtin'" Ford Kiernan, Greg Hemphill & Paul Riley 20 September 2002 (2002-09-20) N/A
Jack and Victor go to the local charity shop in town. While Victor playfully attempts to chat up Barbara, the volunteer, Jack stares silently at the ground. Sensing that all is not well, Victor takes Jack aside and asks him what the matter is. It transpires that Jack has a crush on Barbara. Victor encourages Jack to ask her out, but Jack gets cold feet and sprints out of the shop. Later, at Jack's flat, Victor asks him what happened. Jack reveals that he is nervous about asking another woman out, out of respect to his own late wife. Victor again encourages Jack, telling him that he has mourned enough. The next day, Jack successfully asks Barbara out and manages to set up a double date of sorts, with Victor meeting Barbara's sister, Edith. The date goes well for Jack, but Victor is horrified to find that Edith is, in fact a diminutive, stocky, mole-covered woman with a butch, gravelly voice. After this, Jack begins spending more and more time with Barbara, ignoring Victor, who steadily grows more and more jealous and skeptical of the relationship. His skepticism turns out to be well-founded, as Isa informs Victor that Barbara has a husband. Victor confronts Barbara, who admits that her husband has no idea of her relationship with Jack. At that moment, Jack bursts into the charity shop and invites both Barbara and Victor over for dinner. Both Victor and Barbara reluctantly accept. Later, at his flat, Jack receives a phone call from Barbara, explaining why she cannot see him any more. Jack decides to put the whole thing behind him, and he and Victor split the third steak intended for her. In a more light-hearted subplot, Winston gets barred from the Clansman by Bobby for obnoxiously rejecting a pint of lager. Winston resorts first to hanging out with a group of local neds. He then tries another local pub, Broon's (renamed "The Thirsty Laird"), which he had not been in for twenty years, as it had a reputation for violence. Initially impressed by the pub's reinvention of itself, Winston hastily leaves when a hooded figure enters and shoots a middle-aged man playing at the pool table. Outside the window, Winston asks Bobby how he can get back into the Clansman, and Bobby says that he must apologise. Refusing, Winston disguises himself by wearing a false moustache, trench-coat, and hat. Bobby instantly sees through Winston's disguise, but decides to let him back in anyway.
Notes: It is not clear why Winston is shown removing his glasses after revealing his disguise--in all other appearances, he is shown wearing them.
Victor states that his wife has been dead two years longer than Jack's. However, in the second series' episode "Brief," it is shown on the gravestones that Victor's wife died in 1993, while Jack's died in 1991. It is unclear which set of dates is correct.
This was Barbara's only appearance in Still Game. Her famously unattractive sister, Edith, later appeared in the Series 3 episode "Swottin" and the Series 6 episode "Hot Seat," as well as the Christmas special "A Plum Number."
This episode was broadcast third in the original run of the show.
Guest Starring: Eileen McCallum, Maureen Carr and Noddy Davidson
5
5 "Waddin" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 11 October 2002 (2002-10-11) 3.44
Navid's daughter is getting married, so he begins to hand out wedding invitations to certain customers in his shop. Many of the pensioners are keen on attending, and begin to go to great lengths to get invitations. Meanwhile, Jack is annoying Victor by endlessly chattering about a toaster that he wants to buy. The pair decide to go out, where they find Winston, who tells them that Wullie MacIntosh, an old acquaintance, has just died. After talking among themselves, it transpires that Wullie had a habit of borrowing things and not giving them back. Victor, Jack, and Winston, along with Tam, decide to let themselves into Wullie's house and reclaim their long-lost items. After talking to more friends at Wullie's funeral, the four realise that Wullie's borrowing problem was much worse than it originally seemed--most of the pensioners had loaned Wullie items that he had failed to return. Winston takes back a painting of the Taj Mahal which he says he will give to Navid, thus guaranteeing him an invitation to the wedding. Many of the other customers of Navid's shop also begin receiving invitations at around this time, including Isa. Jack and Victor go to Navid's shop, hoping for invitations, but Navid only gives them a newspaper. Frustrated, the two go to the Clansman, only to find that the majority of the customers have invitations. They are particularly hurt when they find out that Bobby has an invitation. Peggy McAlpine then pretends to offer Jack and Victor the invitations she and her husband Charlie had received, only revealing the deception after the pair reluctantly accept. Jack and Victor are laughed at by the entire pub, at which point, furious and hurt, the pair begin to storm out. Suddenly, an invitation with Victor's name on it drops from the paper Navid had given them. Nearly fainting with happiness, Victor fails to notice Jack dejectedly leaving the pub. Just then, Pete the Jakey walks in, clutching an invitation and claiming that he is going to go to the wedding. Skeptical, Jack looks at Pete's invitation and sees his own name. Realising that the invitation must have fallen out of the newspaper, he joins Victor in celebration. Later, at the wedding, Victor and Jack are horrified to find out that there is no alcohol due to Navid's family being Muslim. However, they are cheered up due to the fact that Winston has worn a kilt with drinks hidden underneath. Meanwhile, it turns out that Wullie MacIntosh is in fact, still alive, and that he had been in hospital next to a person that had the same name as him. Dejectedly, Wullie enters the Clansman and tells Victor, Jack, Tam, and Winston that his house has been robbed. To compensate, Victor gleefully hands Wullie Jack's newly-purchased toaster, which Jack had once again been annoying everyone with.
Notes: The dimwitted and lazy but well-intentioned postman, Chris (aka "Chris the postie"), makes his debut in this episode.
The scene at Wullie's house after his "death" can be found in a variation in Chewin' the Fat, in a sketch where the characters who would go on to be leads in Still Game sing a song about lines of milk bottles and papers stuffed in a mailbox. An even earlier version of the gag can be found in the earlier sketch show Pulp Video, which starred Ford Kiernan, Greg Hemphill, Gavin Mitchell, and Jane McCarry, among others.
This episode ran last in the original broadcast.
Guest Starring: Johnny Irvine & Donald Cameron
6
6 "Scones" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 4 October 2002 (2002-10-04) 3.81
Jack and Victor attend a local film screening. Their enjoyment of the film, however, is disrupted by a couple sitting in front of them who are loudly referencing actors and other films as well as arguing over sandwich fillings. Frustrated, Jack and Victor ask for a refund (which they only get after much nagging and various personal insults to the ticket salesman, Simon). On their way out of the cinema, they bump into Tam. When Tam is asked why he is even going to see a film, an activity which he normally doesn't care for, he responds that he has won free access to the cinema for a year--snacks included--by entering a competition. Annoyed at Tam's boasts, Victor and Jack decide that they will try to beat him at his own game. They ask Navid about any upcoming contests. Navid tells them that there is currently a contest for coming up with a slogan for scones. He also reveals that Tam has bought his entire stock of scones to maximise his chances of winning, greatly irritating Jack and Victor, who are reduced to buying the last remaining packages from another shop. Unfortunately, Jack and Victor do not demonstrate a great ability to come up with catchy slogans in twenty words or less, with Jack being particularly bad at it (his tendency to ramble does not do the pair any favours). Tam, much to Jack's and Victor's disappointment, wins the competition with his entry "S'gone!" The pair complain to Navid, who makes matters worse by telling them that their own entry, "Sconnae no dae that," is stale. Jack and Victor decide to admit defeat. Meanwhile, Winston runs into financial trouble when his pension is stopped due to several months' worth of unlawful benefit claims. Horror-struck, Winston first tries to salvage his remaining money by betting at the bookies. After losing, Winston tries to buy a pint by paying Bobby with glass bottles. He responds belligerently when Bobby tells him that he doesn't take bottles, leading Bobby to throw him out. As a last resort, Winston takes the only thing he can get for free--a tin of cat food from Navid's. However, he soon discovers that the cat food tin has a £500 prize on it. Crisis averted, Winston goes back to his old way of life. Meanwhile, Harry, Isa's estranged husband, has returned after a long absence. Eager to take him back, Harry takes advantage of Isa's good nature, while skirting questions about where he has been. Harry gets a decidedly hostile reception from the other pensioners, who make it clear that he is not welcome in the community after the way he hurt Isa. Eventually, Jack, Victor, and Winston find Isa sitting tearfully in a cafe, who reveals that Harry told her he was going to use the bathroom half an hour previously and never came back, and that her wallet is missing. Harry gets a painful surprise when Jack and Victor find him stuck in the bathroom window after a failed escape attempt.
Notes: This episode ran fifth in the original broadcast.
"Scones" marks the first appearance of Harry, Isa's philandering husband. Harry reappeared in Series 2's "Dug" and in a flashback in the Hogmanay special "The Party." In the Series 6 episode "Hot Seat," it is revealed that Harry has died. The actor who played him, Ronnie Letham, died in 2008.
"Sconnae no dae that," Jack's and Victor's failed slogan entry, is a reference to the famous "Gonnae no dae that" running gag from Ford Kiernan's and Greg Hemphill's earlier sketch show, Chewin' the Fat, of which Still Game is a spinoff.
Guest Starring Bill Murdoch, James Weir & Ronnie Letham
Early series of the show featured short sound clips whenever an establishing shot of Osprey Heights (the building Jack, Victor, Winston, Tam, and Isa live in) occurred. These included Jack and Victor sighing contentedly and one of the two saying "Is that you?" with the other replying "Oh, aye, that's me." Arguably the most common was one where Jack and Victor hummed a song ("Hurdy gurdy gurdy, in the windae boxes"). These decreased in frequency after the first couple of series, and were discontinued altogether by the fourth series.
Series 2 (2003)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Writers
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
7
1 "Gairden" Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill 28 March 2003 (2003-03-28) 2.88
Isa is sitting in Glasgow's George Square with a friend. She comments on how much she enjoys sitting in the square and enjoying the atmosphere, but is interrupted by a yelling from behind her. It turns out that there is a man behind her, jumping around and screaming in his underwear, while being restrained by the police. Meanwhile, Jack and Victor are eating lunch in a local park. Contrasting Isa's previous comments, the two comment that they hate the park due to it being litter-strewn and unkempt. These sentiments are only worsened when Jack realises that he has dog dirt on his shoe. Two neds with a Rottweiler come walking along the path to the bench that Jack and Victor are sitting on. One ned orders the dog to sit right between Victor's legs. The dog then defecates at Victor's feet and proceeds to eat Jack's sandwich. After rudely interrogating Jack and Victor as to whether they think that the neds should clean up the dog dirt, they leave. Victor and Jack decide not to return to the park. Meanwhile, Isa sees Tam bringing potted plants into Osprey Heights. She questions Tam, but he will not give a reason for why he is carrying them. Later, Jack and Victor witness Winston with a plant. After they inquire about it, Winston says that he can't tell them for fear of Isa finding out. Jack and Victor also hear that their old acquaintance, Ronnie (the man in George Square), has been admitted to an asylum. Ronnie had been a contestant on BBC's Mastermind, with his chosen subject of World War II, but answered a question he knew the answer to incorrectly, causing him to lose the competition and having an extreme negative effect on his confidence. Jack and Victor decide to go and visit Ronnie, where they realise that nothing is really wrong with him--he just had one "funny turn." The pair pretend to be his brothers to sign him out of the asylum. Meanwhile, Isa is furious at not knowing what the reason behind the potted plants are. Winston reluctantly agrees to show her (after Isa blackmails him by threatening to call the council), but on the condition that she does not tell anybody. Isa promises, but immediately after Winston shows her, she runs off to tell everyone. This causes Winston to go to extreme lengths to restrain Isa, much to her annoyance. Finally, the secret project is declared finished, and Jack and Victor, among others, are treated to a new park on the roof of Osprey Heights that is ned-free. Everybody is overjoyed with the park, particularly Ronnie, who, unfortunately, is shouting with glee, once again in only his underwear. Later, while enjoying the park, Jack, Victor, and Winston are horrified to see that the two neds from the old run-down park have found their way up to the top of Osprey Heights, and have brought their "devil dug", intending to make it their new hangout. Winston angrily tells them to leave the park alone, brandishing a large stick. One of the neds grabs the stick and throws it over the edge of the roof, which the dog promptly chases after and falls over twenty storeys to its death. The neds are mortified.
Notes: This episode marks the introduction of an updated title sequence. The concept is still the same (Jack and Victor ageing from boys to old men) but several of their "stages" of life have been changed to reflect the culture of the time periods (Elvis-like hairstyles in the 1950s and turtlenecks and long hair in the 1960s).
Mary Riggans, who played Isa's friend Sadie in this episode, also starred in the popular CBeebies programme Balamory. There are a number of associations between Balamory and Still Game. Greg Hemphill guest-starred in one episode; his wife, Julie Wilson Nimmo, played the teacher Miss Hoolie. Nimmo was also featured in Kiernan and Hemphill's earlier sketch shows, Pulp Video and Chewin' the Fat.
Guest Starring: Gary Sweeney & James Young
8
2 "Wummin" Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill 4 April 2003 (2003-04-04) 4.11
Winston hires a home help, falsely claiming that his leg is sore. However, Mrs. Begg, the woman assigned to assist him, does not believe his story for a second. She cannot stop helping him, though, as she has no proof that his leg injury is fake. Mrs. Begg also resists Winston's romantic advances, to his disappointment. To make his "bad leg" as convincing as possible, Winston takes to limping with a walking stick even outside of his house, for fear that Mrs. Begg (or someone who knows her) will see him. Though mocked by most of the pensioners (and chastised by Jack and particularly the ever-honest Victor), Winston sticks to his act. Mrs. Begg, meanwhile, is stopped by Isa, who interrogates her as to whom she is tending. When Mrs. Begg mentions Winston's name, Isa scoffs, but they both spot Winston walking with Jack and Victor, walking stick in hand and limping. Isa admits that he must really have a sore leg. However, some time later, Isa sees Winston running by, and rushes into Navid's shop to tell him that Winston must be better. Conveniently, Mrs. Begg happens to be in the shop at the same time, rushes to the place Isa says Winston must be going (the bookie's) and catches him without his stick and no apparent injury. As a result, she bans him from using her help. Meanwhile, Jack and Victor plan to visit their old friend, Bert Findlay, who has made his first appearance outside in a long time. Bert's wife has been dead for several years, and he is deeply depressed. Victor and Jack are shocked to find Bert's house with clothes strewn everywhere and rubbish all over the floor. The pair do manage to cheer Bert up to some extent, and he later asks if they will meet him at the Clansman. However, Bert does not turn up, making Jack and Victor suspicious. The two, along with Winston, go to Bert's house to ask why he didn't turn up. Bert answers the door with a razor in his hand, and shows off his newly-cleaned house. Jack immediately suspects that Bert is about to commit suicide, citing the razor and a comment Bert has made about everything being "in order," as well as returning a packet of biscuits, saying that he won't need them, as a classic example of signs of suicide. After hearing water running in the bathroom, the three decide to investigate, despite Bert's pleas to them to not enter. When they open the door, they are stunned to find Mrs. Begg in the shower. They realise that Mrs. Begg has been having an affair with Bert. Winston immediately says that his "sore leg" is playing up again, and Mrs. Begg angrily agrees to let him use her home help service again out of embarrassment.
Notes: Winston's faked leg injury is juxtaposed in the Series 3 episode "Aff," where his former smoking habit leads him to need a leg amputation. After the operation, Winston has a wooden leg, and always walks with a real limp.
Guest Starring: Celia Imrie
9
3 "Doacters" Ford Kiernan and Greg Hemphill 11 April 2003 (2003-04-11) 3.90
While having a meal in the Clansman, Jack and Victor notice their old friend Stuart Anderson getting out of a new car. They are confused, as Stuart was known in the community for being in terrible shape and appearing to be at death's door. Stuart goes into the Clansman, orders an orange juice, and sees Jack and Victor. After witnessing Stuart walk jauntily over to them and speak with a loud, clear, voice, they ask him how he underwent such a transformation. Stuart reveals that he is on a new American "wonder drug" for depression, which he is testing for the doctors. Amazed at the wonders it is working on Stuart, Jack and Victor contemplate getting their hands on the new drug. However, Victor in particular is skeptical about the plan, saying that Stuart really needed the medicine but they don't. He does eventually agree to it, and the two practice pretending to be depressed at Victor's flat. Their performance at the doctor's office the next day is convincing enough to earn both of them a prescription for the wonder drug. They take it the next morning, with great effect--they become hyperactive and oddly chatty, to the point where even Isa is shaken up by their intense conversation. They do, however, invigorate a local dance with their exuberance. Later, they are using the toilets when Stuart walks into the room. He hears them mention that they have been drinking. Horrified, Stuart tells them that they were not supposed to drink alcohol on top of the drugs, due to side effects. Jack and Victor exit the stalls and are aghast to see that their skin has turned a splotchy brown colour. Meanwhile, Winston is attempting to ask Frances, the local librarian, out on a date, but just as he is chatting her up, Tam butts in. To Winston's fury, Frances is smitten with Tam and his literary knowledge. Tam asks Frances out on a date in the Clansman, where he runs into Winston. Winston is furious when Tam deliberately points out Winston's tabloid in front of Frances and subsequently asks him what specific plays he has been to (Winston had told Frances that he enjoyed the theatre), knowing full well that Winston would not be able to answer the question. He decides to get even with Tam. However, Tam later apologises, saying that he didn't mean to make Winston look stupid. Later that night, Tam opens his new library book only to find a turd in the pages. His screams of horror echo into the night.
Notes: This episode establishes that Tam has a grandson, named Ryan, but is unmarried. In a later episode, it is stated that Tam had a wife who left him because he cheated on her.
Guest Starring: Alec Heggie
10
4 "Brief" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 18 April 2003 (2003-04-18) 3.76
Jack and Victor are in a local cemetery visiting their late wives' gravestones. Victor talks to his wife's grave as though she were there (causing Jack to call him a "creepy bastard") and mentions that he is thinking of getting back out on the road. An acquaintance has just died, and his wife is selling his old car, holding an auction. Also intent on getting the car are Tam and Manky Frankie. At the bidding, Victor, Tam, and Frankie compete furiously to get it. The bids quickly rise, and Victor finally bets £400 and gets the car. However, Victor has to beg Jack to put in a quarter of the money, not having £400. Jack agrees when Victor explains how a car is infinitely preferable to a bus or a taxi. The next morning, Victor and Jack climb into their new car and, seeing Frankie tending to his motorcycle, taunt him for losing the bid. Enraged, Frankie runs at the car, but Victor quickly drives away, splashing Frankie with a puddle. Victor and Jack drive all over Craiglang and into the surrounding areas (Loch Lomond makes an appearance). However, they demonstrate that they have not kept up with the times, driving very slowly and being horrified at the price of petrol. Victor also scolds Jack for trying to light his pipe in the petrol station. However, the pair agree that it was a rare day out, and while driving home, they see Frankie on the pavement. They wickedly splash him again with a puddle. This does nothing to boost Frankie's already sour mood, only infuriating him. The next day, some of the fun has worn off. Jack spends fifteen minutes talking to Eric after buying his messages, while an irritated Victor honks at him to get in the car. Jack gets into the front passenger's seat and says, "take me to the Clansman." This infuriates Victor, who (being the one doing all of the driving) feels that he is being treated by Jack as a personal chauffeur. Annoyed by Victor's behaviour, Jack moves to the back seat and belligerently yells at Victor to take him to the Clansman. Later, Victor is in his bed about to drift to sleep, when a very drunk Frankie knocks at his door and tells him that he has "been sorted." Victor then receives a phone call from Jack, who pleads with Victor to give him a lift home. Reluctantly, Victor agrees, but finds that Frankie has let the air out one of his tyres. Victor, tired and angry, arrives at the Clansman, only to find that Jack has invited all of their friends into the car. Victor is furious with Jack, and his mood is only worsened when Jack drops his fish supper all over the floor of the car, and Eric vomits on the windscreen. As he is pulling up to Osprey Heights, Victor crashes into Frankie's motorcycle. Frankie witnesses this from his window and vows to get even. The next morning, Jack apologises, and Victor accepts, but makes him clean out the inside of the car, which Victor has decided to sell to Tam. Jack tells Victor that he has had his fun out of the car, and urges him to ask for his original £300 back. Despite Tam's protests, he is forced to pay all of the money. The moment the cash leaves his hands, a large refrigerator crashes through the roof of the car. Tam is horror-struck by Frankie's final act of revenge, as he has wasted a large sum of money.
Notes: This episode implies that for unknown reasons, Jack is unable to drive. In all scenes, Victor is shown driving, and in fact Victor is the only one of the two who has any interest in the car. Jack does, however, drive in "All the Best," from the fifth series of the show. Jack is also seen driving in Chewin the fat.
Guest Starring: Stevie Allen, Tom Urie & Richard Wallis
11
5 "Tappin'" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 25 April 2003 (2003-04-25) 4.06
Jack is grumbling to himself about the quality of the food available in the price range of his pension when Victor walks in the door, jauntily carrying a bottle of fine wine. When Jack asks Victor how he got the money for the wine, Victor reveals that both he and Jack have saved too much money for their funerals. He tells Jack that if they take several money-saving ventures, such as ditching the funeral car and opting for a cremation instead of a burial, they will have several hundred pounds of "free money." Victor proposes that the two live the high life for a week. Coincidentally, at the same time, a sleazy-looking money-lender appears in Craiglang. Jack and Victor tell him that they are not interested in his business. The next day, they show up in Navid's shop, kitted out in fancy turtleneck sweaters and brand-new shoes. Jack also asks for a more expensive brand of tobacco than his regular kind. Navid sees that the pair have "disposable income" and takes them into his back room. He teaches Jack and Victor about the stock market, and the pair decide to put some of their money into a company called Chromotron UK. Meanwhile, Isa, who has been eavesdropping, assumes that Jack and Victor have borrowed from the money-lender. She soon takes £100 from him and begins spreading the news. Soon the entire community has taken money. When Jack and Victor find out, they are horrified, believing that the money-lender charges 100% interest per week. They go to the Clansman and lecture the others on how borrowing money will spell the end of the community. However, the money-lender himself appears on the scene, and reveals that he charges reasonable rates, similar to banks. Jack and Victor soften their stance on money-lending, and buy the man a pint. Meanwhile, Winston and Tam are trying to play a round at the local golf course; however, local neds hassle them. Furious, Winston and Tam challenge the neds to a game of golf, on the condition that if the pensioners win, the neds will have to leave them alone. The neds agree to the challenge. Despite playing a close game, Winston and Tam win. However, the neds order them to strip and bury them in a sand bunker.
Notes: Two of the ned characters in this episode are played by the same actors that featured in "Gairden." It is not clear whether or not they are supposed to be the same characters, as these neds show no sign that they had ever encountered Winston or Tam before (the neds in "Gairden" had extensive dealings with Winston in particular).
In a brief post-credits sequence, the manager of Chromotron UK (the company that Jack and Victor invest in) is shown hanging up the phone and promptly leaping from his upper-floor window.
This episode marks one of the first, if not the first, appearances of Victor's catchphrase, "That's plenty!"
Guest Starring: James Young & Jim Murray
12
6 "Scran" Ford Kiernan, Greg Hemphill and Paul Riley 2 May 2003 (2003-05-02) 3.94
Navid receives news that his brother has died. He and Meena make plans to attend the funeral in India, but are reluctant to close the shop. Navid asks Jack and Victor to run the shop for him in his absence. Though initially reluctant, Jack and Victor accept. Meanwhile, a man named Vince Gallagher appears in the Clansman. Vince runs a catering business, and has parked himself next to a building site, where the builders are regular customers to his mobile snack bar. Vince is obsessed with cleanliness, and rejects two of Bobby's pints due to the filthiness of the glass. The next day, Winston passes by Vince's food van. Winston is furious to see Vince back in Craiglang. He reveals that Vince gave an entire shipyard full of workers, including himself, violent food poisoning with his stew. Back at Navid's, Jack and Victor competently, if somewhat archaically, run the shop. Winston wanders in, feeling left out and wanting to help out in the shop. He then suggests that he, Victor, and Jack begin a temporary hot food business using Navid's stock. Again, Jack and Victor are reluctant, but agree when Winston maintains that all of the original costs of the ingredients will be taken and given to Navid. Word of the new hot food source soon spreads, and Vince is horrified to see all of his customers walk straight past his van on their way to Navid's, where Jack, Victor, and Winston are happily dealing out sausage rolls, hot dogs, and vegetable stew. The next evening, after another day of good business, Jack, Victor, and Winston head to the Clansman. They are stunned to see the place nearly deserted, and a replacement barman behind the counter. The barman tells them that Boaby has fallen ill, when Winston suddenly loses control of his bowels. The barman notes that Boaby was taken with the same sickness. It transpires that everyone who had the stew became ill shortly afterward. The lone customer in the bar is Vince, who says grimly, "I like it quiet." The next day, Winston is not feeling much better. Jack and Victor are confused, as there were no bad ingredients in the stew. However, when reviewing security camera footage from the previous day, Victor notices Vince enter the shop and empty a huge amount of laxatives into the bubbling stew. Furious, they vow to get revenge, letting cockroaches and maggots loose in Vince's van. Now ruined and with his reputation in tatters, Vince drives his van straight through the front of Navid's shop and flees the scene just as Navid arrives back from India. Jack and Victor decide not to explain to Navid the reason for the attack.
Notes: Winston reveals in this episode that he worked in the Clyde shipyards in his younger days (a fact that is brought up occasionally later on, notably in the series five episode "Smoke on the Water"). He the only major character to have their former occupation explicitly revealed.
Guest Starring: David Hayman
13
7 "Shooglies" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 9 May 2003 (2003-05-09) 3.18
While he and Jack are watching TV, Victor is surprised when his friend hands him a personally engraved tankard in honor of the sixtieth anniversary of their friendship. Jack, on the other hand, is enraged when Victor reveals that he had not gotten Jack a gift, as he had forgotten all about the anniversary. Feeling guilty, Victor offers to take Jack into town and treat him to a nice meal and a good day out. Jack accepts, and the two reminisce about the day they first met. (A tram had knocked down a boy named Frank McCallum, who was badly injured. Victor was sent to get help, and rushed, crying, into Jack's father's butcher shop. Victor met Jack, and a long-running friendship was born.) The next day, as the pair prepare to board their bus into central Glasgow, Winston tags along. Jack and Victor tell Winston that he is not wanted, as this was to be a special day for the two of them. Winston is furious, insulting them from outside the bus window. In the city, Jack and Victor visit many shops, including a luxury tobacconist shop (from which they are kicked out after Jack smokes every single brand before settling on his usual kind) and a shopping centre (where Jack falls asleep on a reclining chair and Victor tries on a pair of fashionable trainers). When they get to the restaurant, however, they are appalled by the expensive prices. Nervously, they tell their waiter that they will only have the inexpensive ice cream. However, the waiter, a kind young man named Norman, tells them that he will take care of their bill, saying that his own father would have a heart attack at the expensive prices. Jack and Victor fully enjoy their feast; however, just as Norman is about to take care of the bill, he is fired for smoking in the kitchen. Horror-struck, Victor has to pay £140 when the restaurant's manager presents him with the bill. Though disgruntled with the episode in the restaurant, Victor's spirits are brought back up when Jack takes him to the Museum of Transport and they inspect old vehicles from their youth. In the museum, the two are stunned when a man introduces himself as Frank McCallum. Stunned, Jack and Victor invite Frank for dinner, an invitation which he accepts. However, later on, when Jack and Victor are in the kitchen preparing pudding, Frank steals several items from the house (including Victor's tankard and a bottle of whisky) and leaves. Jack and Victor are furious when they realise what has happened. However, the next day, "Frank" (actually a local petty thief named Davie) is ironically hit by a bus, and all of Jack and Victor's stolen items are recovered, albeit badly damaged. The pair also make amends with Winston, who has the last laugh by giving a toast in the Clansman and referring to them as "bum chums."
Notes: In the audio commentary track for this episode, Greg Hemphill and Ford Kiernan reveal that the scene with Isa in the lift was added because the episode came up a few minutes short in length. Hemphill and Kiernan did not want to memorise any more lines, so they added a scene in which Isa, played by Jane McCarry, is the only character who speaks.
"Shooglies" is a Scots word for "tram."
"Shooglies" is one of the few episodes of the show to focus entirely on a plotline revolving solely around Jack and Victor. The previous episode, "Scran," had also featured only one plotline, but characters like Navid and Winston had large roles as well.
In the credits, Sanjeev Kohli is listed as playing "Navid Ingram." This is wrong for two reasons; first, Navid's last name is "Harrid" and not "Ingram" ("Ingram" is Winston's surname), and second, Navid does not feature in the episode. Ironically, Jane McCarry is not credited, though she does appear.
Guest Starring: Finlay Welsh
14
8 "Buntin'" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 16 May 2003 (2003-05-16) 3.41
Navid goes out the back door of his shop one morning and is appalled at the amount of rubbish outside. He is annoyed when he finds Pete the Jakey lying on top of it. Navid tells him off for raking through his rubbish, but Pete claims that a fox had done it during the night, which Navid doesn't believe. However, Meena later tells Navid that there in fact, was a fox. Shug happens to be in the shop at the same time, and suggests that they keep watch overnight and try to catch the fox the following night. Navid agrees, and Winston, also in the shop, decides to tag along. That night, Shug brings over the necessary supplies, including (to Winston's and Navid's delight) night-vision goggles. They eagerly camp out outside the back of the shop; however, half an hour later, they're becoming increasingly bored. To make matters worse, two policemen pass by, and one decides to urinate, which he does--all over Navid (who he initially doesn't see). Navid instantly gives away their position, and he, Winston, and Shug are all arrested for loitering. Meanwhile, Jack, Victor, and the others are stunned when Pete walks into the Clansman, wearing a suit and looking well-groomed. The others are hugely skeptical of Pete's "transformation," and tease him mercilessly. Pete is furious, and vows that they will soon see him at the opening of the new Craiglang Community Centre. Jack and Victor are intrigued, and decide to follow Pete for a day. They follow his path into a building in central Glasgow, where they catch him walking into a lift with two smartly-dressed men. Convinced that Pete is more than he seems, Jack and Victor go to the opening of the Community Centre the next day, where they find Pete standing behind the man conducting the opening ceremony. A crowd of neds is also attending the opening ceremony, and they are hassling the spokesman. When one of them throws an egg at him, Pete leaps into the crowd at them. Jack and Victor are also caught in the ensuing scuffle. Jack, Victor, Pete, and the ned who threw the egg are all arrested. Coincidentally, they are let out at the same time as Navid. Pete confesses that he had only been pretending to know the people in the lift the previous day (he had seen Jack and Victor following him) and that he had made up the story about being connected to the Craiglang Community Centre. Pete says that he had only wanted a bit of respect for a couple of days. Jack and Victor are angry with him, but Navid tells them to forgive him, until Pete reveals that he also lied about the fox, to Navid's disappointment.
Notes: "Buntin" is the first episode to deal with the possibility that Pete is not all that he looks. The episodes "Who's the Daddy" in Series 4 and "Recipe" in Series 6 also focus on this topic.
Guest Starring: Donald Cameron & Nik Weir
15
9 "Dug" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 23 May 2003 (2003-05-23) 4.14
Having returned from a rainy shopping trip, Jack and Victor find a videotape on Jack's doorstep. It turns out the tape is a home video from Fiona, Jack’s daughter, who lives in Canada. Jack gets depressed, complaining that his family lives so far away from him. Victor also expresses sadness about his own son, John living in South Africa, but says that they have to let their children live their own lives. Meanwhile, Isa’s estranged ex-husband Harry has returned. Harry attempts to woo Isa in Navid’s, but is sternly rebuffed by Isa who wants nothing more to do with him. In the Clansman, Bobby has a “Guess the Name of the Dog” competition with a robot dog as the prize. A distraught Isa enters the pub after a tense confrontation with Harry. The regulars attempt to console Isa; however, it transpires that Isa told Harry that she is seeing someone. When Harry enters, Winston buys Isa’s drink, pretending to be Isa’s new boyfriend, but Harry does not believe them. Just then, it is announced that Victor has won the competition as he correctly guessed that the dog’s name is Matthew. The robot dog turns out to be problematic – Victor’s attempts to train him fail at every attempt and Matthew displays "suicidal tendencies." Jack speaks to Fiona over the phone and she proposes that Jack should come to Canada on holiday to visit them. Jack is unsure, but Victor convinces him that it's the right thing to do. In turn, Jack suggests that Victor should phone John and ask if he could visit South Africa. As predicted by Victor, John turns him down. Victor is angry at Jack for pushing him into phoning John, as he knew what would happen. Jack tries to invite Victor to come along with him to Canada, but Victor angrily refuses to be a "charity case" and this causes them to fall out temporarily. Harry continues to follow Winston and Isa, determined to expose them. Eventually, Harry enters Isa's flat as he had kept his keys, and catches Winston and Isa dry humping on the bed. Although highly embarrassed, Isa patiently tries to explain to Harry that their marriage is over. Finally, Harry admits defeat and leaves Isa alone. The night before Jack is due to fly over to Canada, Victor meets Jack in the Clansman, apologises for his behaviour, and the pair reconcile. Next morning, on the flight, Victor arrives and says that he booked the same flight as Jack the previous day. The two friends fly to Canada together. In the post credits scene, Winston and Isa are still going out with each other and have inherited Matthew, who is notably happier with them than he was with Victor.
Notes: This episode contains Jack and Victor's first significant rift.
Both of the storylines in this episode (Jack and Victor going to Canada and the fake Winston/Isa relationship) are carried over onto the next episode, "Hoaliday," ending Series 2 on a cliffhanger.
Victor ironically calls Jack "Christopher Hawkins" in this episode, only to be told by Jack that the correct name is "Stephen Hawkins." However, they are both incorrect, as the famous scientist's name is "Stephen Hawking". Greg Hemphill and Ford Kiernan both made this mistake in the commentary track, as well; however, they also revealed that they think that the joke wasn't funny and wish it had been cut.
Guest Starring: Ronnie Letham
Series 3 (2004)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
16
1 "Hoaliday" 7 May 2004 (2004-05-07) 3.14
Jack and Victor arrive in Canada to visit Fiona, her husband Tony, and her two sons. They are overcome with excitement at their new surroundings, but struggle to cope with the five-hour time difference between Glasgow and Toronto. Jack and Victor enjoy the sights in Canada. On their first day, they watch an ice hockey match, but they shock their hosts with their aggressive chanting and graphic stories of football-related fights back home. Later that night, Fiona asks Jack to move to Canada to live with them. Jack, though tempted, refuses, saying that Craiglang is, and always will be his home. He explains to Fiona that he and his wife Jean nearly emigrated to Canada, but couldn't go through with it, knowing that they were leaving their friends behind. The next day, after a huge large pancake breakfast, they visit the CN Tower. Victor is impressed with the structure, but Jack, afraid of heights, vomits all over his grandchildren. At the end of their visit, Jack, Victor, Fiona, and the boys visit Niagara Falls. Jack gives Fiona her late mother's wedding ring to Fiona as a leaving present. Meanwhile, back in Craiglang, Winston has become accustomed to the easy life with Isa cooking for him and doting on him. Unfortunately, Winston is highly irritated by Isa's endless gossiping. He and Eric devise a plan, in which Eric phones Winston at exactly half-past nine with a false "emergency" (he has locked himself out of his house and needs Winston to get him in). Winston, after making the necessary excuses, leaves Isa alone. However, after several successive days of this, Isa discovers what's going on and unplugs the phone. After revealing her trick to Winston, she makes him plug the phone back in. Winston is horrified when it starts ringing. Isa forces him to pick up the phone while listening in on the conversation. She hears Eric inadvertently expose the entire operation. Furious, she hits Winston in the face with the phone and stops cooking for him.
Notes: Greg Hemphill's brother Steve makes a guest appearance in a minor speaking role as the CN Tower lift operator.
Jack's grandsons are clearly played by different boys from the ones that appeared on Fiona's tape in "Dug."
The episode deals in part with the large numbers of Scots who emigrated to Canada over several centuries.
Guest Starring: Stevie Allen, Finlay McLean & Steve Hemphill
17
2 "Swottin" 14 May 2004 (2004-05-14) 3.66
Jack and Victor are back home in Craiglang, and have found themselves becoming stagnant. They decide to do something productive with their spare time, so they go to Glasgow University and enroll in a first-aid course called "Medical Proficiency". Initially very excited about the class, Jack and Victor eventually begin to get bored of it. They begin skipping classes and go to the university bar instead, where they engage in various drunken antics with students more than four decades younger than themselves. Due to the pair skiving, Jack and Victor perform hopelessly on their final tests, and end up failing the course. Meanwhile, in the Clansman, Boaby complains about the pub's dwindling popularity. He decides to host a quiz night to fix this. After several unsuccessful trials to find a quizmaster, Boaby picks Margo, a woman he fancies. On the day of the quiz night, Boaby asks Margo out. She agrees, but Boaby grabs her bum. Margo is furious at Boaby for this, and beats him up. She also quits as the quizmaster. After recovering from his beating, Boaby, in a moment of desperation, picks Edith (the ugliest woman in Craiglang) to read. There are several teams competing in the event, including Navid's Numpties (Navid, Isa, and Meena), the Low Bank Lovelies (three non-regulars, one of whom is pregnant), Charlie's Angels (including Peggy and Charlie), the Douglas Bader-dancers (Tam, Eric, and Pete), the Cunning Linguists, and the Royal Infirmaries (Victor, Jack, and Winston - Jack and Victor lie about their results and say that they both received straight A's, and Winston, believing they are genuinely masters of first aid, suggests the name). The quiz goes smoothly, until the end, when the Royal Infirmaries are tied with the Low Bank Lovelies. To Jack and Victor's dismay, the final question is a medical-related one. The answer, correctly given by the Low Bank Lovelies, is "The Heimlich Manoeuvre," wit Jack and Victor pathetically suggesting "The Back-pat Manoeuvre." To make the evening worse, the pregnant team member of the Low Bank Lovelies' waters suddenly break due to the thrill of winning, and Isa mentions that Jack and Victor have recently passed their first-aid class and should be able to help. The episode ends with Jack, Victor, Winston, and Boaby all fainting in horror as the woman gives birth.
Notes: This is the second episode to use the post-credits joke of a character waking up next to Edith after a wild, drunken night. In the S1E4 episode "Courtin'", this happens to Winston; here, it happens to Boaby.
Jack displays slightly more misogynistic tendencies than usual in this episode, as when he yells to the Low Bank Lovelies, "Up Ye! Up Ye! And Up Ye!" while making a rude hand gesture, only to be scolded by Victor for his impolite behaviour. Also, when Edith states that she doesn't understand the name of the "Cunning Linguists," Jack shouts "Nae wonder!"
Guest Starring: Kate Dickie, Ryan Hassan & Bridget McCann
18
3 "Cairds" 21 May 2004 (2004-05-21) 3.52
Tired of being harassed by Stevie the Bookie, Winston takes a different approach to his gambling, by putting money into an accumulator. Stevie scoffs at Winston's choices, saying that they're inconsistent. Infuriated, Winston begins screaming at Stevie. However, he is pleased when his choices begin to come up. After the fourth item on Winston's accumulator comes through, Stevie begins to get worried. Meanwhile, the gang is playing cards at the Clansman. After they cause ruckus with their loud and unruly behaviour, Boaby bars them. They resort to playing at Jack's house. The only players remaining at the end of the game are Tam and Joe Douglas. Joe was once a star athlete, but lost the use of his legs, and now has to ride on a mobility scooter. Tam had been pinning for a chance to ride the mobility scooter and as such Joe places its keys on the betting table. Tam wins the game, and rides off on Joe's scooter. Stunned, Joe asks, "Can somebody give us a drag up the road?" Furious, Jack and Victor vow to get Joe's scooter back to him. They lure Tam into another poker night. Unknown to Tam, the chair at Jack's house in which he is sitting is being monitored by Shug, who is standing looking through the window from his own flat with a pair of binoculars. Tam takes the bait; however, he eventually claims it's getting cold inside, and draws the curtains. At the same time, Shug is arrested by two policemen, who say that a woman saw him with the binoculars and thought he was spying on her while she was naked. Shug insists to take the police to the card game to prove his honesty. Meanwhile, Tam, convinced that he is going to win, bets the scooter. Joe, however, has better cards, and wins, much to everyone's delight. Tam is furious that he has been set up. At the same time, Shug enters with the police. Tam mistakenly believes that the police are actors, insults them and knocks one's hat off. They promptly arrest him, and Joe regains his scooter. At the end of the episode, the last of Winston's choices wins. Horrified at the prospect of having to pay Winston £35,000, which he doesn't have. Stevie shuts the bookies and makes a quick getaway in his car, just before Winston arrives to cash in. Winston sees what's happened and screams "BASTARD!"
Notes: The Winston/Stevie story line was resolved in the Series 5 episode "Drama."
The episode also marks a change in Tam's character from being generally miserable to unapologetically greedy.
Guest Starring: John Buick
19
4 "Big Yin" 28 May 2004 (2004-05-28) 3.24
Winston finds that his pension is not enough to sustain his beer-and-bookie's lifestyle, so he takes a job at Food Fare, a local supermarket chain. On his first day, Winston is taunted and bullied by a young man named Kevin, who makes wisecracks about Winston's age and mocks his inability to perform tasks as well as the younger employees. Another elederly employee named Andy tells Winston about Kevin, telling him that he either needs to get on his good side or take him down. Meanwhile, the local neds are getting out of control. They have been stealing from the local shops and applying liberal amounts of graffiti to the walls. When Jack and Victor try to confront one of these neds, he sprays rude drawings onto their coats. After ridicule from Bobby at the Clansman, Jack and Victor comment that this rise in hooligan activity from the neds would not have happened had their old friend Innes (a kindhearted but massive and physically threatening man) been in town. Innes has moved away with his wife to a croft in Elgin. Jack and Victor send for him to come to Craiglang, a proposal to which his wife agrees, on the condition that Innes not be allowed to drink Midori liqueur. Innes loves Midori, but it causes a serious allergic reaction in which he completely loses his senses and begins to trash the surrounding area. Jack and Victor agree. Innes proves to be very helpful and efficient in taking care of the neds but soon begins to be more trouble than he's worth. Jack and Victor, nervous about Innes finding the Midori bottle they had bought from Navid earlier to ensure Innes didn't get his hands on it, decide to throw it away. However, they are startled by Isa's screams. Innes had helped Isa move a large oven, and in return she had made him sandwiches and let him use her bathroom. Isa's horror is revealed to be caused by the massive turd that Innes had left in her toilet. Isa then comments that she had told Innes that he could get Midori at Food Fare. Horrified, Jack and Victor, together with Winston, manage to hide all of the bottles before Innes can get his hands on them. After their success, Kevin walks up and begins berating Winston, who promptly punches Kevin and quits the job. Meanwhile, a distressed Innes is in the Clansman, where Isa proudly presents him with the bottle of Midori that Jack and Victor had failed to throw away (they had left it on her doorstep). Jack, Victor, and Winston arrive at the Clansman to find the place trashed. Several patrons are injured or unconscious. At the center of it all, Innes lies sleeping after his moment of allergy-induced rage.
Notes: 'Big Yin' means 'Big One' in Glaswegian dialect, and is a nickname usually applied to the comedian Billy Connolly.
Innes' home is said to be in Elgin, but the landscape seen in the establishing shot of his house is very characteristic of the West Highlands. In fact, no such landscapes occur within more than two and a half hours' worth of driving from Elgin, which is in a low-lying, dry part of Moray.
Guest Starring: Clive Russell, Jordan Young & Sheila Latimer
20
5 "Oot" 4 June 2004 (2004-06-04) 2.98
After deciding that his TV isn't good enough, Winston decides to go shopping for a new one. He is discouraged, however, after seeing the prices on the new TVs (he had been intending to spend roughly 80 pounds). He decides to order a kit that will allow him to project the image from his TV onto a large sheet. This idea leads to much ridicule from everyone, including Chris the postie. Winston is determined to prove them wrong. Meanwhile, after decades of being holed up in his flat, old acquaintance Archie Taylor is forced to move to Osprey Heights after his tower block is demolished by the council. Jack, Victor, and everyone else gather around to watch his first "comin' oot" in nearly forty years. Even the neds club their money to buy Archie a Big Mac and fries. Jack and Victor decide to show Archie around Craiglang. Archie is amazed by how much everything has changed since he last set foot outside. He also is enamored with his hamburger. Upon being told that it came from McDonald's, Archie initially believes that this is a local butcher. The next day, when Jack and Victor call at Archie's door, Archie glumly tells them that he doesn't want to go out. Jack and Victor conclude that Archie experienced a sensory overload the previous day, and arrange for Isa to explain to Archie everything that has happened since 1966, the year he stopped receiving any kind of news. This seems to cheer Archie up, and he accompanies Jack and Victor to the Clansman, where he tells the story of why he became a recluse. Afterwards, Jack, Victor, and Archie, along with Tam and Navid, visit Winston, who claims to have perfected his DIY film projection method. Before the start of "the main feature" (The Towering Inferno), Winston gives Archie a dram of a whisky that he bought in 1966. Archie comments on the kindness of Winston's gesture. Upon starting the film, all seems to go well. Everyone compliments Winston's success. However, faulty electric equipment leads to Winston's curtains catching fire. Afterwards, Jack and Victor walk Archie back to his flat, where they are confronted with the horrifying realization that Archie has been robbed. Fortunately the thieves have somehow managed to miss the fact that Archie hid hundreds of thousands of pounds' worth of social money in his sofa. The next day, Archie tells Jack and Victor that he doesn't intend to come out again. Jack and Victor are unsatisfied with this, as they feel that Archie hasn't given the world a proper chance. Archie convinces them that he's more comfortable in his house. Showing them around his flat, he reveals that he used the money to completely renovate the flat so that it is sparkling and clean. Jack and Victor are finally convinced, and reluctantly agree to leave Archie alone. Later, a package arrives for Winston from Archie--a real, brand-new TV.
Guest Starring: Sylvester McCoy
21
6 "Aff" 11 June 2004 (2004-06-11) 3.44
After experiencing severe pains in his right leg for some time, Winston decides to take a look. Visibly disturbed by what he sees, he consults a doctor. He is told that his eighty-a-day cigarette habit has caused problems with his leg, and that amputation will almost certainly be required. After being initially startled by the news, Winston decides to focus on the positive aspects of his condition--he will be able to claim extra social money. At the same time, Boaby hosts a "Tarot and Scampi Night," organized by Peggy McAlpine, in the Clansman. All of the women are excited to read their fortunes, and most are pleased with the three things that Ella, the fortune-teller, reveals to them. However, after her turn, Isa storms out, yelling "Load of shite!" It is revealed that Ella's three predictions for Isa were that she would hear about a birth, come into money, and get knocked down by a silver car the following Thursday. When she tells Navid about this, he makes fun of her for her paranoia. However, Isa begins to be worried when her friend Sadie tells her that an acquaintance has just had a son. The next day, Isa becomes even more scared when she finds a ten-pound note on the ground. Navid still fails to be concerned, gleefully mocking Isa's worry. On Thursday, as Isa is crossing the street, a silver car comes barreling towards her. Unable to move from fear and shock, she is saved by Navid, who pulls her out of the way at the last minute. He berates her for "standing there waiting on it." As Isa tries to defend herself, she is knocked down by a young boy driving a toy silver car. While in the hospital undergoing treatment for her resulting minor leg injury, Isa is stunned to find that Winston is in the hospital bed next to her. He is less than enthused to see her, particularly as she immediately begins jabbering away about the previous few days' events. Meanwhile, Victor is so desperate in trying to communicate with his son John that he convinces John that he is at death's door. Unfortunately for Victor, his performance is so convincing that a worried John flies to Glasgow from his home in Johannesburg to see him. Thus, Victor is forced to pretend that he really is ill in front of his son, with the help of Jack, who is furious at Victor for his deception. After John has left to sort things out at his hotel, Victor takes a walk with Jack to the Clansman. However, to his horror, he bumps into John along the way. John criticizes Jack for bringing Victor out in his condition while Victor does his best to act listless and ill. After they arrive at the Clansman, Jack goes in first, letting the regulars know about Victor's predicament. After they are settled, John uses the bathroom. During this time, the others all take the opportunity to blackmail Victor into buying them drinks. Meanwhile, Jack convinces Victor to "take a fall" when John comes out of the bathroom. Upon witnessing Victor's hammy and unconvincing fall, John deduces what has happened and furiously tells Victor that he will meet him at Osprey Heights. Victor runs after John and apologizes, saying that he was truly desperate to maintain contact with John and that this was his last resort. This calms John down, and he promises that he will end the near-estrangement between the two. Although Victor is initially skeptical, John maintains that he will bring the family to Craiglang for a holiday. Reunited, father and son (And Jack) go back to Victor's flat.
Notes: Although it is never specified exactly what is wrong with Winston's leg, it might be Buerger's Disease. People with this illness usually develop inflamed blood vessels, which leads to tissue death and sometimes infection. The outward manifestation of this is severe discoloration and shriveling of the skin, usually in areas such as hands and feet. Nearly every sufferer of the disease is a heavy smoker, and amputation is often necessary.
This episode is one of the few that have three separate plot lines.
Guest Starring: Mary Riggans & Sandy Welsh
Series 4 (2005)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
22
1 "Kill Wullie" 22 July 2005 (2005-07-22) 2.22
Jack and Victor's friend, Wullie Reid, is dating a younger woman. Rumours spread in Craiglang that his mistress is trying to kill him. Meanwhile Winston struggles with his new leg and a young hooligan is conning pensioners out of money.
Guest Starring: Jackie Farrell & Julie Miller
23
2 "Wireless" 29 July 2005 (2005-07-29) 1.83
Jack and Victor stand in as hospital radio DJs for Tam, who is on holiday, and build up quite a fanbase in the process. Navid also ends up in the same hospital with a very personal problem.
Bill Murdoch, James Fleming & Sandy Neilson
24
3 "Dial-A-Bus" 5 August 2005 (2005-08-05) 2.15
Jack and Victor find themselves on a terrifying bus journey when the driver, Davie, suffers a funny turn. Meanwhile Tam decides to tag along while Navid goes to get stock, and Boaby decides to take time off work to go cycling, leaving The Clansman under control of a temporary barman. Winston takes advantage of Boaby's absence by pretending to be the real owner of The Clansman.
Guest Starring: Robbie Coltrane & Sharon McKenzie
25
4 "Ring" 12 August 2005 (2005-08-12) 1.72
Tam decides to marry Frances, his sweetheart from the second series. As always in Craiglang, things never go to plan. Meanwhile Navid's shop is part of a big business take-over.
Guest Starring: Michael McKenzie
26
5 "Hatch" 19 August 2005 (2005-08-19) 3.08
Jack has got Sky Digital TV, Victor hasn't, they solve this problem by arranging for Shug to put a "hatch" put in between their rooms so that they can both watch. But things go wrong when Isa suspects they are gay. Meanwhile, Winston has to look after his obnoxious seventeen-year old grandson Thomas while his parents go away on holiday.
Guest Starring: Kevin Guthrie
27
6 "Who's the Daddy?" 26 August 2005 (2005-08-26) 2.16
Jack, Victor and Winston fear they may have fathered a child in their twenties, but they are unsure who it may be. The child in question is also part of the plan to demolish The Clansman.
Guest Starring: Martin Docherty & Vincent Freill
Christmas Special (2005)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
28
Special "Cold Turkey" 28 December 2005 (2005-12-28) 3.07
Jack and Victor fear for their usual Christmas dinner arrangement after they upset Isa and Winston gets to grips with his turkey. Meanwhile Frances gives Tam a ton of Christmas cards for him to deliver.
Guest Starring: Mark Young & Michael MacKenzie
Series 5 (2006)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
29
1 "Drama" 19 June 2006 (2006-06-19) 2.23
Jack and Victor learn about free whisky tasting sessions and win a visit to a distillery. Winston is in no mood to welcome the new bookie to Craiglang, being certain that it's his old nemesis, Stevie.
Guest Starring: John McCririck
30
2 "Fresh Lick" 26 June 2006 (2006-06-26) 2.48
The pensioners put on their decorator's overalls to redesign Isa's flat. In their usual style, the two have trouble adjusting to the job at hand. Meanwhile Tam discovers a video featuring Bobby and some scantily clad women.
Guest Starring: Dougie Wallace
31
3 "Smoke on the Water" 3 July 2006 (2006-07-03) 2.57
Jack and Victor sail in celebration of Victor's 75th birthday. The two decide, along with Winston, to take a sail down the local river. Unfortunately, a run-in with the local neds means things won't go smoothly.
Guest Starring: James MacKenzie
32
4 "Hard Nuts" 10 July 2006 (2006-07-10) 2.31
Boaby the Barman has a chance to be on television. Unbeknownst to him at first, the programme is Blighty's Hardest Boozers. Meanwhile, Navid goes through some changes when he dyes his hair.
Guest Starring: John Jack
33
5 "All the Best" 17 July 2006 (2006-07-17) 2.94
A sad farewell to Winston as he leaves Craiglang for a new life in the seaside resort of Finport. Meanwhile Jack and Victor are chauffeurs for the day.
Guest Starring: Juliet Cadzow & Iain Davidson
34
6 "Saucy" 24 July 2006 (2006-07-24) 2.18
Frances's sister, Molly, comes to visit and makes a huge impression on Tam who is in awe of his sister-in-law's tight-fistedness. Meanwhile, Jack and Victor arrange to visit Winston in Finport but when they arrive, they find that all is not well.
Guest Starring: Dorothy Paul
Hogmanay Special (2006)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
35
Special "The Party" 31 December 2006 (2006-12-31)[fn 1] 3.87
Similar to the previous stage play (see History) Jack, Victor and Winston (also Isa in this version) are stuck in the Osprey Heights lift on their way to a Hogmanay party, they reminisce about Hogmanay 1975 (featuring flashbacks).
Guest Starring: Ronnie Letham & Grant Thomson
Series 6 (2007)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
36
1 "Hot Seat" 12 July 2007 (2007-07-12) 2.90
Craiglang is in the grip of a heatwave. Jack and Victor have found the perfect place to relax in the park on the ultimate bench. Unfortunately, Tam and Winston have the same idea. Isa receives bad news about her estranged husband Harry.
Guest Starring: Grant Thomson & Doreen McGillivray
37
2 "Fly Society" 19 July 2007 (2007-07-19) 2.11
Jack and Victor get a taste of how the other half live when they pose as two wealthy socialites to impress a couple of widows. But the gang from Craiglang are not happy at missing out.
Guest Starring: Una McLean, Jeannie Fisher & Ron Donachie
38
3 "Lights Out" 26 July 2007 (2007-07-26) 1.86
After an accident at the local sub station involving a runaway lorry, Craiglang is plunged into darkness. After a crime wave occurs, the vulnerable pensioners start taking radical measures to protect themselves from the night crawlers.
Guest Starring: John Buick & Johnny Mac
39
4 "Seconds Out" 2 August 2007 (2007-08-02) 2.09
When a new pizza shop opens in Craiglang, Boaby the barman and Stevie the Bookie battle it out for the affection of the new pizza girl. Jack and Victor are hell bent on getting a free pizza now that their old pal Winston works there.
Guest Starring: Jim Watt, Michelle McManus & John Buick
40
5 "Hyper" 9 August 2007 (2007-08-09) 2.18
Navid's business is suffering at the hands of the new corporate giant Hyperdales and his regular customers' loyalty is being put to the test. Meanwhile, an electric shock causes Tam to go through some bizarre changes in behaviour. Eventually, Navid cracks and tries to burn down Hyperdales causing him, Jack, Victor, Winston and Tam's to be locked in for the night.
Guest Starring: Trish Mullen
41
6 "Recipe" 16 August 2007 (2007-08-16) 1.98
Jack and Victor discover Pete the Jakey was the inventor of the famous Beefy Bake and seek recompense on his behalf. Tam and Frances are having marital problems. Who can offer counsel, Navid?
Guest Starring: Eric Potts & Gary Lamont
42
7 "One in One Out" 23 August 2007 (2007-08-23) 2.08
Tam and Frances enjoy fame and fortune with their new addition, but it means babysitting stints for Jack and Victor which is proving a bit of a strain. As both wind up in hospital and Jack is diagnosed with a life-threatening condition, could this be the end for the duo?
Guest Starring: Lorraine Kelly & Michael Hines
Christmas Special (2007)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
43
Special "Plum Number" 23 December 2007 (2007-12-23)[fn 2] 2.28
Jack and Victor join the choir. Winston offers to cover for the lollipop man while he's away after learning that the job can be very rewarding during Christmas. Boaby gets a new puggy for The Clansman that boasts a jackpot of £1000. Tam enlists the help of Shug and Eric to intercept the slot machine's pay-out ratio but soon, they are joined by Jack and Victor who want their slice of the action.
Guest Starring: Iain McColl, Paul Donnelly & Dave Anderson
Hogmanay Special (2007)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
44
Special "Hootenanny" 31 December 2007 (2007-12-31)[fn 3] 2.59
Jack, Victor, Winston and Tam decide to spend their Hogmanay in a cottage on the remote island of Tighnahulish. Their celebrations are short-lived though when Jack and Victor manage to antagonise the island's few residents. Meanwhile, in Craiglang, Navid's wife Meena has gone on holiday to India, leaving Navid to enjoy a brief taste of single life.
Guest Starring: John Buick, Lewis Howden & Michelle Gallagher
Live At The Hydro (2014)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate#
Viewing figures
(million)
-
Live Special "Live At The Hydro" 7 November 2014 (2014-11-07) 1.96
When Jack is faced with the dilemma of attending his daughter's vow renewal in Canada, he decides to embrace new technology - Boaby the barman's tablet - in an attempt to be there from the comfort of The Clansman. However, Victor's promise to be a supportive wing man backfires while Isa tries her best to hold her tongue. Meanwhile Winston needs a new leg thanks to an incident at the canal, Isa's mushroom soup needs a new recipe, Navid has money in mind at the live shows, while Tam and Boaby face a battle of wills against each other.
This was an edited version of the live show.
Children In Need Special (2014)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
-
Children In Need Special "Still Game at River City" 15 November 2014 (2014-11-15)
Jack and Victor win tickets to see River City being filmed and Isa Turns a new Career in becoming an Extra.
Guest Starring: Sally Howitt, Billy McEnhaley, Jordan Young, Carmen Pieraccini & Michael Hines
The Story So Far (2014)[edit]
Overall
No. in series
Title
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
-
Documentary Special "The Story So Far" 31 December 2014 (2014-12-31) 0.817
A salute to Scotland's favourite TV OAPs in a special programme that puts the spotlight on the celebrated Criaiglang gang. We focus on the jaunty journey Jack and Victor have taken the nation on since they first appeared on the small screen. Contributors include actor Martin Compston, TV presenter Lorraine Kelly and film star Robbie Coltrane, with insights from Scott Cassidy, Holly Tindall, Kirsty Ferguson and Rebecca Cochrane.
Series 7 (2016)[edit]
On 12 May 2016, Ford and Greg announced a new seventh series was in the works. Filming of the long-awaited "Series 7" commenced on 4 July 2016, and the series aired in late 2016 on BBC One nationwide, across the whole of the UK for the first time, since it previously aired in the UK on BBC Two. All of the original main cast reprised their roles. Recurring character Pete "The Jakey" McCormack, played by Jake D'Arcy who died in May 2015, did not return respectively; and the character's death was announced in the second episode, "The Undrinkables."
Overall
No. in series
Title
Writers
Airdate
Viewing figures
(million)
45
1 "Gadgets" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 7 October 2016 (2016-10-07) 4.31
Craiglang's residents can't resist the temptation of the Futuroo catalogue and its innovations to "make life that wee bit easier". However, it quickly becomes apparent these gadgets do anything but make life easier. Winston receives a registered letter which sees him prepare for the arrival of his brother, Walter. As Jack and Victor spar over whose gadget is best, there's a spot of sibling rivalry between Winston and Walter.
Guest Starring: David Ireland & Gary Miller
46
2 "The Undrinkables" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 14 October 2016 (2016-10-14) 4.37
Jack and Victor receive the sad news that dear old friend, Pete the Jakey, has died. Pete may have been homeless, but he held a special place in the heart of Craiglang's community. However, as everyone gathers at the Clansman after Pete's funeral, tight-fisted Tam still can't find it in himself to contribute to the kitty. Beyond the grave, Pete leaves his legacy with Boaby and Winston through his pal, Methadone Mick.
Guest Starring: Frank Gilhooley
47
3 "Job" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 21 October 2016 (2016-10-21) 3.94
Charity begins at home, as Jack and Victor offer a helping hand to Methadone Mick; a £4,000 parking fine from the past comes back to haunt Winston, and Boaby's award glory goes awry when he has to decide who to take to the City Chambers when he receives his Citizen Civic Medal.
Guest Starring: Kevin Whately & Barbara Rafferty
48
4 "Small Change" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 28 October 2016 (2016-10-28) 3.33
Affairs of the heart stir up emotions as when Jack and Victor offer unconventional marriage guidance to Fergie and his wife Sinead, their advice proves to be less than helpful. Meanwhile, Navid and Boaby swap jobs to prove who really has it the hardest, after Boaby struggles to see bargains in Navid's shop when him and Meena have a special rollback day to celebrate forty years of being in business.
Guest Starring: Claire Gray Wilson & Louise Stewart
49
5 "Heavy Petting" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 4 November 2016 (2016-11-04) 3.01
Jack and Victor decide to become dog sitters and enlist the help of computer-savvy Isa to register them on the "Pets Home From Home" website. Meanwhile Isa limbers up for the Craiglang Bake Off and locks whisks with local cake rival, Peggy. Utterly determined to beat the reigning baking champion, Isa strong-arms her pals into becoming reluctant cake-tasting guinea pigs.
Guest Starring: Paul-James Corrigan
50
6 "Down and Out" Ford Kiernan & Greg Hemphill 11 November 2016 (2016-11-11) 3.17
Emotions run high as Jack, Victor and the Osprey Heights residents gather to watch the demolition of a Craiglang tower block, Tam drags Winston into a new moneymaking scheme, and Jack and Victor are enticed by Mrs. Fletcher, the beguiling manager of the local care home.
Guest Starring: Jackie Bird, Ronni Ancona and Sheila Donald
Notes[edit]
Jump up ^ Originally broadcast on BBC One Scotland, it aired later on BBC Two on 1 January 2007
Jump up ^ Originally broadcast on BBC One Scotland, it aired later on BBC Two on 28 December 2007
Jump up ^ Originally broadcast on BBC One Scotland, it aired later on BBC Two on 2 January 2008
References[edit]
Jump up ^ "'Still Game' Related Trivia". British Comedy Guide. Retrieved 30 October 2013.
External links[edit]
List of Still Game episodes at TV.com
List of Still Game episodes at British Comedy Guide
List of Still Game episodes on IMDb
Retrieved from "https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=List_of_Still_Game_episodes&oldid=816257434"
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